Crossfire Drabbles
by aechfic
Summary: Collection of drabbles based specifically on Crossfire, so they'll make more sense after reading that... LuZo; spoilers up to and including current events; rated T to M; warnings for mpreg and potential spoilers for main darkfic and alternate ending.
1. Diagnosis

Prompted by cy-girl, who wanted to know "what [Chopper] was thinking when he decided to pull out a pregnancy test - for Zoro of all people."

This sort of bookends rather neatly with the other drabble that I also just finished...

xxx

Seated at his desk in the infirmary, Chopper frowns and scratches his head as he surveys the wide array of jars and bottles and test tubes arranged on the table before him. The confused doctor is well and truly stumped, possibly for the first time since he left Drum Island to join the Straw Hats.

_Review the symptoms_, his mentor's voice chides sternly in his head. _Reviewing the symptoms will always give you an insight into discerning the patient's condition._

_But I already-_

_Then do it again_, Doctor Kureha demands. _Honestly, such a thick-headed little reindeer you-_

_Okay, okay!_ He squints down at the desktop, tapping a hoof against his chin. _Severe nausea accompanied by frequent vomiting. Headache. Fatigue. And he's been complaining about heartburn the last few days, although that could just be Sanji sneaking hot sauce into his food again._

The physician's already dismissed the most likely culprit - food poisoning - after rummaging through both the fridge and pantry in search of contaminated ingredients, much to the cook's displeasure. In all honesty, he'd agreed with Sanji's assertion that no such thing would be found in the kitchen of a cook of his caliber, and sure enough, his attempts to locate anything spoiled or even remotely suspicious proved fruitless.

Zoro doesn't believe it, of course- insists that it can't be anything else, because not only is the shitty cook always muttering about serving the guys inferior food but he doesn't GET sick, damn it. And right now, he's spending an obscene amount of time hunched over the toilet or the nearest wastebasket or the railing of the ship, and certain things - like cigarette smoke and turbulent sea swells and the taste of alcohol - make it even worse.

Chopper's bullied the older pirate to cut back on his drinking, at least until they determine the problem, and although he's snarled and complained and made life a living hell for everyone else onboard at the indignation of being temporarily banned from his poison of choice, Zoro reluctantly follows the doctor's orders, because he's found that even the smallest quantity of alcohol is capable of rendering him so ill that even Luffy takes notice and demands that he not touch the stuff 'til they find out what's wrong with him.

A standard physical exam doesn't yield much in the way of results. The swordsman's lower belly seems a bit tender, but it's no surprise considering how much and how often he's been throwing up- apparently enough to lose a few pounds, which has the crew's medical expert concerned but not overly worried. He chivvies Zoro into drinking a lot more water, which sends him rushing for a bathroom at awkward moments - Sanji's never going to let him live down the time he turned tail and bolted for the head right in the middle of a confrontation with some rather bewildered Marines - but at least Chopper knows he's hydrated.

_And it sure helps with getting urine samples_, he muses as he prepares yet another test tube.

Unfortunately, none of the numerous urine tests or even the blood tests have given the doctor any additional clues, and after nearly six weeks of dealing with his increasingly distressed and irritable nakama, he's ruled out gallbladder and kidney disease, gastroesophageal reflux disease and a variety of other conditions both common and exotic, and as he's just explained to the fiesty if knowledgeable mentor lurking inside his head and who he imagines peering over his shoulder to cast a scrutinizing eye on his work, he's running out of options.

Sighing in frustration, the reindeer's reaching for another vial when there's a sudden blast of heat and sound that rushes through the open infirmary doorway and sends him scrambling to secure the clutter on his desk before everything pitches to the floor below. It's shortly accompanied by a round of shouts and cursing - Sanji screaming something at Usopp about keeping his goddamn shitty experiments out of his fucking oven and out of the bloody kitchen in general - and the acrid stench of smoke and burnt explosives.

_Augh, see what I have to work with, Doctorine_, Chopper groans internally as he snatches up the bottle he was reaching for- only to realize that he's grabbed the wrong one, even as several drops of clear liquid are already sliding into his prepared sample. _Gah! That wasn't the one I meant to-_

But to his surprise, Doctor Kureha doesn't round on him for wasting chemicals- she just chuckles and fades into the other noise inside his head, leaving him extremely confused and staring at the vial he's placing back on the desk, because he never would've bothered with testing for this- why, the very idea of it's totally preposterous and there's absolutely no way that-

The half-filled test tube in front of him is slowly changing blue, and he knows it's a mistake; clearly he's contaminated the sample with something else that's causing it to react in such a way, because there's NO WAY- it flies in the face of everything he's learned about the biology of all living things, much less the biology of the human beings whose genetics he shares thanks to his consumption of that particular Akuma no Mi, and even as he's considering dumping the sample and pretending this never happened, he's blindly fumbling for another vial, examining it closely to ensure that it's clean, because once is coincidence, but all the symptoms are suddenly making sense and if he can duplicate this-

xxx

"Oi, Chopper-" A disgruntled voice calls from the doorway, and the startled doctor poofs into Guard Point, sending samples toppling in all directions.

Zoro's hand shoots out and catches the one closest to the desk's edge before it can fall to the floor, and the swordsman peers at the cerulean liquid inside, scowling as he hands it back to the quaking physician.

"If you got a second and you're not too busy playing with this crap, I need a heat compress. I musta strained something bench-pressing my damn weights this afternoon, 'cause my fucking pecs ache like the shitty ero-cook kicked me in the chest."

"Y-Your pectoralis majors-?"

"Yeah, what- oi, what the hell's the matter with you?"

"I-I-"

"Oh, I almost forgot- I'm supposed to tell you dinner's gonna be late, 'cause Usopp was trying to bake something in the oven and it blew up and now Franky's gotta fix the damn thing." Zoro can't restrain a smirk. "You should've seen the shitty cook, throwing a goddamn fit while he peeled chunks of half-baked clay off the kitchen counter. He was throwing 'em, trying to hit Usopp, and he damn near pegged Nami in the face."

"Zoro-"

"What've you been doing in here, anyway?" The older pirate asks, turning his attention back to the desk. "What is all this junk?"

"I'm not sure yet," Chopper admits. He eyes the array of test tubes before him - all the same, all BLUE - and swallows, plucking an empty jar from amidst the clutter. "... would you mind giving me a urine sample...?"

"ANOTHER ONE?"


	2. With Our Dreams In Our Hands

"First night's conversation between Luffy and Zoro after they found out," requested by RobotInTheRoom. Warnings for potential squick regarding early pregnancy symptoms; i.e. Zoro can't seem to stop throwing up at the drop of a hat. And kudos to anybody who figures out why Luffy insists on waiting until the following day to tell the rest of the crew; there's two major ones, I suppose, if you're counting.

xxx

Chopper quietly gathers up the contents of his medical bag, stuffing small vials of brightly tinted liquids and strips of litmus paper and a haphazard sheath of scribbled notes out of sight, and excuses himself from the mens' quarters, stammering awkwardly as he offers to keep the others out for a while yet to give his crewmates some privacy and time to think.

Lying on the sofa with his arms wrapped loosely around his middle, stubbornly resisting the urge to curl into a miserable ball around the churning, see-sawing pit of his stomach, Zoro watches the flabbergasted reindeer's exit in silence, unable to meet the gaze of the younger man beside him, although those slightly widened eyes aren't focused anywhere near his singular one but rather fixed on and taking a thorough survey of his midsection, as though their owner is attempting to peer through the layers of haramaki and shirt and trousers to see what's hidden beneath and not even yet visible to someone who's looking much less a casual observer.

_Nngh- how long's he gonna keep staring at me like that? Where's Usopp with an explosion when you need one, or the shitty cook with a plate of food to-_

"Chopper!" Luffy exclaims suddenly, bounding up from the floor where he's been sitting beside the table dugout to race after their doctor and catch him in the doorway. "Chopper, what about-"

The swordsman squeezes his eye shut as the sound of his captain's raised voice causes an intense surge in the nausea frothing in his gut. He feels like hell, too ill to move without throwing up and headachey and very, very tired, and now he knows why- or at least Chopper claims HE knows why, but the older pirate's not sure he believes a word of it. Or rather, he doesn't want to believe it.

_He's wrong- all his tests are wrong. I don't know why or how, 'cause I don't know shit about how they work, but they're wrong. All of them. They're wrong and it's a mistake and THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING._

The door clicks closed and he hears sandal-clad feet slapping Adam wood on their way back across the room and, after a moment or two, weight settles on the cushion beside him, and he reluctantly opens his eye to find Luffy peering down at him, face filled with awe and concern. The rubber man reaches down to brush fingers across his cheek, and Zoro's nearly overwhelmed with numb terror at that tentative caress because his lover's never treated him like this before, never touched him with such gentle deliberation as though he's some delicate glass bauble that might shatter at the slightest provocation.

_Yeah, well, you've never been pregnant before either._

The nausea abruptly spikes, sending long fingers of acid curling up his esophagus into the back of his throat, and he knows he's going to vomit, and he knows there's a wastebasket resting beside the table and scrambles upright reaching for it, but-

"Zoro-?"

"Luffy, you're in my way!"

He's not prepared for the surprised hurt that surfaces in his captain's eyes and is momentarily taken aback, but then the exact nature of the younger pirate's consternation - his MISUNDERSTANDING - registers and he utters an exasperated groan, because although Luffy's generally a lot brighter than he acts, sometimes he's a bit quick to jump to the wrong conclusions. "You're blocking the TRASHCAN, dummy! Now move or I'm gonna puke on you!"

"Oh. Oh!" A stretchy limb flies out to capture and reel in the wastebasket and Zoro grabs for it, yanking the wide rim under his head as it's pushed towards him, and just in time too, because his dinner is coming back up in one hot, vile burning rush. The sour scent of bile and partially-digested food curdles his stomach even more violently, and he's left blinking furiously to clear his watering eye, coughing and gagging and producing horrible meaty urp-ing noises as he struggles to control his spasming diaphragm.

To his credit, Luffy doesn't retreat, although he makes a faint sound of commiseration as he settles on the cushion beside his swordsman, one hand slowly rubbing small circles on his lower back while the other helps hold the garbage bin in place. "Zoro's really sick, huh? 'Cause- what'd Chopper say again? 'Cause Zoro's body's having a really hard time getting used to the-"

The older man utters a choked groan and dry-heaves forcefully enough to make his straining abdominal muscles twinge in protest. To his immense relief, his captain immediately shuts up about the way his body's betrayed him and concentrates on stroking his back and murmuring encouragingly as he gently pries the can from Zoro's trembling fingers and sets it on the floor between his feet.

"-hate throwing up like that..." But he feels a little better now that he's actually done it, and the fingers now kneading lightly along his tense spine feel good too.

"I know. Everybody's been getting really worried that Zoro's been sick for so long." Luffy plants a kiss on his forehead, still exercising that disconcerting caution. His free hand hovers undecidedly for a moment and then hesitantly slips inside his lover's haramaki to rest on his flat belly, and they both look down and stare at it, neither of them able to speak for a moment.

"The crew should know," the rubber man says finally.

"Shit. D-Do we have to tell them, Sencho? Can't we just like, y'know, hide it or something?"

His captain utters a small amazed laugh. "Nami's eventually gonna make Chopper tell her what's going on, and everybody's gonna notice anyway, when Zoro's tummy starts getting bigger."

The swordsman flinches and then stifles a curse as his stomach rolls lazily in protest. He takes a deep breath. "Wh-When-?"

"Tomorrow." Luffy declares immediately, surprising him. "We'll tell everybody tomorrow."

"... not tonight?" Zoro asks hesitantly. Not that he particularly wants to rush headlong into the three-ring circus that their sudden and highly improbable news will inevitably produce, but he's slightly confused that Luffy's not chomping at the bit to spread the word that their unlikely family of nakama's about to get just a bit larger.

_No recruiting necessary- just produce and grow your own crewma- oh god, I think I'm gonna-_

He lunges for the wastebasket, retching loudly and silently cursing the younger man pressing supportive hands to his heaving back and shuddering abdominal muscles.

_Goddamn it, Luffy, how the hell do you always manage to land yourself- me- us- square in the middle of completely impossible, totally screwed-six-ways-to-Sunday shit like-? Oh, for fuck's sake, who am I kidding- we've never had to deal with anything like THIS before!  
><em>

"Zoro?" There's a note of trepidation in his captain's voice, and he can't help feeling a sense of fierce satisfaction, because the idiot SHOULD be worried, seeing as how it's LUFFY'S fault that he's so miserable and exhausted and puking his guts out like it's going out of style. "Is Zoro okay? Should I go get Chopper? I know he said that throwing up is supposed to be normal, but Zoro's really throwing up A LOT, and that can't be good for him or the ba-"

"No- don't need Chopper," the older pirate gasps, cutting the word short before his captain can say it. As long as neither one of them says it out loud, his frazzled nerves assure him, it's not real- this thing that's hijacked his body and started bending everything about his daily routine and personal health, from his suddenly erratic sleep cycle to his constantly rebelling stomach, to its every whim ISN'T REAL. "I just need to- I just need to go back to sleep, because this is just some fucked up dream and I'll wake up tomorrow morning wondering what the hell the shitty cook slipped in my food when I wasn't looking."

Luffy's frowning and opening his mouth, presumably to tell him that no- he's definitely not dreaming, when the door bangs open and their crewmates wander in, talking loudly and jostling each other despite Chopper's half-hearted protests for them to be quiet because "Zoro's got a migraine" although the doctor's proclamation earns the swordsman a few odd looks because so far as everyone knows, he doesn't get migraines. Granted, nobody, including the green-haired pirate himself, thought he got sick either...

_If you only knew a headache and an upset stomach were the least of my problems_, he thinks dazedly as he glares back at Sanji, who's appraising him with one raised, coiled eyebrow, and then he nearly explodes off the sofa in a panic, because he's only now just realized that Luffy's still got a hand shoved inside his haramaki, with fingers feeling tentatively at his lower belly, but the cook merely smirks and makes a scathing remark about their captain stooping to molesting invalids and then his nausea's forgotten in the rush to strangle the blond bastard.

xxx

Some time later, after Luffy's been sent outside to dispose of the unpleasant contents of the wastebasket that Zoro's been threatening to upend on Sanji's head and everyone else has finally retired to their bunks, Zoro finds himself wide awake and staring up into the darkness hovering over the sofa. While he's seriously hoping that he's done throwing up, there's still a queasy little flicker not unlike a minnow wriggling on a hook somewhere inside his gut, and he figures spending the night here with the waste basket within easy reach will be a hell of a lot easier than bolting upright and accidentally barfing over the side of his box hammock, especially if his captain decides to-

Sure enough, the rubber man's sliding over the back of the sofa and snuggling down beside him even before their nakama's bedtime banter dies down to deep breathing and faint snores.

Luffy doesn't say anything, just settles closer and pillows his head on the swordsman's chest and gives a soft hum of contentment when he's not chased away or rudely shoved headfirst into the trashcan, but the older pirate's acutely aware of the slim fingers prying and pushing their way past his haramaki into the waistband of his trousers. He jumps a bit when the invasive hand starts straying a bit too low, but before he's able to do more than utter a warning grumble - sex is nowhere near the top of his list of priorities right now - the downward movement stops and he realizes that Luffy's fingers are spread wide, spanning his abdomen.

Stretched out on his back with his lover's body molded against his side and one warm palm pressed firmly against his bare skin, Zoro feels the first cracks start to form in the mental barricade he's produced to shield himself from what their doctor insists is true and his captain's merely accepted as fact, just as easily as he's accepted every other strange thing they've encountered since their entry into the Grandline and - more recently - the New World.

_Pregnant. Chopper says I'm pregnant._

He twitches involuntarily, and Luffy makes a sleepy noise of inquiry and carefully adjusts his grip, thumb gently circling the indentation of his navel, and just like that, the crazy flip-flopping in his stomach has nothing to do with the-

_-morning sickness. Oh my god, what the fuck, I have MORNING SICKNESS. And I have MORNING SICKNESS BECAUSE I'M-_

The full impact of it finally hits him then- really hits him- and it's like being struck between the eyes with Usopp's stupid old five-ton mallet - if the thing was real and actually weighed five tons, that is, and wasn't just an inflatable prop comprised of paper-mâché and balsa - and he's struck with vertigo so strong that he's reduced to clutching at the side and back of the sofa, clenching his jaw to contain the shout of protest that he's almost sure will emerge as nothing more than a squeak, although he's not willing to risk it.

_I'm- I'm-_

He's twenty-one and male and going to be the World's Greatest Swordsman, and he's pregnant. PREGNANT. Somehow, despite the sheer impossibility of it all, his nineteen-year-old male lover- his CAPTAIN has made him pregnant. Knocked him up. Gotten him in the family way. Put a bun in his-

_-what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK, Roronoa, you don't even HAVE an oven to BAKE a bun_, his beleaguered brain insists helplessly. _And besides, Sencho doesn't give people food- he steals it!_

As though that thought makes any more sense than what he's already struggling to process.

xxx

Lying awake beside his swordsman and feeling the tension surging through the older man's body, Luffy searches for something, anything, that might calm Zoro's anxiety but ultimately comes up empty and settles for providing what he hopes is silent support. He doesn't know what to say to make things better and is well aware that most of the things running through his head right now could possibly make things a lot worse, considering how hard the green-haired pirate's heart is pounding beneath his cheek.

Despite his own initial surprise at the unexpected news - he doesn't know near as much as Chopper about biology, although he figures he knows enough to immediately recognize why their given situation shouldn't be likely much less even possible - the rubber man's quickly processed the most important pieces of information and found them more than satisfactory.

Zoro- HIS Zoro- is going to have a baby, and it's HIS baby.

_No, it's OUR baby_, he corrects himself with a start, _because me and Zoro made it together._..

Knowing this, as he lies curled against his lover in the dark, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and his breathing gradually slow - Zoro's confused and scared, Luffy knows, but he's also very tired and unable to escape his increasing need for decent sleep that's more restful than catnaps on deck or in the crowsnest - the Straw Hat captain can also feel the excitement bubbling inside himself, filling him with a strange euphoric warmth from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

He doesn't care that Chopper was muttering about medical marvels or that everyone's going to ask how the hell he and Zoro expect to raise a child on the Sunny, surrounded by the waters of the New World and sea kings and Marines and other pirate crews, or how they expect to become the Pirate King and the World's Greatest Swordsman with an infant needing their care and attention. He's not, in fact, at all worried about what their nakama will think, and is so excited with the prospect of sharing the news that he wants to run around the ship hollering it at the top of his lungs to anyone who will listen. He's going to be a father, and he wants the whole damn world to know it.

But that will probably freak Zoro out, and Zoro's already having a hard time deciding how he feels about the new life that's even now growing and developing somewhere below Luffy's palm. If he wants his swordsman to understand how much this means to him, he'll need to be very careful and think very hard before he opens his mouth, because he wants very, very much for the older pirate to want this just as much as he does.

It doesn't matter that they're going to have to work just a little harder to achieve their dreams, he thinks as he slides his hand forward until his arm's cradling the toned muscles of his lover's abdomen and the spark buried beneath them. The adventure- the journey to that final end, whatever it might be and however long it might take- means just as much if not more than the outcome itself, and unwittingly or no, they've just been provided with an adventure fit to rival and possibly even surpass his quest to claim One Piece.


	3. Three's A Crowd At The Dinner Table

The first of the prompt-based drabbles. I'm really looking forward to doing these, because I've gotten quite a few excellent suggestions, and some of you may be pleasantly surprised to find me filling more than one of your requests if you hit me with multiple ideas. This one's for RobotInTheRoom, who asked for pregnant Zoro with "insane meat cravings that rival Luffy's." I'm not quite sure if this is exactly what you had in mind, but this popped into my head at work and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down during my lunch break.

Luffy doesn't know the meaning of TMI and probably never will.

xxx

"Get your goddamn hands off my food!"

The unexpected outburst effectively kills the animated chatter around the dining table as Zoro's crewmates stop to watch him fending off their captain's sticky fingers with the arm now curled defensively around his plate.

"But Zoro ALWAYS shares with me!" Luffy whines piteously, his expression one of mixed puzzlement and distress at the sight of the murderous glare on his lover's face.

"If that's what you call stealing shit off other people's plates when they're not looking," Sanji snorts. "You better watch it, Luffy- I don't know why Marimo's being such an asshole, but he looks like he might bite if you don't back off and leave his food alone."

"But-" The younger pirate stares longingly at the gravy-smothered slabs of meat on Zoro's plate, prompting a low growl of warning before the swordsman starts cramming forkfuls into his mouth almost faster than he can chew and swallow, obviously determined to eat as much as possible before it's snatched away.

"Ugh, slow down and eat normally before you make me sick," Nami grimaces, glancing away from the sauce dripping off his chin. "That's repulsive."

"Stop disturbing Nami-san's sensitive digestive system, you uncivilized neanderthal!"

"Zoro~"

"Let him finish his meal, Sencho," Robin admonishes, disembodied hands transferring a portion of her own overly large entree onto the captain's plate - much to Sanji's horror and subsequent outrage - in hopes of distracting him. "Now that he's eating for two, he's already sharing with someone else."

Ignoring the offering, Luffy utters a greatly exaggerated sigh of dismay and slumps in his chair to rest his chin on the tabletop, gaze locked on the green-haired pirate's narrowed eye, and the historian can't help chuckling softly at his glum expression, because she suspects it's not so much the extra food the rubber man's craving but rather Zoro's attention.

"Somebody's jealous," Usopp announces in a sing-song voice, earning grins from Franky and Chopper and a smothered giggle from Chopper.

"... am not."

"You're a horrible liar."

"Like you're one to talk." Sanji smirks, jogging the sniper's elbow.

"Oi-!"

Robin pats the dejected captain's shoulder comfortingly. "It's probably best you learn to let our swordsman divide his time and energy between you and the baby while he's still in the second trimester, because in five or six months, you'll both be much too busy caring for a newborn to do quite a few of the things you do now."

"Ptthbt-" Luffy pouts, sticking out his lower lip and scowling comically, but then his eyes widen. "Wait!"

"Hmm?"

"What about sex- does that mean we won't have time for sex? 'Cause I really like sex with Zoro, and it's been really, REALLY good since his tummy started getting bigger." His consternation fades into audacious glee as he fixes the older man's reddening face with a self-satisfied and decidedly smug grin. "Zoro yells real loud and squirms around a lot whenever I-"

He's interrupted by a round of agonized groans and strident protests from his nakama, who'd greatly prefer NOT to know the details of their crewmates' sex life either before OR during pregnancy, thank you very much- except for Robin, who is laughing helplessly, but the captain's much too preoccupied with thumping his wheezing, choking and positively crimson-cheeked lover's back to ask the historian what's so funny or pay any mind to the wadded napkins and bits of food with which he's being pelted.


	4. PMS

Impromptu drabble for black_dove100. You didn't actually request this, but I couldn't resist.

xxx

"Oi, what's wrong, Haramaki-bro? You look kinda down in the dumps."

Zoro lifts his head from where he's been resting it, face-down, on the dining hall table and fixes the cyborg with such a fiery glare that Franky is immediately sorry he asked and almost tempted to start patting at his own biceps to assure himself that the circuitry hasn't started to smolder beneath his protective endoskeleton.

"What's wrong? Where the hell do you want me to start? My musculature's completely shot to shit, none of my goddamn pants wanna button 'cause I'm getting fucking FAT and I've got fucking stretch marks. STRETCH MARKS. Our fucking idiot captain keeps telling me the fucking things look like RACING STRIPES, and because he couldn't keep his goddamn mouth shut for five fucking seconds, those bloody WOMEN keep offering to lend me their fucking girly skin-cream crap and the shitty cook doesn't know whether to piss himself laughing or throw a fit 'cause I told 'em I'd make Luffy eat the whole fucking jar before I'd use the damn stuff, only I'm half-tempted to take 'em up on their offer 'cause I ITCH like I rolled in a patch of freakin' poison." He emphasizes his point by scratching vigorously at one haramaki-bound, coat-swathed side, grinding his teeth together in a downright alarming fashion.

"Err, I, ah- I'm not sure I wanna know-"

"Well, too fucking bad, because YOU ASKED," the swordsman growls through clenched teeth, and the shipwright's sorely tempted to just turn and flee the room, but Brook's just strolled in behind him, and the skeleton's tall, bony frame is blocking the doorway to the deck outside. While there's always the door to the infirmary, which leads out the back of the dining hall, it'll mean passing within their angry nakama's reach, and Franky's not sure he wants to get within touching distance- not when Zoro looks as though he'd like to put Wado's blade clean through the next person to cross his path.

"I heard shouting- is everyone alright?" Brook asks curiously, either not noticing or innocently dismissing the large hand that's flailing at him to shut the hell up, right now, before- "Zoro-san? How are you feeling this afternoo-"

"MY FEET HURT," the green-haired pirate hisses, prompting the musician to take an involuntary step backwards. "And my back feels like the shitty eyebrow used that stupid Diablo Jumble-"

Franky bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing out loud, knowing that hearing the swordsman's mauled pronunciation of his special attack would send Sanji into a paroxysm of outrage.

"-on my spine, and my fucking BLADDER thinks it's in one of his-" Zoro jabs a forefinger in the shipwright's direction. "-fucking shop vises! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I'VE BEEN TO THE GODDAMN BATHROOM IN THE LAST HOUR?"

"Zoro could just pee off the side of the ship like the rest of us, like he used to," Luffy offers from where he's appeared beside Brook, peering around the skeleton's midsection. "Then he wouldn't have to hold it so long and it wouldn't matter that he can't see where he's aiming."

"... YOU."

"Wha- uh oh," Luffy gulps, immediately dodging out of sight at the expression on his lover's face, which has just gone from righteous anger to pure insanity. "Wah, see you guys later, I think I hear Usopp calling me to come help him with something, later, bye!"

Franky dives for cover as Zoro springs up and charges after their escaping captain, cursing loudly and at length as he fumbles around his belly to draw the swords sheathed at his side, but Brook's caught off-guard and thrown clear off the balcony into the swinging tree's upper branches when the swordsman barrels directly into him.

Moments later, as Franky's picking himself up off the floor, Sanji bursts in, balancing a serving tray on one palm. "OI! Get out here and help me, you lazy bastard! Marimo chased Luffy up the rigging and Chopper's pitching a fit trying to keep him from climbing up after him and while I don't really give a flying fuck if the shitty swordsman really does chop off our captain's nuts like he's threatening, THOSE SHITTY BASTARDS ARE DISTURBING NAMI-SAN AND ROBIN-CHAN'S COCKTAIL HOUR."

_Nobody said ANYTHING about having to deal with this shit when I signed on_, the cyborg thinks - not for the first time and certainly not for the last - as he follows the fuming cook outside just in time to hear a high-pitched squeal of terror from the rubber man overhead and an angry shout from the ship's doctor as Zoro abandons his agitated pacing for another awkward attempt to scale the foremast with Kitetsu clamped between his teeth, still spitting threats and insults around the sword hilt in his mouth.

"Too bad he's over the whole morning sickness thing," Usopp mutters as he joins them on the lawn deck, watching as Robin sprouts several hands to anchor the irate swordsman's feet firmly to the ground, thereby earning herself a fresh torrent of verbal abuse that prompts Franky to yank the serving tray from Sanji's hands before the infuriated blond forgets himself and flings it at the back of their nakama's skull. "Otherwise he'd be too busy yarking over the bow to put up this much of a fight."

Dealing with a pregnant and highly-volatile Zoro who's apt to swing from sleepy respite to homicidal rage and back within the span of a few minutes, the shipwright finds himself musing, has been disturbingly similar to dealing with the Straw Hat's own rather fiesty navigator when she's on the rag. Unfortunately, while THAT normally leaves the majority of the male crewmembers skulking around the ship and doing their best to avoid Nami's path for only a few unbearable days, THIS is showing every sign of turning into a semiweekly or possibly even daily occurrence that Chopper's hesitantly admitted might last for MONTHS, possibly all the way up to delivery, because he doesn't have the slightest idea how to regulate the unpredictable and often severe hormonal surges accosting their expectant swordsman.

_It's like Haramaki-bro's got friggin' PMS_, Franky realizes abruptly while he's listening to the doctor's exasperated scolding, Zoro's unrepentant snarling and the captain's cautious overtures as he strives to convince his lover to let him escape with his masculinity intact. _Only it's not that pre-menwhatsit syndrome like the girls say- it's like he's got... pregnant-maniac-swordsman syndrome or something._

"Oi, let go of my fuckin' ankles-!"

"Don't subject Robin-chan and Nami-san's sensitive ears to that shitty foul language, you Marimo bastard!"

... _cheer up, man- just think, if the reindeer-gorilla's right, you only got four, maybe five more months of this to-_

"Zoro~?"

"Shut up, Luffy- it's your fuckin' fault I can't see my own goddamn feet!"

_Only four or five more months of-_

"But Zoro-"

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP- YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU BASTARD, SO GET DOWN HERE BEFORE I COME UP THERE AND-!"

"Don't you dare- ZORO, GET DOWN FROM THERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU FALL, AND CALM DOWN, DAMNIT! TOO MUCH STRESS IS BAD FOR YOU AND THE BABY!"

"TELL THAT TO THE ASSHOLE WHO KNOCKED ME UP!"

"SHUT UP, SHITTY MARIMO, AND DO WHAT YOUR SHITTY DOCTOR SAYS!"

"BITE ME, DARTBOARD-BROW!"

"Zoro shouldn't fight with Sanji right now, 'cause it's not good for the-"

"SHUT UP, SENCHO!" "SHUT UP, LUFFY!"

_Four or five more MONTHS of this._

"Yohoho- will someone kindly help me down? This tree branch appears to be rooted quite firmly in my chest cavity..."

"Oi. I'll be in my workshop if anybody needs me."_  
><em>


	5. Domestic Dispute

Author's Note: Drabble references events of Crossfire Ch. 4 and takes place the night before the crew arrives at the island in the next chapter.

xxx

"What the fuck's their problem?" Zoro demands, yanking at his remaining boot so violently that it pops free and nearly hits Luffy in the nose on its way across the room when it slips from the older pirate's hand. "Why the fuck's everybody gotta TOUCH me? Everybody but the shitty cook, 'cause that bastard fuckin' knows better, but everybody else- even BROOK, and how the hell's that idiot think he's gonna feel anything anyway?"

The nude Straw Hat captain, grinning happily and blatantly ignoring the murderous aura emanating from his scowling swordsman, kicks off his sandals and flops down beside him on the bed. "They're just excited- Zoro's been hiding his tummy all this time and they finally got to see it."

He rolls over on his stomach and wraps one arm around his lover's waist, using his free hand to push the snug-fitting haramaki higher to give his fingertips access to the bare skin beneath. After a few moments, there's a tell-tale flutter against his palm, and the rubber man makes a soft noise of wonder. "It feels kinda like I'm holding a butterfly and it's trying to flap its wings, but it's really the baby moving around, huh?"

Grunting noncommittally, Zoro stretches his legs one at a time, flexing his toes and wincing when his ankles make audible popping noises.

_I fucking hate this. My feet hurt and I gotta piss all the time and sometimes I itch so damn bad I feel like I wanna scratch my skin off. And to top it off, my stupid nakama-_

"... Zoro?"

"Hmm?" He glances down to find Luffy peering up at him, and although his hand's still resting against the swordsman's abdomen, his touch suddenly feels much more tentative and matches the traces of concern visible in his eyes.

"... if Zoro doesn't want anybody touching him- does that mean me too?"

His sour mood fading, replaced by regret and no small hint of shame because he's allowed his personal discomfort to overshadow his Sencho's strong need for emotional involvement - despite Luffy's intense interest in his growing belly and almost overwhelming attentiveness to his needs, it's still sometimes easy to forget that this isn't just another of the captain's whims - Zoro covers the younger pirate's hand with his own, trapping it firmly in place before he can pull it away. "No. I didn't mean you, Luffy. It's-"

He flushes, looking away. "It's different when it's you doing it, okay?"

"Oh, good," the rubber man sighs, sounding immensely relieved and immediately snuggling closer so he can nuzzle his cheek beside their clasped fingers. "-'cause I really like being able to feel the baby kick when I talk to him. It's like he's talking back!"

"Him, huh?" Zoro asks, unable to keep a hint of amusement from creeping into his voice. "What makes you so sure it's gonna be a boy? It could be a girl, you know."

"Nah, 's definitely a boy." Luffy grins up at the swordsman, wriggling around until his head's resting in the green-haired pirate's lap and he's got both hands free to brace them against the curve above him, one thumb tracing the faint vertical line that's recently appeared on the skin below his lover's navel. "Guys in my family always make lotsa boys."

"Tch. Big deal! That doesn't mean shit, 'cause the guys in mine make lotsa GIRLS- and in case you forgot, we still don't know how the hell this happened, so just 'cause I'm the one lugging the kid around doesn't mean YOU decided what it's gonna-"

"Sure I did- I'm the captain! And I say it's a boy, so it's a boy."

"It doesn't work that way, you idiot!"

"Why not? Like Zoro just said, nobody knows how he got knocked up, so why couldn't it? Trust me, it's a-"

"Girl."

"Boy."

"G- oi, do you really want a boy that bad?" Zoro asks suddenly, feeling apprehensive and not knowing why. "I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter to me, but..."

"Nah, I'd be happy with either one," Luffy assures his flustered swordsman, wrapping both arms around his hips and leaning up to plant a kiss on his lower belly when he sees the frown lines deepening on the older pirate's brow. "It'll be Zoro's and mine, and that's all that matters."

"Right."

"... but it's definitely a boy."

"Damn it, Luffy! You don't-" He breaks off, inhaling sharply, because his captain's just licked a wet path up the linea nigra dividing his abdomen and is now grinning up at him, legs sprawled wide and doing little to conceal that he's interested in far more than just spending the evening talking. "Oi, quit that- you shouldn't start what you can't finish."

"Zoro's too stressed out. He needs to relax..."

"C'mon, you heard what Chopper said. Until we go to that clinic tomorrow and make sure everything's okay, we shouldn't-"

"Chopper said I shouldn't, but he didn't say ZORO couldn't," the rubber man corrects, rolling them both over and tugging insistently at Zoro's unbuttoned trousers as he pulls the swordsman down on top of him. "Besides, I want my turn on the bottom now, before Zoro gets too big, 'cause I might stretch, but that doesn't mean I like getting squashed."

"... are you calling me FAT, you little shit?"


	6. Ultrasound no Escargot

Author's Note: Drabble references events of Crossfire Ch. 5 and takes place during the clinic visit, before all hell breaks loose.

I was gifted with a brilliant piece of fanart depicting this scene! If you'd like to see it, check my FF profile for the link, and please leave feedback for the artist. :)

xxx

The thing perched on the tabletop fixes him with a disdainful and almost malevolent bug-eyed stare, and he immediately decides that he wants nothing to do with it.

"Hi!" Luffy chirps happily at the somber-faced Den Den Mushi, practically vibrating with excitement in the seat beside his swordsman as the Straw Hat's own physician talks quietly with the white-coated man they've roped into helping them. "Chopper says you're gonna let us see the baby!"

The snail blinks slowly, as though contemplating the unusual situation in which it's found itself, and Zoro's fingers tighten on his chair's armrests. "That thing is NOT crawling all over me."

"Chopper promised it wouldn't hurt- they'll just sit him on Zoro's tummy and he'll make pictures show up on the screen."

The reindeer's explanation was actually a bit more involved than this, but Zoro didn't understand all the talk about sound waves and echoes and computers either, and it doesn't really matter, because there's no way he's letting them do this anyway, because it'll involve him taking off his coat so they can put that flat slimy foot on his bare skin, and he's already uncomfortable enough just sitting here listening to them talk about him. He also doesn't like the strange doctor, who keeps stealing glances at him when he thinks the green-haired pirate's not looking.

"Do we really need to do this? I mean, looking at a picture's not the same as actually looking at the kid, right?"

Luffy inches closer to the exam table, fingers twitching as though he's tempted to grab the mollusk for a closer look. "Chopper said there's stuff he's gotta check, and I wanna see anyway."

"I don't-" He grimaces, hating that he sounds like he's nervous or something, even if he really is a little freaked out. "I don't wanna do this- I'd rather just go back to the ship."

"Zoro~" His captain whines, immediately returning to his side and clutching at his sleeve. "We might not get the chance to see him again 'til he's born-"

_That again- is he really sure he doesn't want a boy? What if it's a girl? He said he's okay with either, but what if it's a girl?  
><em>

"-and Chopper says that won't be for another four months! That's gonna take forever!"

_Fuckin' hell, that's like no time at all- we're over halfway through this already! When the hell did that happen?_

The rubber man's giving him that look. The one that's damn near impossible to resist, and he can feel his resolve slipping. "Luffy-"

"Doesn't Zoro wanna see our baby?"

_Damn it, Sencho-_

His lover's arms are suddenly everywhere, coiled around the swordsman's left bicep and also wrapped around the startled-looking Den Den Mushi he's just snatched off the table, and Zoro can't help feeling a little sorry for the thing as it dangles helplessly in midair and fucking hell, are those TEARS in the younger pirate's eyes? So much for his resolve; it forgoes crumbling and simply falls apart.

"I- f-fine. Do what you want."

_Just stop looking at me like that!_

He's torn between relief and annoyance when Luffy immediately cheers and blinks away the moisture in his eyes, feeling as though he's just been neatly manipulated- and wondering if he really cares, because his captain's just flung both arms around him and he can't help smiling a little himself even though there's a perturbed snail being shoved in his face.

xxx

"I'm still not seeing it," he complains, squinting determinedly at the screen and trying to ignore the sticky-cool sensation of the Ultrasound Den Den Mushi's underside plastered against his abdomen.

"Right there!" Luffy insists, poking at the monitor forcefully enough to rattle it against the wall and draw a "hrrumph" of irritation from the doctor beside them. "Right under my finger!"

"That bunch of blobs?"

"No! Right. There."

"Look, I don't-"

A flutter of movement inside his belly as the baby shifts and the image on the screen shifts too and just like that he sees, and his breath catches in his throat because once his eye registers the delicate curve of the skull and the nose and the fist balled up beneath it, he can't stop seeing it, even after he glances away momentarily to shoot his captain an incredulous gape. He's glad he's already lying down because his skin's suddenly come over all cold and clammy and his vision's graying around the edges as though he's going to faint.

_Oh my god. OH MY GOD. It-It's already got a face and arms and legs and tiny little fingers and toes and- it's got a FACE! I thought- I don't know what I thought it'd look like, but I wasn't expecting-!_

"He's sucking his thumb!" The rubber man beside him crows gleefully, grabbing for Zoro's closer hand and prying it loose from where it's now clutching the examination table's edge, and the swordsman latches onto his fingers with crushing force, too busy staring at the monitor with one enormously-widened eye to notice the physician attending them suddenly do a double-take as the man finally puts two and two together and realizes why his walk-in patient looks so familiar.

"That- that's sure what it looks like," he agrees slowly, feeling his heart give a lurching THUMP as Chopper nudges the Den Den Mushi a few centimeters to the left and brings the entire curled fetus into view. "Oh- oh, wow..."

He raises the hand that the younger pirate's not holding captive and tentatively brushes his fingertips across the screen's surface, nearly gasping out loud as the baby stirs and actually turns further towards him, and watching the movement at the same time he's feeling it nearly blows his mind. He's intensely glad he agreed to this and almost disappointed that they'll be forced to leave the snail behind when they leave, because even though he's complained almost non-stop about his nakama gawking at his belly and being far too eager to touch him, this is so amazing that he kind of wishes he and his captain could share this moment with them.

Luffy is examining every pixel on the screen with hungry fascination, as though he'd be pressing his nose to the glass if it didn't require climbing over Zoro to reach it, his free hand gently stroking the swordsman's distended side. "I can't wait to see you and talk to you while I'm actually holding you, but our doctor says you gotta grow a lot yet before you're ready for that, so I guess I gotta be happy with this for now!"

"D-Do you guys want to know what it is?" Chopper asks shyly, unable to help feeling as though he's intruding on a moment better left private between them. "The sex, I mean."

"Nah- don't need to; I already know it's a boy."

Zoro punches the rubber man's shoulder lightly without looking at him, eye glued to the screen. "Y-You mean you can tell just by looking at that?"

The reindeer nods.

"Then, yeah, I- I'd kinda like to know." He finally tears his gaze away from the baby's face to grin weakly at Luffy. "Just don't be disappointed if you're wrong, Sen-"

"Actually, he's right," the Zoan confesses, peering at the monitor. "It IS a boy."

"I'm afraid that's not definite," the other doctor says quickly, pushing his glasses higher on his nose. "It's quite common for novices to misinterpret ultrasound scans, and in this situation-"

"It's a boy," Chopper insists, closely echoed by the captain who's beaming down at his surprised and somewhat amused lover. "You can clearly see male genitalia, right... there."

Whatever the reindeer's indicating looks like nothing more than blurry shadows to Zoro, but he shrugs, figuring that if the Straw Hat's doctor sounds so confident, he's got no reason to doubt what he's been told. "If you say so. Oi, Sencho, I guess you got the boy you wanted, huh?"

"I never told Zoro I wanted a girl or a boy- I just told him the baby's a boy." Luffy smiles mysteriously. "I didn't need Chopper to tell me. I knew."

"Sure, whatever you say," the older pirate snorts. "We gonna tell the rest of the crew? Betcha Nami's gonna pitch a fit- she already complains there's too many guys and not enough girls."

"Yeah, let's tell 'em when everybody gets back tonight."

"You wanna tell 'em the name we-?"

"Zoro, can you stop talking for a second?" Chopper asks, frowning slightly as he squints at the monitor, and the taller man beside him leans closer as well, earning a mutter of complaint from the swordsman as unfamiliar hands prod at his belly, shifting the fetus from sight until there's nothing visible on the screen but amorphous gray and black masses. "Just lie still and don't move. It's probably nothing to worry about, but I saw something I'd like to take a closer look at-"


	7. Made To Be Broken

I've been wanting to do a monologue for a while now...

xxx

"-love him even though he can be such a goddamn idiot sometimes...

So anyway, he's pissed as hell because he thinks these people are our friends, just because they gave us food, even though it's pretty obvious they're all trying to fucking kill us, and I'm trying to explain it to him, but of course he won't hear it, 'cause he's too busy freaking out about the whole, y'know, food equals friends. And jeez, it's not like I even killed any of those guys- just roughed 'em up and knocked 'em out.

But that's one of the things you learn about Sencho real fast- unless people give him a good reason to wanna kick their asses, just about everybody's his friend, even if they don't want anything to do with him... hell, I didn't at first, either, and look at me now, right? I dunno- he's got this weird way of winning you over, and before you know it, you'll do just about anything to see that stupid grin on his face.

He sure as hell wasn't grinning at me then, though- he was glaring at me like he wanted to fucking kill me, and I was pretty wound up myself, so one thing led to another and we ended up ripping up the street and knocking each other through buildings and shit, and who knows where it woulda gone if Nami hadn't decided to go all alpha bitch and knock our heads together.

I told you all about her, right? Pain in the ass, and she's constantly clobbering everybody, even that shitty curly-brow bastard who falls all over himself kissing her feet, but I guess she's okay. Pretty good with directions.

So we might've kept fighting anyway - we were both still pretty riled up - but then Vivi ended up needing our help...

You'll like Vivi, and you'll probably get to meet her sooner or later, 'cause Luffy wants to go back after we check out Raftel and find out what the deal is with One Piece. Remember how I said that a lot of people end up being his friend? Well, she's one of 'em, even though she's a princess and probably gonna be Queen of Arabasta some day.

She's actually not bad for a princess- she's a lot different from what you'd think. She's kinda girly, yeah, but she's decent in a fight and she's not afraid to get her hands dirty. Oh, and her hair's even weirder than mine- kinda like Franky's, but I'm pretty sure hers is real. Dunno about Franky; even Chopper can't tell what's real and what's fake on that guy anymore.

Sorry, I keep getting side-tracked.

Luffy and I never did get to find out who woulda won. I think it might've been close- at least as long as he didn't slingshot me into one of those giant cactuses- cacti- whatever the hell you call a whole bunch of those things. Although, knowing my luck, that's exactly what would've happened, 'cause he's constantly doing stuff like that- yanking me off cliffs and slamming me into rocks and shit. Well, he used to do it all the time, but he's been a lot more careful since you came along...

Heh, you like listening to me talk about Sencho, huh? I know he talks to you- I hear him sometimes when I'm fallin' asleep. He's probably a lot better at the whole story-telling thing, though- he gets all excited and makes weird noises as sound effects and shit, and that's really not my thing, but I figure somebody should talk to you if he's not here to do it, and I sure as hell don't want-

I don't want HER doing it. You're mine and Luffy's, and that bitch doesn't have a right to- to-

Oi, no no no, calm down and stop kicking so hard- c'mon, little guy, I know you're not trying to, but you're making me sick to my stomach and you're really not gonna like it if I start throwing up. Shhh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay, it's just us right now. I'm sorry if I scared you, but I won't let her- I won't let anything hurt you, okay, Ace? I'll keep you safe 'til Luffy gets here, and then he'll make sure we're both safe, and everything- everything's gonna be okay, alright?

Whatever it takes, whatever she does, it doesn't matter- I'll do whatever I need to do to keep you safe, I promise. These bastards already took my swords, already br-broke Wado and maybe Shuusui- I'm not gonna let them take you from me too."


	8. Gross Conjecture

For et3rnalm3mories, who prompted me with "Can lightning strike twice?" and asked about Zoro's thoughts regarding safe sex following the events of Crossfire. I thought I knew where this drabble was going, but then it took an abrupt detour and surprised the hell out of me. Originally, it was supposed to apply to either the original or the alternate ending, but then Zoro decided he had something else he needed to tell Luffy, the original ending worked better (sorry, Ace) and it all went downhill from there. I need to write these poor bastards some fluffy goodness to make up for all the stress I keep putting them through, because this drabble's just... kind of horrible.

And if you want me to write you something else, et3rnalm3mories, I'll totally understand. This is sort of, uhm, yeah.

xxx

"Fucking hell, I fucking hate this! What the hell's wrong with me?"

Luffy gathers his feet under him and rises cautiously from the floor, moving very slowly and deliberately to avoid further spooking his swordsman, who's retreated not just to the other bed but to the complete opposite side of the room. "There's nothing wrong with Zoro. Chopper said-"

"I know what Chopper said!" Zoro growls, pushing away from the wall he's flattened himself against. "Supposedly my body's fine and everything's in working order, so whatever hang-ups I've got are all in my head. But I KNOW everything's okay now, and it's been MONTHS, so why the hell does my brain go on goddamn autopilot and skitz out whenever you try to touch me?"

In reality, everything's not okay and hasn't been since Impel Down and they both know it, but the captain's not about to argue the point that some wounds heal more slowly than others- not right now, with frustration and fear and anger so openly vying for attention on his lover's face.

"That's not true. I can touch Zoro just fine." He settles carefully onto the mattress, sitting cross-legged with his hands resting on his knees where they're immediately visible, and he can literally see tension draining from Zoro as the older man's shoulders relax and the stiffness leaves his spine.

"Sure, maybe you can hug me and kiss me and stuff without me freaking out-" Which is an accomplishment in itself, considering the severity of the first mate's emotional damage.

_We can sleep next to each other now, and he doesn't flinch anymore when I want to cuddle_, Luffy tells himself with some degree of pride. _-as long as I let him know I'm there before I-_

"-but you can't fuck me and I can't stay hard long enough to fuck you and I'm getting sick of nothing but sitting around jerking ourselves and each other off. Hell, you can't even give me a freaking blowjob without getting thrown across the goddamn room or punched in the eye!"

"Zoro didn't punch me," Luffy protests, flushing, painfully aware of the older pirate's eye studying the yellowing bruise shadowing his left temple and cheekbone. He doesn't take it personally when Zoro panics and inadvertently strikes him during their mostly-disastrous attempts at sex, and the rest of the crew - including Chopper - have learned to keep their mouths shut whenever their captain shows up sporting fresh injuries, but he knows the swordsman's extremely upset by his own violent and unwanted reactions to his lover's touch.

"Fine- kicked, not that it makes a difference. Fact is, it's been nearly half a frickin' year and you still can't fuck me and you can't tell me you're not getting fed up with nothing but mutual handjobs all the-"

"But I don't want to-" He makes a face, the next word coming awkwardly because while he doesn't particularly mind the stronger language that his crewmate frequently uses, he feels incredibly weird hearing the same things coming out of his own mouth. "I don't want to FUCK Zoro. I wanna make love to Zoro, and-"

"Fuck, make love, whatever- it's the same thi-"

"No, it's not!" His first mate flinches back again at his raised voice, and he immediately lowers it, mentally berating himself for snapping even though Zoro's just being stupid now. "It's not the same thing at all. I wanna make love to Zoro 'cause I love him and want him to feel good."

"Well, we've been trying that and it's obviously not working too well. You talked Nami and Robin into letting us borrow their room tonight 'cause you thought having a real bed might help, but that's not working either. M-Maybe you should just-" The other pirate looks away, unable to meet his eyes as he quietly makes a suggestion that nearly makes Luffy's heart stop cold in his chest.

_Zoro, oh god, Zoro, how you even think I'd want to-_

"Even if you couldn't actually compel me, it'd be enough to knock me pretty loopy and-" The swordsman swallows forcefully. "-I know you're strong enough to hold me down if I start coming out of it and try to fight back."

"No." Luffy says simply, refusing to dignify the idea by elaborating on why his lover's request has to be one of the most horrible things he's ever heard, and his strong rejection of it is immediately validated by the look of pure relief that surfaces briefly on Zoro's face.

"I just thought that maybe..."

"No. I love Zoro, and I wouldn't- I COULDN'T- not even if he asked me- even if he WANTED me to do that."

"... okay."

He knows from his nakama's expression that Zoro will never mention it again, and he's glad, because the idea of using Haki on his swordsman or even merely coiling stretchy limbs around him and pinning him to the wall or the floor or to Nami's bed and subduing his struggles for a few mere minutes of pleasure makes him feel nauseous inside- and incredibly filthy, as though just the thought alone makes him want to run to the bathhouse and scrub himself all over. Even if it's with Zoro's permission - which, he tells himself, is dubious at best - it reminds Luffy too strongly of rape, and he doesn't see much of a difference between quasi-consensual sex perpetrated by the misuse of his abilities and the outright non-consensual acts performed by Impel Down's Chief Guard.

The pain and distress and longing visible in Zoro's gaze when he lifts his head to meet his captain's eyes cuts the rubber man to the bone, and when he raises both arms, holding them out, his throat and chest feel so tight that he can barely speak. "Come here."

His swordsman doesn't argue, just comes straight to him and slides into his embrace, and that hurts a little too, because he hates seeing the normally obstinate and reluctantly-affectionate older man so quick to please, as though he's a little afraid that Luffy might just tire of his wavering commitment and give him up as a lost cause if he doesn't follow orders.

"I love Zoro," he murmurs again, leaning his cheek against the green-haired head resting on his collarbone, one hand aimlessly caressing his lover's bare back as he eases down until he's lying flat with Zoro draped over him. "And yeah, I'd really like to have sex with Zoro again, but I'm okay waiting as long as it takes, 'cause I want him to want it too."

There's a faint snort of amusement and frustration as his first mate settles against him, curling both arms around his torso. "And that's the thing that sucks- I do want it. Sometimes I want it so bad my goddamn balls ache, but then I guess I start thinking about it too much and..."

"Does Zoro-" He hesitates, unsure of whether or not he should ask.

"Hmm?"

"... is Zoro worried he might-" He's probably going to regret this, but after that month of pure hell on Water Seven when he- when Zoro- when the crew- almost lost everything, he learned that keeping thoughts like these to himself is far more dangerous than actually speaking them. "Is Zoro worried he might get pregnant again...?"

Silence, and his lover goes so still beneath his hand that, for just a moment, Luffy's afraid he's stopped breathing.

"I don't think-" Zoro finally replies, face hidden from sight against his chest. "I don't think that's going to happen again, but we never did figure out how I- and sometimes I wonder if-"

Closing his eyes and tucking his nose into his swordsman's hair, the captain continues stroking his back.

"I don't know, Sencho. I don't think I could go through... all that, all over again. I think it'd- I think it might drive me crazy." He exhales shakily, his breath warm on Luffy's skin. "And- and I keep having these dreams where-"

The younger pirate pauses, heart thumping painfully in his chest, and then resumes petting and rubbing soothingly and trying not to worry about the tension increasing again beneath his hand. He can't help feeling a flicker of concern, because he'd been so sure that his lover let go of the nightmares months ago, when they'd finally had a long and painful but incredibly cathartic talk about why he kept waking up consumed with terror and trying to kick Luffy off the sofa, and if Zoro's been holding something back all this time...

"You already know about the other stuff, but- this one's new, and it- it only started after we started having- well, TRYING to have sex again, and it-"

Luffy brushes lips against his first mate's temple, kneading gently and reassuringly at his shoulders, and the older pirate takes a deep breath.

"I already told you I dream about killing her - the bitch - and that usually doesn't bother me- except for the part about using Asura, because I still don't know for sure and I probably never will, but I'm still pretty sure it's my fault that- I should've known better than to- if I hadn't done it, then maybe Ace-"

"Shhh- Zoro was telling me about Sadi." He's learned that it's best to redirect Zoro's attention when he gets fixated on HOW he killed the Chief Guard, because explaining that he's not responsible for the baby's death because he couldn't possibly have known what might have happened if he'd done things differently leads to nothing more than arguing in circles and his swordsman eventually lapsing into sullen silence and self-blame.

"Right. Well, I've been having that dream where I kill her, only after I do it, I look over the table and she's-" His voice drops so low that Luffy's forced to strain to make out what he's saying. "... she's pregnant, and even though it doesn't make any sense because there wasn't enough time and there's no way I could know, I do know- that it was mine and I killed them both."

The captain's fingers falter in their careful massaging motion.

"Sh-She didn't- didn't use anything when she- I tried not to pay attention when she- but I would've felt it if she used something, right? But I'm pretty sure she didn't, and I didn't think about it then because I just wanted her to go away, but- what if she was- when I-"

"..."

"She had to have been on those pills or something, right?" Zoro pleads, sounding so uncharacteristically lost and confused and desperate for reassurance that the rubber man feels a cold knot of horror twisting inside his stomach, because he wants to tell the older man he must be right, but of course he doesn't know either, and he doesn't want to lie. "The ones we heard Chopper and Nami talking about that time and then Nami got pissed and tried to throw you overboard and raised my interest like four-hundred-percent- she had to have been taking those, right, Sencho? So I couldn't have- and she wasn't- and I didn't-!"

His face is still hidden against Luffy's chest, and the captain's glad, because he knows his own face is contorted with pure hatred for the woman who put his swordsman through sheer hell with her love of torture and sexual assault and mind games- the goddamn mind games that haven't stopped even though she's dead and nothing more than a body rotting in the ruins of the World Government's desecrated prison, and even though he's not one for killing his enemies, preferring to beat them unconscious, he wishes Sadi was still alive so he could kill her himself- because if things weren't bad enough already, now his first mate is half-convinced that he killed not just one but potentially two children.


	9. If At First You Don't Succeed EXP

WARNINGS FOR EXPLICIT SEX.

This is what I WANTED to write when I was working on the drabble that turned into "Gross Conjecture" but the guys just didn't want to cooperate with me; first Zoro wasn't ready to take it to the next level, and then Luffy was too upset and pissed off over the whole possibility of a pregnant Sadi to be very interested in sex anyway. So I guess that makes this an apology fic for et3rnalm3mories - I still feel bad for inflicting you with that horrible angst - AND anybody else who's been waiting for me to stop torturing these poor bastards.

And if the beginning of this one reminds you a lot of the last time they tried to do this, which obviously ended very badly, just give 'em a chance. They're getting a little further along each time they give it another shot, but it's definitely not a matter of them just picking back up where they left off- and I really don't believe in that "healing power of sex" bullshit when dealing with rape victims, so that's why I'm not making it easy. Although they're kind of getting the hang of it again by the end.

xxx

Sprawled on his side with Zoro's leg hooked over his hip and the swordsman panting harshly into the shell of his ear as he grinds their erections together between the taut muscles of their stomachs, Luffy's thinking that maybe, just maybe, tonight will be the night that they finally breach the frustratingly imperceptible yet undeniably real barrier that's been driven between them- until he makes the tentative effort to introduce a second lubricant-slick finger into his lover's body and the older pirate suddenly freezes up, blunt nails digging into the captain's ribcage and back as he utters a breathless cry of protest.

"ST-STOP! STOP-STOP-STOP-STOP-STOP!"

There's no mistaking the sharp note of fear in his first mate's voice, and he backs off immediately despite the strong pang of despair that blurted litany of barely-contained panic sends through his heart, not only withdrawing his intruding fingers but also conscientiously relocating his hand to rub soothingly at the small of Zoro's back.

"Too much?"

"I-I just- yeah..." The swordsman's trembling all over, face now buried against the side of his neck, but he already sounds more frustrated than frightened - Luffy can't help feeling cautiously optimistic because an annoyed lover's far preferable to a terrified one - and he hasn't attempted to scramble free of the arm curled loosely around his waist OR erupted into a frenzy of flailing limbs OR hurled either of them off the bed. "Sorry, you asked and- I thought I could- but- damn it, I'm sorry."

"Zoro doesn't have anything to be sorry about," he murmurs, nuzzling his cheek against green hair and stubbornly ignoring the throbbing ache that's taking hold in his groin at being deprived of the friction and pressure that was lost as soon as his lover's arousal was overridden by anxiety.

"Shit. You're still hard, aren't-" Zoro gives a muffled grunt of surprise as he's prodded rather forcefully in the thigh and eases back a bit to peer between their bodies, his mouth quirking slightly in amusement at the sight of the rubber man's rigid cock straining involuntarily towards him despite the look of chagrin and embarrassment on Luffy's face. "Yeah, you definitely are. Do you want me to...?"

"Nah, it'll go away by itself." He rolls onto his back, making a face when his erection persists in pointing cheerfully at the ceiling and earning soft laughter from the older pirate beside him.

"You sure? I could..."

The lightest caress along the underside of his shaft, and he shudders, closing his eyes so he can't see the way his swordsman's tongue-tip is gliding between his slightly parted lips, because he's determined to restrain himself- it's not fair if only one of them feels good, and despite his lover's sudden display of sexual aggression, the captain can still sense the hesitation and lack of confidence beneath the surface, and even now he can't help noticing that the older man's still refusing to touch him with his disfigured hand, although using his good one's forcing him into what looks like a rather uncomfortable position.

"No, it's oka- nngh!"

Fingers have wrapped firmly around him and given an experimental tug, making him buck helplessly into the other pirate's curled palm, and it takes all his willpower to reach down and carefully pry that accommodating hand away, his tone turning gently scolding. "It's getting really late and I'm kinda tired, so let's just stop and go to sleep, okay?"

"This part of you sure doesn't seem tired." But Zoro reluctantly allows himself to be dissuaded - much to Luffy's co-mingled relief and disappointment - and settles down against him, fingers toying idly with the rough skin of the starburst-shaped scar on his chest. "... you don't have to worry about me, y'know. I like being able to make you feel good, especially since I keep giving you such a hard time whenever you try to get ME off..."

"I know, and Zoro does make me feel really, really good, but he shouldn't make himself do anything he doesn't want to just 'cause he feels bad."

The reprimand earns him a lopsided smile that's slightly diminished by the shadows in his swordsman's eye. "Oh, I want to, alright- my stupid body just doesn't cooperate."

"Zoro's not stupid; he just needs a little more time."

"That's what you said the last time we tried this, Luffy, so how long-"

"And last time Zoro freaked out and threw me across the room when I tried using just ONE finger, but this time he was okay 'til I tried to do two, so he can't tell me he's not getting better."

"Great," Zoro mutters bitterly, gaze darting away. "So maybe by this time NEXT year, we'll have worked our way up to three. At this rate, you'll have found One Piece, the shitty cook'll have found All Blue and Nami will finish her goddamn world map by the time you can stick your dick up my ass without getting your head knocked off your shoulders when I flip out and try to kill you."

"If that's how long it takes."

"You're-" A brief internal struggle contorts the older pirate's face. "Really, Sencho, why do you put up with this shit? You can't have sex with me - not really, not the way we both want - and I'm never gonna be any goddamn good to you in a fight if I can't stop dropping Kitetsu. My fucking hand-"

"Does Zoro really need to ask?" He reaches for his swordsman's right hand and brings it to his lips, refusing to let go when his lover immediately balls it into a fist and tries to pull away. He eases the remaining fingers open and blows warm breath against the calloused palm, favoring each digit with deliberately slow kisses before turning his attention to the scar tissue itself and addressing it with even greater care and affection. "I love Zoro, and I love every part of him, including this. I don't like that it happened, but now it's part of what makes him Zoro."

"Luffy-"

The captain twines their fingers together as best he can and guides their hands down so his first mate's cupping the ridge of scar tissue spanning his own abdomen, finally flat and firm with re-developed muscle after nearly eleven months of intensive strength-training and toning exercises. It's almost startling, how it's taken so long for the last traces of puffiness and distension to dissipate, and although Luffy knows better, there's a small part of him that's sad to see it gone, because it's still all too easy to remember how his swordsman looked during second-trimester pregnancy- all big-bellied and sleepy-lazy and sprawled carelessly on this same mattress. When his body was responsive and eager to be touched, and he didn't shrink away from the hands reaching for him like he still sometimes does now.

_Zoro's too thin... he spends all day in the gym, and Sanji and Chopper say he's still not eating enough..._

"I love all of Zoro," he says again, softly, tracing their clasped fingers along that raised seam. "This too."

His voice has dropped even lower, husky with emotion, and Zoro gives a faint, equally-shaky sigh, leaning his forehead against the rubber man's neck.

"... yeah." And then even more quietly. "... love you too."

They're both silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts, and then Luffy raises his free hand to trail his knuckles over the green-haired pirate's chest. "... does Zoro wanna go get a shower? His butt probably feels all slimy from the lube."

"A little, but-" His lover stifles a yawn. "Mmph. It can wait. We got the room for the rest of the night, right? Might as well use the bed and get some sleep while we can."

"'S really comfy," the younger man agrees, wrapping his arms securely around the swordsman's torso as he shifts to give Zoro more room to stretch out beside him. "Maybe - when Zoro's better - we could get our own?"

"Might be waiting a while then, but... I think I'd like that."

xxx

It doesn't take long for them to doze off; despite being fully healed, in body if not necessarily in mind, and having regained his former physique, Zoro still tends to tire rather easily when stressed, and Luffy's extremely comfortable and more than content to fall asleep with his swordsman's head pillowed against his shoulder.

xxx

He's dreaming, something about steaks and drumsticks and cutlets slipping past in an endless parade of meat that he can't quite seem to catch no matter how fast he runs, when he's roused from sleep by his first mate's low groan and writhing body.

Blinking groggily, Luffy grasps the older man's shoulder to shake him awake - he knows Zoro will be annoyed and embarrassed with himself, just as he's been the last few times he's done this, but they've both agreed that a few moments of awkwardness is much preferable to repeating the events of that godawful night back on Water Seven - and promptly arches, gasping, because his lover's somehow managed to crawl on top of him, and there's slick pressure forcing itself against the head of his newly-returned erection.

"Zoro- Zoro, wake up!" Panic floods through him, because there's nowhere to go but up and that will drive him right into-

His swordsman makes another needy sound and pushes, and the rubber man immediately releases him and claws for purchase in the rumpled sheets to keep himself from grabbing for the hips working insistently against him and struggling to keep his own flat against the bed, because puckered flesh slippery with lubricant from earlier this evening has parted under the tip of his cock and started sinking down around him.

"Z-ZORO, oh-oh god, WAKE- ahh~!"

He knows the instant Zoro's conscious and aware of what's happening, because the older pirate's eye flies wide open and he bolts upright, forcing loud cries of surprise from them both as his sudden movement plunges Luffy deeper.

The captain clenches his teeth, tendons straining in his neck and forearms as he fights the urge to thrust into the tight heat surrounding him, his voice raw with intensity and the knowledge that in one brief moment, they've probably undone the tenuous trust and intimacy they've slowly regained. "Don't- nngh- move or I won't be able to-"

"Wha-What- oh- oh my god-" The swordsman's trembling above him, barely supporting himself with quivering arms, and only the pure horror and dismay on his dreadfully white face keeps Luffy from losing control, because even those faint shudders are translating into pulsing contractions around his aching length. "S-S-Sencho?"

Panting, he knots his fingers tighter around their fistfuls of bedding. "Zoro- Zoro was dreaming and..."

"You- I was dreaming about you-" Zoro gasps, tensing as Luffy's cock twitches forcefully. "O-Only it was really you, and not- not-"

_Not the version of me that holds you down and_- He swallows hard, conflicted, because it's wrong and it scares him, but recalling what he knows about the nightmares is raising the horrible impulse to flip his lover over and drive into him fast and hard until his first mate screams his name, and he'd never, ever, ever in a million years even consider doing it - not knowing what he knows - but his balls are drawn up tight against his body and he's so hard and he's INSIDE ZORO.

"-not the other one. And we were-"

"Off," the Straw Hat captain moans. "Zoro needs to get off- no- no, wait, I mean, off ME, because he feels really good and I want him really, really bad and if I start moving I'm not gonna be able to stop, but if I DON'T start moving I might die 'cause I feel like I'm gonna explode 'cause-"

"M-Maybe-" His swordsman's voice sounds very small and unsure. "Maybe if we stay like this, with me on top..."

"I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to hold sti-"

"You don't- you don't have to, as long you don't-"

_Try to flip you over and screw your brains out_. Luffy tries not to wince, cursing himself for his earlier thoughts. "Only if Zoro wants-"

"I-I want. I'm tired of being scared of something that I shouldn't be, and-" They both draw in sharp breaths as he eases himself down until his rump's resting on the rubber man's hips. "Nnn... you can make it feel good- I know you can."

"Can I-" He bites his lower lip as Zoro cautiously draws back up, brow furrowed in concentration and apprehension. "Can I touch Zoro?"

"What, 'cause you're not already touching me?" The older pirate jokes weakly, a faint whimper escaping his throat and fear flickering briefly across his face as he slides down, taking his lover a little deeper this time. "Yeah. Just- just don't grab at me too much, okay?"

"I won't," Luffy promises, untangling his hands from the sheets and raising them to lightly clasp his swordsman's torso, bypassing the semi-hardened cock that's rubbing against his lower belly because while it's a good sign that his lover hasn't gone completely flaccid despite his obvious consternation, he doesn't want to rush and inadvertently spook him. He settles for ghosting his thumbs over his first mate's sensitive nipples and feeling immensely pleased when his touch produces a soft, throaty rumble that's got nothing to do with resistance and everything to do with sex.

Even so, there's several minutes of awkward maneuvering until they find a suitable rhythm - Zoro can't seem to stop faltering on his down-strokes and Luffy's hesitant to help him because he doesn't want to move too fast - but eventually the swordsman starts gaining confidence that he's not going to hurt himself and that his captain's content to let him take his time, half-lidded eyes watching his face closely for signs of discomfort and hands resting on his hips without pinching or urging him to speed up.

"Here, let me-" He shifts, finding a new angle, and he knows it's the right one, because the older man's suddenly clapping a hand over his own mouth to muffle the strangled cry that's bursting from him as he plunges his hips down forcefully, forcing a grunt from his younger partner as he reaches up to gently pull his fingers away. "Oi, it's okay- Zoro doesn't have to h-hold it in..."

"L-Luffy-" His lover shudders, biting his lower lip as his captured extremity's coaxed down his chest and belly to wrap firmly around his now full-standing erection. "Luffy, I can't-"

"Nobody's gonna hear Zoro but me, and it's okay for him to let me know that he feels good. It's okay for him to feel good."

It's been a constant stumbling block since his swordsman's time in Impel Down, this reluctance of Zoro's to make any noises of pleasure but fast, harsh breathing and the barest, faintest acknowledgment that he's enjoying himself. He was never particularly loud during sex to begin with, but now he's even more difficult to gauge, because he'd rather leave toothmarks on his own hand and arm - and has done so on more than one occasion - than let anyone know that whatever's being done to him feels good.

_Zoro didn't want HER to know_, Luffy amends silently as he leaves the green-haired pirate's trembling fingers stroking away with feverish intensity and returns to running both hands over his sweat-dampened torso. _He tried to hide it for so long that now he can't help it anymore._

"Sencho-"

The fear and self-loathing and confusion in that voice makes his chest hurt.

"It's okay. It's okay- I'm here, and Zoro's making me feel really good, and I want him to feel really good too."

He's learned that it helps when he talks out loud, which isn't always easy to do when he's half out of his mind with pleasure and is incredibly, extremely difficult right now - _Zoro- I'm inside Zoro and he feels so good and this is where I belong, this is like coming home and we fit together just right, Luffy and Zoro, captain and first mate, and oh-oh-oh, I love- I love-love-love Zoro_ - but it calms his swordsman's frazzled nerves.

"Lu-Luffy~" The older man's voice is a low moan, thick with hesitant want, but he's moving so steadily now that Luffy's temptation to rock into him has faded somewhat, placated by the slick, hugging pull and slide that's sending little sizzling tremors of pleasure through his groin and thighs, although it's now replaced by the desire to lean up and kiss his swordsman like a drowning man struggling to the surface for one last gulp of air. But he knows Zoro might mistake it for an attempt to force him down on his back, and it's taken too long to get to this point to jeopardize it now, so he settles for reaching up to caress his lover's clenching jaw, gently cajoling him to look down.

"Zoro- mmm, Zoro wants to come, doesn't he?" He smiles, holding back a laugh of delight when his question's answered with a gulp and an eager nod. "Good, 'cause I want him to come, and when he does, he's gonna feel so good, and he should, 'cause he's been so brave and tried so hard and he deserves to feel good."

His fingertips trail back down, brushing stiff nipples, tracing the firm lines of tense pectoral and then quivering abdominal muscles, and his first mate's body responds instantly, squeezing him more firmly as Zoro's movements become almost frantic, and the captain's almost holding his breath - _now, now, Zoro, now_ - but then he realizes the swordsman's features are twisting into a frown.

"Zoro-?"

"I can't- I'm right- right there but I CAN'T!"

His hips snap, jerking harder with frustrated need, and Luffy gives a startled cry, because he's suddenly on the edge and fighting to hold back.

"Wah, sl-slow down! Zoro- Zoro, stop, before I-!"

Concentration blown, the older pirate loses rhythm, hand pausing on his cock. "What did I- am I doing something wrong-?"

"No-no-no, Zoro's doing everything right! It's just-" He utters a sheepish laugh, petting his lover's sides. "Zoro feels so good, he almost made me come."

A blink of confusion. "Uh, aren't you supposed to, dummy? Isn't that the whole point of doing this?"

Joy blossoms in the rubber man's chest, because Zoro's using that old familiar sarcasm, and he's doing it while straddling his captain's hips, body still rocking slowly and unconsciously as he scowls down at him, and everything is going to be alright- THEY are going to be alright.

"Zoro first," he insists. "If Zoro doesn't come, then I'm not going to either. We're gonna do this together or not at all."

His swordsman grunts, looking away, but that's okay, because he's stroking himself again, and Luffy can see clear liquid beading and smearing between his fingers.

"Heh, Zoro likes that, doesn't he? Thinking about us coming together?"

"..."

_Keep talking, keep saying his name- the nightmare Luffy doesn't talk to him at all, and SHE calls- called- him Roronoa, and you know 'cause he told you, but he also said he was dreaming about YOU, so don't let him forget who's making love to him..._

A matter of moments and they're back to where they were before: Zoro caught on the edge of orgasm and unable to escape the plateau his body's reached, and Luffy trying valiantly to hold himself back just long enough to let him go first.

"This isn't- this isn't working," his lover, who's gone straight from merely frustrated and annoyed to downright angry, growls after they've stopped and restarted a few more times. "I wanna- ha, I wanna come so fucking bad, but I just can't- damn it, Luffy, do something! Gimmie a push, fuck me, do ANYTHING, just make me-"

"No Haki," the captain scolds sharply, and then more gently. "Zoro's gonna do it by himself. I'll help, but I can't make him feel good that way, with Haki, 'cause it's cheating and it doesn't count if I force him. He can do it all on his own, I know he can, and that's what he's gonna do."

"Sencho-"

"Shhh. Zoro needs to watch me. He needs to see how good he makes me- that's right, watch my face. Here-" He catches the hand that's not busy in front, guides it determinedly behind the swordsman's back to where their bodies are joined, ignoring the other pirate's protests that it'll be worthless expecting him to do anything with that one because Zoro's reluctance to use his disfigured hand is another unfortunate habit they need to break. "Mmm, see how hard I am inside Zoro? That's how good he makes me feel."

His first mate hesitates, studying his face with concern, but he starts cautiously exploring the engorged shaft of Luffy's cock and the slippery ring of muscle that's stretching to accommodate him, and the rubber man's able to let go, because Zoro's fitting his index and middle fingers on either side of his base, squeezing and holding him in place as he redoubles his efforts, little moans and gasps and whimpers escaping the older man as his hand memorizes the sensation of his lover's body sliding in and out of his with each powerful flex of his hips.

"Zoro's so tight and wet, and he makes me feel so good I can't think straight-"

"..."

"-and he's so hard too, and I like watching him touch himself and next time I want him to make love to me-"

"... Sencho-"

"-because I can't stop looking at Zoro and thinking about him being inside me, all hard and slippery and making me feel good that way too..."

"Sencho- Luffy, Luffy, I'm- I'm going to-"

"Yeah, that's right- Zoro's gonna come for me, and he's gonna come so hard, and he's gonna make me come too, inside him, and-"

He feels the moment his lover's tension breaks even before Zoro cries out, green-haired head rolling back on his shoulders as the orgasm bursts through him, because the swordsman's body goes almost painfully tight and his abdominal muscles cramp and flex and spasm under Luffy's petting, stroking hands. The older pirate arches, shuddering and writhing, and the hot fluid spilling over his pumping fist alternately jets and drips onto the captain's chest and belly, and then, even though he's clearly overstimulated - jaw clenching and brow contorted into a grimace - he refuses to stop riding the rubber man's hips with fierce abandon, each downward plunge accompanied by a gasp or whined utterance of his lover's name.

"Luffy, I- oh, oh-oh-oh god, Lu-LUFFY-!"

"Zoro~" He croons back, fingers sliding over his first mate's flushing, sweaty skin as he caresses anything and everything within reach: chest and belly, thighs and hips, the wet and still-leaking head of the older man's cock, and THAT wrings more whimpering cries from his partner's throat, and even though he hasn't come yet himself, it doesn't matter, because- "Zoro- oh, Zoro, does that feel good? I think it does, I think Zoro feels really, really good 'cause he came so hard and it's okay and I'm glad- I'm glad Zoro feels good, because he SHOULD, and I want that so much- for him to feel good and know it's okay..."

"Ha~ careful- don't touch- I'm too-" the swordsman pants, his features slackening as he struggles to hold himself upright so he doesn't collapse bonelessly on the younger pirate lying beneath him. "-too sensitive- oh, oh shit, I can't breathe... jeez, Luffy, I- damn..."

"Zoro got carried away," he teases, laughing softly as he relocates his hands to the trembling thighs parted above him. "Mmm, he can't stop shivering, can he? And he's all messy and he made ME all messy, and I like how he keeps getting really, really tight..."

He lets out a shaky hum of pleasure as his cock throbs in agreement, giving an impatient twitch where it's fully buried and waiting for him to finish this.

"O-Oi, didn't you-?"

"No, but if Zoro's too worn out, I'm gonna start moving now, okay?" Luffy warns, the heat in his eyes tempered by the smile still tugging at his lips. "I wanted to let Zoro go first, but- nngh- I don't think it's gonna t-take me real long, not with how he keeps sq-squeezing me."

And it doesn't take long at all, because he's already close to the edge just from seeing Zoro's dazed, relieved expression at finally finding release after struggling with everything for so long, and in four or five strokes - he loses count because he's too transfixed by the ridiculous but incredibly triumphant grin that's stealing over his swordsman's face - he's caught up in the rush himself and reduced to helpless delighted laughter interspersed with gasps and grunts as his body spasms and pulses inside his lover's.

Zoro's chuckling too, deliberately tensing his lower body and rubbing his squirming captain's sides and belly, and if Luffy's hands clutch at his hips a little more forcefully than the younger pirate intends, he doesn't seem to mind.

"Ah, Zoro's doing that on purpose!" The rubber man groans, fingers scrabbling for a firm grip on the pillow behind his head, but even though the pressure's a little overwhelming, he doesn't actually tell his first mate to stop. Not when the other man's watching the reactions he's producing so intently-

_It's like Zoro's learning how his body works all over again, and how everything feels..._

His swordsman continues cautiously experimenting with him until his softening cock finally slips free, and the older pirate flinches abruptly, making a quiet noise of dismay.

"... Zoro-?"

"No, I'm okay." A wry smile. "I guess I kinda forgot about that whole... what goes in, must- well, you know what I mean."

"Oh," Luffy snorts, but then, as Zoro settles down beside him, leaning his head on his shoulder, the captain's smile dims, replaced by trepidation. "Maybe- maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I- well, inside Zoro. What- what if..."

His lover doesn't answer him right away, and he turns his head to peer worriedly at him.

"Zoro-"

"You heard Chopper. He said the odds of... that... happening again have gotta be- I mean, how many other times did we- before-"

"A lot..." The captain agrees cautiously. "But-"

"We still don't know if it was me- or you, if it was something one of us ate- or some place we've been- or something somebody else did to one of-" He hesitates, frowning. "Nah, forget it."

"Something somebody else did? What's Zoro talking about?"

"Nothing- I was just trying to think of weird shit that happened to either one of us, but a lot of it happened to other people too, so that doesn't make any sense since I was the one who..." He shrugs. "Granted, it's not like any of the other guys are or were doing each other, so I dunno if any of the places we've been have messed any of them up, but- who knows- maybe if somebody screws the shitty cook, it'll happen to him too."

There's something about the way Zoro won't quite meet his eyes that doesn't seem right, like his swordsman's not telling him something, but his intuition tells him it's nothing to do with the baby or Impel Down, so he doesn't push the issue. Whatever it is, he has the feeling that this is something Zoro won't tell him no matter how insistent he gets, and possibly even something that-

_Something that happened a long time- no, a few years ago? But if he doesn't wanna tell me yet, that's okay, 'cause there's stuff from back then that I don't really talk about either. Like just how close I was to dying in Impel Down before Bon-chan and Iva-chan saved me, or how I kind of WANTED to die after Marineford until Jinbei reminded me I had a lotta reasons to live.  
><em>

"-so no," the older pirate's saying. "... I don't think it's gonna happen again."

Luffy knows he should say he's glad, because he still remembers the last time they had this conversation - it was awful and awkward and made him want to go break things - and he hasn't forgotten what Zoro said about not knowing if he could go through the whole thing again without losing his mind, but there's still a tiny spark of longing burning inside him that wishes-

"Sencho?"

He almost jumps at the sound of his first mate's voice, feeling guilty, as though he's been caught thinking something he shouldn't. "Y-Yeah-?"

_Who are you kidding? Of course you shouldn't be thinking about wanting another-_

"Luffy, what if- I mean, if I would-"

There's a bitter taste forming in the back of his mouth, because he's almost positive he knows what Zoro's going to ask, and he doesn't want to lie- knows he CAN'T- but he doesn't know how to tell his lover that agreeing to let Chopper do a procedure like that would be like cutting his own heart out of his chest and WHY, why the hell didn't he just make Zoro stop earlier or insist on a condom or at least pull out or SOMETHING. Only it'd felt so good, and he'd been so happy knowing he was making Zoro feel good too.

_Stupid-stupid-stupid, thinking with your damn dick- and you know if you find out he's pregnant again and he says he doesn't want it, you're gonna be selfish again and try to talk him out of getting rid of it, which isn't fair because it's HIS body that'd have to do all of it all over again and he already said he couldn't handle it, but- it'd still be a baby- yours, both of yours together, and you never knew you wanted something so bad until you found out he was gonna have Ace. And Ace, oh, ACE- how can you possibly love another child as much as you loved Ace- as much as you STILL love him, because he was- he is- YOUR SON and-_

He wants to cry. He should be ecstatic; they've finally had sex, real sex, after months of trying to overcome the numerous hurdles caused by his swordsman's mental trauma- not only had sex, but had surprisingly good sex despite the initial difficulties, and all he wants to do is bury his face in the pillow and howl at the unfairness of it all. Or possibly bang it against the headboard a few times in hopes of knocking some sense into his-

"Luffy, c'mon, please- I need to know, 'cause if- if I-" Zoro's now sitting up, peering down at him and looking extremely confused and worried. "I can't- I mean, I couldn't do it by myself and-"

The captain can feel his own face scrunching up as he fights to hold back the tears now threatening to escape the corners of his eyes. "I- I-"

"Shit, I shouldn't have brought this up now. I don't know what the hell's wrong with me, anyway, even thinking I'd wanna have another-"

_What-_

He can't do anything but stare up at his first mate, the widening of his eyes allowing the moisture in them to escape down his temples.

"Well, jeez, say SOMETHING." There's growing frustration in the older pirate's voice. "I've been thinking about it for weeks, wondering if I'm losing my fucking mind, and I finally suck it up and say something, and now you're staring at me like I grew another goddamn head."

_But Zoro does grow another- no, two-_

"Z-Zoro wants-?"

"... 'm not sure what the hell I want right now, but I figure if it happens, it happens, right? Only I thought you'd be a lot happier, and you're fucking crying like- wait a second, what the hell did you THINK I said?"

"But I thought- last time Zoro said-"

The swordsman's brow creases. "I said I wasn't sure I could go through the whole thing again."

"R-Right." He can't tear his gaze away from his lover's face, hope and fear and confusion all battling for dominance inside his head.

"And I still don't know how or if it'd work, and there's no way of knowing if it'll even happen again. I just thought if it could, I'd better ask you if you were okay with it. What the fuck, Sencho, did you really seriously think I could ask Chopper to kill our kid if you somehow managed to knock me up again? I couldn't even THINK of doing something like that, not in a million years, not after- after- you know."

Luffy makes a choking sound.

"God, we're both a couple of fucking idiots."

"..."

"Will you SAY SOMETHING, you asshole? I'm sweating fucking bullets here and you're just sort of... looking at me."

The captain's lower lip starts to tremble, and then his entire lower jaw.

"If you're not gonna say something, then I'm gonna go get a shower- and you probably should too, 'cause we both stink like something somebody hauled out of the bar aquarium and Nami's gonna have a fit and decide to charge me for making a mess all over her sheets this time, which is fucking stupid 'cause I'm the one that ends up washing the damn things every time- only this time they're REALLY a mess and I'm sitting in one hell of a wet spo-"

"... ZORO! ZORO-ZORO-ZORO, I LOVE ZORO AND YES-YES-YES, I'M HAPPY AND I'D NEVER EVER EVER MAKE HIM GO THROUGH HAVING A BABY BY HIMSELF 'CAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I'D LOVE THE BABY TOO IF ZORO GOT PREGNANT AGAIN AND-"

"Shhh! Not so loud, damn it! Those asshole downstairs are gonna start banging on the damn ceiling again!" His first mate protests, flailing and trying not to panic as he's tackled into the mattress and peppered with enthusiastic kisses. "Oi, and careful, don't squeeze so tight, you moron or- GAH! Goddamnit, Luffy, get off, get off, you're smearing that gunk on your chest all over me!"

"Zoro put it there, so I'm just giving it back!"

"You little shit! Fine, here, you can have THIS back then!"

"AUGH! EWW, ZORO, HAHAHAHA, STOP TRYING TO WIPE YOUR BUTT ON ME- THAT'S SO GROSS!"

_**THUMP THUMP THUMP**_

"WILL YOU SHITTY BASTARDS STOP TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER AND GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP ALREADY!"


	10. Russian Roulette

This one's for anybody who speculated over whether I'd be doing a sequel fic to Crossfire (which is very, very unlikely and not in any of my plans, despite what you might think on reading the following drabble). This is assuming that the conversation in "If At First You Don't Succeed" leads to other conversations of a similar nature, and I've deliberately left the final result open-ended, so make of it what you will- it could technically go either way.

Sort of an odd choice for a title, I know, but I really wanted to imply that sense of chance- and Wheel of Fortune sure didn't have the same serious connotations. XD

EDIT: Okay, so I've already got people poking me and throwing rotten vegetables in response to the whole "I'm not writing a sequel" thing... so let me elaborate. It's not currently likely- but I've learned to never say never, considering I originally said I'd NEVER touch mpreg with a ten-foot pole, and here we are eighteen chapters, one epilogue, one alternate ending and fourteen drabbles later. *facepalm*

xxx

The utensils that Luffy's been tapping against his empty plate with increasingly exaggerated impatience hit the tabletop with a clatter as the captain bolts to his feet, hat tumbling backwards off his head to dangle between his shoulder blades. He spends a moment or two staring at his coughing, gagging swordsman with enormous eyes before erupting into motion, yelling at the top of his lungs for the Straw Hat's doctor even before he's cleared the dining hall door, leaving it hanging open behind him as he races out of sight.

Standing behind the bar, Sanji slowly reaches out to drag his ashtray closer so he can stub out his cigarette, eyes locked on Zoro's tensed frame as his pale-faced nakama wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeved forearm and carefully sets his mug down, pushing it across the counter towards the cook with trembling fingers.

"O-Oi, maybe you better dump this out- just in case."

"Marimo-"

"Don't- just- just don't, okay? None of that congratulations shit or any of that happy crap until Chopper says it's for sure." The first mate takes a deep, shuddering breath, pushing away from the bar as he rises to his feet. "I-I've been feeling kinda weird since yesterday- but it doesn't mean anything, right? I was helping Franky and Usopp do their repair shit on one of the other ships a few days ago, and a few of the guys over there were down with that damn bug that's been making its way through the fleet. I mighta just picked something up while I was over there."

"Zoro, you don't usually get-"

"I know, I know," The swordsman swipes his good hand across his face, fixing Sanji with a look that the blond isn't quite sure how to interpret because it's fear and hope and trepidation all rolled into one. "-but Yosaku got slammed by it too, and he doesn't get sick either- probably hasn't for years, other than that thing with the scurvy back when Luffy and Usopp damn near killed him and Johnny, and he got over that pretty frickin' quick."

The cook wraps his hands around the mug to give his fingers something to do now that he's sans cigarette, aware that his crewmate's being unusually talkative. _Poor bastard's nervous as hell, no matter what he says._

"How long for Chopper to-?"

"Few minutes, but if- if it's- he'll probably wanna run it a few times just to make sure." Zoro's pacing back and forth beside the table now, brow contorted with concern. "Shit, maybe I should drink some water or something, if he's gonna have me pissing in cups all night."

"You want me to grab you a glass...?"

"Nah, s'okay- I'll just wait 'til he tells me whether he needs to do it again." The other man's lips twitch and writhe, and Sanji realizes that he's trying to smile. "But thanks anyway, shitty cook."

"Oi, if it's positive, what're you gonna do, Marimo? You got hot-shot rookies hunting your ass down on a monthly basis now, chasing that stupid title, and they're not gonna stop showing up just 'cause you're-"

"I told you, it's not stupid, asshole- it's considered an honor when it's done properly," the green-haired pirate explains, scowling darkly at him. "I'd have to do something to keep Luffy from running them off, but I'd be okay for a while- at least 'til I, ah, 'til it started showing and then- well, there's a good chance I won't have to worry about any of this anyway, so there's no point freaking out over what I'm gonna do until we know for sure."

"You know, thinking ahead for once just might-"

An approaching clatter of hooves and the rapid slap-slap-slap of their captain's sandals ends whatever the cook might have to say, and when he glances back towards Zoro, Sanji finds his agitated nakama already heading towards the infirmary with nervous yet eager strides.

"Keep your fingers crossed, ero-cook, and wish me luck. I'm gonna fuckin' need it."


	11. A Matter Of Trust

Author's Note: This one's for Pamplemoose. I couldn't resist more Zoro and Sanji interaction. They make such awkward attempts to get along, but it's tough for them to stop bickering when they've been doing it for so long.

xxx

_Okay, I changed my mind- I think this just might be even more bizarre than when Marimo had the huge belly and the kid was making it do that weird rippling thing_, Sanji muses as he stares across the hallway to where Zoro's sitting cross-legged on the floor outside the door to their Galley-La rooms, frowning down at the squirming infant nestled in his lap. "Oi, shitty swordsman- only you could make something like feeding a baby look like a chore. No wonder he can't eat, with that grumpy face scowling at him."

"Fuck off, ero-cook," the swordsman grunts, although his eye never leaves his son's hungrily working mouth as he cautiously adjusts his grip on the nursing bottle he's holding, stubbornly resisting the urge to flex his wrist to disperse the pins-and-needles sensation that's working its way up his forearm. "This isn't as easy as it looks."

"How the hell can it be that hard?" The cook demands softly, recalling the crack Law made about the similarities between newborns and lampreys. "He sure latched onto you pretty good that time."

Cheeks flushing, the green-haired pirate opens his mouth to utter something scathing and groans instead as Ace somehow loses suction, forcibly rejects the nipple and immediately starts fussing and waving his fists. "Oh, come on- not again! Can't you just take the damn bottle so we can both go to bed?"

He slumps back against the wall, eyeing the barely-touched bottle as though he's seriously considering hurling it down the hall, but when he shifts his gaze back to the indignant baby, Zoro can't keep a pleading note from entering his voice. "It's three in the goddamn morning and I'm tired and YOU'RE tired and we gotta do this all over again in just a few hours. And you're gonna wake everybody up if you don't stop crying..."

"Why don't you just kick our captain's lazy ass out of bed and make him feed the kid?"

"I would, but last time Luffy was half-asleep and made the formula too damn thick, and Ace spit up all down my back when I tried to burp him, so I told Sencho to stick to doing the daytime feedings. He says they're going alright- I dunno why we gotta go through this bullshit every night." The swordsman sets the bottle down on the carpet beside him and scoops the now-wailing infant from his lap, cradling him in one elbow and rocking him carefully back and forth, and the expression of desperation and exhaustion on his worn face is so intense that Sanji can't help feeling slightly uncomfortable, because his normally stoic nakama actually looks close to tears.

"Oi- let me try?"

Zoro raises his gaze to glare at him, and the cook's dismayed to see that there ARE tears glinting in the corners of his eye.

"Don't get huffy with me, Marimo- I'm just trying to help. You're barely sleeping and being so goddamn tired probably isn't helping. You look like a fuckin' zombie."

"... Nami's not around to moon over you making a fuss over him. And he might spit up on your-"

"I know that!" Sanji snaps, and then he sighs, gesturing. "It doesn't matter, alright? Give him here."

The first mate stares at him for so long that the blond's about to give up and tell him to just forget it - and forget he even asked in the first place - when Zoro abruptly looks away.

"... just don't drop him or I'll kill you, shitty ero-cook."

"Don't be an asshole." Sanji holds out his arms, expectantly, and abruptly feels like an idiot when Zoro frowns at him.

"I'm not crawling over there just 'cause you're too lazy to get up and come over here."

He doesn't mention that he can't stand up without holding onto something, which is impossible with Ace in his arms, because his sutured abdomen hurts like a son-of-a-bitch and he's still getting used to the fact that his center of gravity's changed yet again, and he's grateful when the cook doesn't call him out on it and just scoots across the hallway to his side.

Watching his crewmate shuffle over on his knees is rather amusing, and the swordsman's smirking faintly despite his fatigue and about to make a snide comment, when the other man's shadow falls over him and something clicks inside his head, tightening his throat and chest and sending a wave of irrational terror sweeping through his brain. He flinches backwards, smacking his head against the wall behind him.

"Don't-!"

Sanji freezes in the act of reaching out to take Ace, who's registered the sudden tension in the arms holding him and has started howling at the top of his small yet prodigious lungs.

Although he's involuntarily flattening his body against the wall as though he's trying to shove himself through it, Zoro's just coherent enough to realize that suffering a flashback with his son still cradled to his chest will put them both in a very bad and potentially dangerous situation, and the idea of injuring the baby, even accidentally, scares him even more than the increasingly vivid sensation of phantom hands groping and clawing at him.

"Take him, Sanji, oh god, please, take Ace before I hurt him-!"

He can't hold back the sob of relief that bursts past his lips when the cook obeys without question, easing the infant from his grasp, and he tries to gasp a hurried thank you but by then it's too late and he's drowning in his own fear and smashing the back of his skull repeatedly against the wall as he digs his bare heels into the thick carpet and struggles to escape the sudden pain lancing through his rectum and lower body.

xxx

"Zoro-?"

His head aches abominably and there's the distinct coppery flavor of his own blood in his mouth when he comes back to himself, momentarily confused when he registers the soft texture of synthetic fiber beneath his cheek because he feels hideously tired but doesn't remember lying down.

"Zoro..." A familiar voice says again and fingers gently brush his cheek, and he opens his eye halfway to find his captain's anxious face peering down at him.

"S-Sencho-?" The swordsman asks thickly, wincing because his tongue feels heavy and swollen inside his mouth, and he supposes he must have bitten it. "What ha-?"

Ace squeals, and Zoro bolts upright so fast he nearly pitches face-first into Luffy's chest, his face paling and his eye wide with panic. "Oh fuck- what did I- is he-?"

"Ace is fine."

"Are you sure he's-"

"He's fine," the rubber man insists, cautiously drawing his lover into a careful embrace and tightening his hold only when the older pirate relaxes against him and wraps trembling arms around his neck. "Sanji's got him, and he just finished his bottle and he's fine."

"Little bastard dribbled formula on my shirt," the cook snorts, although his smile takes the sting out of his words. "You're buying me another one if the stain sets."

"Whatever," Zoro agrees without argument, gaze locked on the baby tucked securely in the blond's arms and wrinkling his button nose as he yawns widely, blinking sleepily. "... are you sure he's okay-?"

"That moss on your head growing into your ears now? YES, he's okay."

"If you hadn't been here, I might've-" He can't finish, because the words are caught in his throat and Luffy's suddenly squeezing him too hard.

"Zoro wouldn't do anything to hurt Ace."

"But I could've-"

Sanji looks away. "... shut up, Marimo. You didn't hurt him. You were more worried about him than yourself, anyway- even said 'please' and you're NEVER that polite, especially to me."

"... thanks for-"

"Will you stop that already? You're freaking me out, being so nice. And here, take your damn kid back before he falls asleep on me."

The swordsman hesitates, and the cook utters a growl of frustration and pushes Ace into his arms so he's forced to grab for the bundle to avoid dropping it.

"Oi! What'd I say about dropping my son? I'll kick your ass, you shitty dartboard brow!"

"Okay, that's more like it," Sanji grins, although he's looking at the captain when he says it, and as Zoro grumbles and starts circumspectly inspecting the baby to assure himself that everything really is alright and they weren't just saying so to make him feel better, his crewmates share a moment of perfect understanding.

_We gotta get Zoro some kinda help..._

_I wonder if Iceburg-san knows any decent therapists..._


	12. Baby Steps

One of two requested by cb O chan.

xxx

"C'mon, squirt, you can do it, 'cause you're SUPER!"

"Oi, Usopp, you gettin' this?" Sanji asks, serving tray forgotten as he raises one curly eyebrow at the sight of Franky breaking into an impromptu and slightly disturbing pose meant to inspire confidence. Or something. "The kid, I mean, not the idiot prancing around over there."

"Yeah, but- hang on a second." Pencil in hand, the sniper squints in concentration as his gaze darts back and forth between his sketchpad and Ace, who's clinging to Robin's skirt with chubby fists and wobbling unsteadily on his feet as he stares at Luffy's outstretched arms with large, unblinking eyes, as though very confused as to why his father's just sitting on the grass and grinning instead of getting up and coming over to get him.

"C'mere, Ace! You're gonna pull her skirt down and then we'll have to call Chopper 'cause Sanji's nose'll start bleeding all over the place!"

"Damn it, Luffy!" The cook protests, kicking the captain lightly in the ribs. "Shitty bastard, quit screwing around and go get your brat before he rips Robin-chan's-!"

"It's alright," the historian laughs, one hand bunched in the fabric of her waistband to keep it from slipping as she smiles down at the child who's now sucking one thumb and bumping against her leg as he fights to keep his balance. "I don't mind."

"Kid's as bad as his parents, destroying shit everywhere he goes."

"Like you should talk," Usopp mutters under his breath, pencil flying across the page as he shades Robin's hair, makes Ace's eyes just a little rounder and impulsively doodles a small Doskoi Panda on the chest of his t-shirt. He pauses to hold his work out at arms-length so he can cast a scrutinizing eye over it, and nearly jumps out of his skin when he discovers that Zoro's standing right behind him, peering over his shoulder. "GAH!"

"Cute," the swordsman mutters, reaching past to tap a finger against the sketchpad. "Drawing our kid in East Blue designer shit? Nami's gonna freak if Luffy sees that and decides he wants Ace actually wearing it. What the hell are you guys up to, anyway?"

"You seriously gotta ask, Marimo?"

The Straw Hats' first mate studies the scene before him, taking in the now-gyrating cyborg cheering squad of one, the baby hanging resolutely onto Robin's skirt - which is absolutely positively fucking adorable, although he'll admit no such thing if anyone asks - and his lover, who briefly flashes that dazzling grin in his direction before he returns to waving encouragingly at their son.

"Honestly," he sighs, brushing past Usopp. "Oi, Ace. C'mere."

Ace immediately lets go of the historian's leg, takes one very unsteady step towards Zoro and tries for another, loses his balance, plunks down hard on his ass with a squeak of surprise and starts crying around the thumb in his mouth.

"YEAH!" Luffy bellows, springing to his feet to high-five the shipwright who's paused beside him. "HE DID IT, HE DID IT!"

"He- he did- HE DID!" Franky roars back and gleefully drags the captain into a frenzied victory dance around the lawn deck, both of them chanting, "SUPER, SUPER, SUPER, ACE IS SUPER!"

Zoro rolls his eyes at Robin as he approaches his whimpering, teary-eyed son, who raises both arms in unmistakable demand, and casually scoops the baby up in one arm. "Like I keep saying, we're surrounded by idiots."

Ace doesn't agree or disagree, just sucks furiously on his thumb, but he snuggles closer against his father's chest, and when the green-haired pirate's sure no one's looking - they're all too distracted by the singing, dancing duo who've gotten boisterous enough to draw an amused Nami from the library, a giggling Chopper from his infirmary and a quizzical Brook from the lookout tower - he grins and nuzzles his nose into the little boy's messy black hair. "Complete and utter idiots. But they're right- Ace IS super."


	13. Safety First

My first post-alternate ending drabble! For Lady Red Darkness, who suggested it might "be interesting to see Zoro's and Luffy's kid at different ages." You know Ace is going to drive everyone - especially his parents - insane trying to keep tabs on him when he starts walking. I'll go out on a limb and say he's maybe 18-21 months here; not much older, but still out of the baby-baby stage.

Poor Zoro's gonna start getting gray hair before he's 30.

xxx

"I'm sorry, okay? I thought-"

"YOU SAID IT WAS FIXED!"

"It was! Look, man, no lies- I don't know how it busted again!" Franky protests, shrinking away as the enraged swordsman stalking back and forth across the lawn deck pauses to glare at him, teeth clenched and nostrils flared. "Oi, Zoro-bro, settle down already, alright? You're scarin' your kid!"

"GOOD!" Zoro roars, jabbing the cyborg in the chest forcefully enough to make him flinch. "He should be scared- HE COULDA GOTTEN HIMSELF KILLED!"

The first mate whirls on Usopp, and the sniper takes a step back at the fury visible in his nakama's single eye. "And YOU- you promised me you'd watch him, but you didn't even notice when he wandered off 'cause YOU WERE TOO BUSY FUCKING AROUND WITH YOUR GODDAMN SHITTY EXPLOSIVES!"

Breath hissing raggedly between his teeth, the older pirate pauses, waiting for an excuse, a bullshit lie, anything, but Usopp can't meet his gaze much less speak to defend himself, and the other Straw Hats are equally silent, staring fixedly at their feet.

"Daddy-?" A small voice asks hesitantly, and Zoro squeezes his eye shut and covers it momentarily with one shaking hand, struggling to contain the strong emotions that are responsible for his rapid pulse and the way his heart's slamming away inside his ribcage.

"Shhh," Luffy murmurs soothingly, hushing the wide-eyed toddler he's balancing on one hip and nuzzling his nose into Ace's hair as the little boy clutches at his vest and peeks out from where he's hiding his face against his father's neck. "Zoro's not mad at you- it just really scared him, finding you on the stairs like that."

"Haramaki-bro-"

"Zoro, I'm sorry- I-"

"Save it," the swordsman growls, dropping his hand and blinking away the moisture caught in his eyelashes. He swipes angrily at his face and briefly surveys the guilty pair with a venomous look before stomping over and seizing his captain's free arm, pulling his lover and son with him as he storms towards the door to the aquarium bar, hoping that watching the brightly-colored fish in the enormous tank will be enough to distract their child until he regains enough composure to speak to Ace without shouting at him.

Luffy allows himself to be ushered inside without complaint, and Zoro glances back at Franky one last time before he slams the door shut behind them. "And fix that fucking baby gate the RIGHT way this time."


	14. Everybody Loves Dinosaurs

"Oi, Sencho- how the hell do you always get Ace to eat his vegetables? He won't stop throwing the goddamn things at me, and Nami just raised my fuckin' interest two-hundred-percent 'cause a piece of broccoli hit her in the eye."

"Huh? Oh! That's really easy- Zoro just needs to act like the spoon's a runaway sea train so Ace can pretend to be a really gigantic sea king grabbing the carrots - err, I mean the cars - off the tracks! BUT- Zoro's gotta make all the chugga-chugga, woo-woo noises too or he'll just spit 'em back out."

"... you're shitting me, right?"

"Oh, oh! Or- he likes when we pretend to be dinosaurs eating trees, and Zoro's already kinda green and growls a lot too, so he'd make a really good dinosaur!"

"C'mon, Luffy- you don't seriously expect me to believe that you go through all that every time you-? Jeez, you do, don't you. Son of a bitch. Are you really telling me there isn't some way to feed our kid that doesn't involve me publicly humiliating myself in front of the shitty cook and the rest of the bloody crew?"


	15. You've Been Drafted

_Just a few more islands to the north and then I'm-_

Nami shrieks in surprise and nearly spatters ink across her map when her captain, stark naked and dripping water everywhere and clutching his equally bare and wet-haired three-year-old son under the armpits, drops suddenly through the opening in the ceiling to land beside her desk, eschewing the ladder in favor of a much faster route and talking a mile a minute.

"Nami, Nami, Nami, do me a favor and watch Ace 'cause Zoro's waiting for me in the ofuro and he's naked and he said we can have sex - oop, I mean S-E-X - if I find somebody to keep an eye on Ace but I gotta make it fast so he doesn't change his mind and if I'm lucky he'll still be in the ofuro and still be naked when I get back and that's good 'cause I don't think we've had se- S-E-X in WEEKS but Zoro's waiting for me and he's NAKED and we'll be down for Ace in a little bit, thanks, bye!"

Before the startled navigator can process what he's babbling, the younger pirate's dumping his bewildered child into her lap and bypassing the ladder once again as he rockets himself back upstairs. One stretchy arm flings down a tangle of clothing including one small pair of socks, Luffy's shorts and Zoro's haramaki, and then the bathhouse door slams overhead.

Nami and Ace stare at each other.

"Daddy get bath?" He asks her incredulously, looking remarkably like his swordsman father when his brow furrows in confusion, because he's not sure, but he thinks his Captain-Daddy might've gotten a bath already, at the same time Ace got his, and he can't figure out why ANYBODY would want two baths in one day. "He dirty?"

"I guess so," the red-haired woman sighs and starts rummaging through her desk drawer for scrap paper and the box of oversized crayons she picked up at the last port. "Alright, honey, I think your daddies want some time alone, so let's go out on the deck and you can draw me that sea king you were telling us all about at breakfast this morning. The light's better in here, but it's a nice day outside and Franky never did get around to soundproofing the bathhouse ventilation system like I asked."

_And Luffy can explain to Zoro why you're wearing nothing but your socks, because I am NOT going up there to hunt down the rest of your clothes._


	16. Three Generations Of Monkeys

So, draches requested Garp meeting his great grandson, and not only have I never WRITTEN Garp before, but I decided to do the damn drabble from his point-of-view. This thing wasn't a challenge, it was a bloody MARATHON, considering we've seen like... zilch... of 2YL Garp to know how the events of the past few years have changed him, and for the purposes of this story, I had to write 8YL Garp. Oh my god. But seriously, my beta liked this and he's usually super nit-picky about canon, so hopefully I did it justice, because I've been getting so much lovely Crossfire artwork from draches (go look at it on my LiveJournal page!) and absolutely had to do this request for her.

xxx

After issuing a stern promise to render both men bleeding and unconscious and therefore incapable of causing further mayhem if they DARE damage any of her furniture, even second-hand as it is, Dadan wanders off to hunt down a bottle of whiskey and another cigarette, leaving Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy and former Marine Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp staring silently at each other from their respective sides of the room.

_I think he's gotten taller_, the white-haired man muses as he studies the reproachful scowl aimed in his direction, strongly aware that this is the first time he's actually seen Luffy in person since Marineford. When he'd burst through Dadan's front door, shouting loudly for the mountain bandit boss to put down her scrapbooks long enough to join him for a round or two at Makino's bar, he never expected to find his own grandson perusing the heavy volumes with the old broad, despite the paper's recent reports of the Pirate King's fleet leaving the Grandline for East Blue.

_I'll be damned if the little brat didn't go right ahead and do exactly what he claimed._

He's seen the photographs, of course- the paper's been inundated with images of the new sovereign of the seas ever since the claiming of One Piece, and every time he's flipped open the latest bundle of newsprint or Coby's most recent and heavily censored communications, his eyes have been immediately drawn to that familiar visage and straw hat, but now that they're finally face-to-face, Garp's somewhat disturbed to find that he barely recognizes the young pirate currently sitting stiffly on the tattered sofa across from him. Or rather, he barely recognizes the young pirate's expression, which is openly hostile and rife with mistrust.

The hint of fear doesn't surprise him - his son's son has always been slightly leery of him, and rightfully so, considering his herculean efforts to properly train the boy - but he's taken aback by the blatant aura of anger radiating from that slim and normally congenial figure.

_Roger's son. Does he blame me for Ace's death?_

The loss still smarts even eight years after the fact, and he's startled by the realization that so much time's passed, because it seems like only yesterday that he was facing his enraged grandson on the execution platform, closing his eyes and steeling himself to take the blow of the Gear-powered fist swinging towards him. He's opening his mouth to ask if it's really true, if the young man facing him is really TWENTY-FIVE now and where's the time gone, when he hears the murmur of voices and mismatched footsteps in the hallway, and Luffy's gaze instantly flashes in that direction and although it doesn't seem possible for the Pirate King's already ramrod-straight spine to tense anymore than it already has, he shoots upright in his seat, nostrils flaring.

_Why's he so damned jumpy?_

"You wash 'em? BOTH of 'em?"

"Yeah!"

"Good. Can't have you getting crumbs in those photo albums, 'cause they're important. You remembered to dry your hands, right? C'mon, hold 'em up so I can see- uh uh, forget it, I'm not gonna chase- OI! Getcher ass back here, you little-!"

There's a faint giggle and one set of footsteps speeds up abruptly.

"ACE! What'd I say about running inside? Didn't Dadan threaten to break your ankles if you bust any of her shi-?"

Garp's not sure who's more surprised: himself or the grinning one-eyed pirate who's just rounded the corner in pursuit of the small dark-haired child who's laughing out loud and ducking to elude the hand outstretched to snag him by the collar.

Regardless, Roronoa Zoro - impossible to mistake because his bounty's skyrocketed following his defeat of Hawk-eyes a few months ago, resulting in a flood of speculation and new wanted posters, and it's not like there's too many other green-haired swordsmen traipsing about the globe to begin with - recovers and reacts first, the smile freezing and dropping instantly from his face as he surges forward with almost unnatural speed to sweep the small boy behind him in one practiced motion even as he brings two swords ringing free of their sheaths to cross defensively before him.

"Luffy, what the hell's this bastard doing here?"

"Daddy? Who's the big man with the beard, and why's Daddy got his swords out? Is Daddy gonna cut him?" This from the child currently peering around the Pirate Hunter's hip and glancing worriedly between him and Luffy, much to Garp's confusion, because although the brat's clutching insecurely at the back of Roronoa's haramaki with one hand, he sure looks a lot like-

The former Marine actually does a double-take, checking the sofa to make sure that his grandson's still there, because for just a second he can't remember whether Luffy is twenty-five or FOUR and glances about half-expecting to find Ace and Sabo peering at him from the relative safety of the hallway or the cramped space beneath the coffee table.

"Ace, go to Luffy."

"But Daddy-"

"Now!"

The boy reluctantly retreats across the room as instructed, and the rubber man perching nervously on the edge of the sofa immediately sweeps him up without a trace of hesitation, and although the swordsman's edging between them, Garp can't help craning his neck to continue staring at the uncanny resemblance between what his brain insists must be father and son.

"There were rumors," he says dumbly, eyes locked on the child, who's boldly peering back at him from the protective circle of Luffy's arms. "Vague reports of- living on your ship- Coby said- but I never thought-"

"Luffy, we should go," Roronoa mutters tersely, diverting the older man's attention as he adjusts his grip on his weapons, and Garp's eyes widen slightly in surprise as he notices for the first time that the World's Greatest Swordsman is missing the last two fingers on his right hand.

_Looks like an old injury too- how in blazes did he defeat Hawk-Eyes with a maimed hand?_

"Not without the pictures Dadan promised me. And we should say goodbye."

"Daddy, who IS that?" The child demands, pointing unabashedly at their bewildered elder. "And why are you and Daddy both mad at him?"

"I think-" Garp says slowly, "I think I'm your great grandfather."

Luffy doesn't acknowledge this statement, but he doesn't deny it either, and the way Roronoa's eye darts fleetingly towards his captain to judge his response confirms it.

"Yes, yes, I think that's right, boy- I'm your great grandfather!" He rises from his seat, drawing a low growl of warning from the Pirate King's first mate, but he barely notices, too absorbed and excited by the knowledge that he's meeting his great grandson for the first time. "Come here and-"

"Stay away from my son." "Leave Ace alone." The two other men warn him simultaneously.

"You named him Ace? His name is Ace?"

The pirates glance at each other, then at the confused little boy fidgeting in the arms that have tightened around him, holding him securely on his father's lap despite his valiant efforts to squirm free, and Garp's more confused than ever, because while the child - Ace? - clearly resembles Luffy, it was Roronoa who just referred to the brat as his son.

_That's funny; I knew the two of 'em were bed partners, have been for a long time, but I didn't think- what kind of crew's my grandson running, that his lover would claim the child as his own? Never gonna understand these pirates- are they all banging each other on that ship? Is this another thing he learned from Red-haired Shanks, that lousy-?_

"Yeah, we named him Ace," Luffy agrees reluctantly, eyeing him warily.

"Who's his mother?" Garp looks about, as though expecting to find a petite female pirate peering shyly at him from the next room- maybe that red-headed navigator-

_What do they call her- ah, the Cat Burglar. Gotta be her, unless he's got some woman waiting for him in a village somewhere on the Grandline; brat looks like he's four, maybe five, so it had to be someone already with his crew and not with the fleet he's rumored to be gathering, and Dragon's boy might be ambitious, but I don't see him bedding Nico Robin. She's more his father's type and-_

"Are you talking about me?" Ace asks, tugging at his parent's arm and peering curiously at the white-haired man frowning at him. "Sanji-ani says I should call Daddy 'Mama Momo' but it makes Daddy yell and then Nami-aneki yells too 'cause they fight and break stuff. I like Nami-aneki 'cause she lets me color in my fort under her desk if I'm really good and quiet while she's making maps, but she's scary when she yells. She hits really hard too- even Daddy tries to hide when she gets mad!"

This proclamation draws stifled noises from both men, and Garp's brow furrows more deeply as he stares at them, because his grandson's snickering and the corners of Roronoa's mouth are twitching as though he's trying to hide a smile although he's also grumbling and calling "Sanji-ani" a shitty bastard.

"Are you really my great grandpa? Daddy said I had one - and a grandpa too - but he gets sad when he talks about them."

The former Vice Admiral sinks slowly back into his chair. "Yes, yes, I suppose he would. It's been a long time since your daddy and I saw each other- several years before you were born, I imagine, and we didn't part on very good terms, I'm afraid. We both lost someone we cared for very much."

"Lost? Didn't you look for him- like we do when Daddy gets lost trying to find-?"

"No, kiddo," Roronoa says softly, taking a moment to resheathe his swords before easing Ace out of his suddenly pale-faced captain's arms. "It wasn't that kind of lost."

The swordsman fixes Garp with a calculating stare, surprisingly menacing considering he's only got the one eye with which to glare, apparently decides he's not a threat - at least not for the moment - and joins Luffy on the sofa, draping one arm casually around the younger pirate's shoulders while the other firmly corrals the child attempting to slide from his lap. There's no mistaking the gesture as anything other than a warning: my family, so hands off.

_They LOOK like a family. I don't know if I can remember Dragon ever spending more than a few minutes with the boy, before he asked me to take him, and he was NEVER as comfortable with Luffy as what I'm seeing now._

"How old is my great grandson?"

The Pirate King takes a deep breath, resolve surfacing on his face. "Ace is five. And he's NOT going to be a Marine, so don't even-"

"I should think not."

"-not going to throw him off cliffs or in quicksand or make him fight wild animals or any of that other crappy- huh?"

"If you recall, I resigned." Garp says stiffly, his fingers tightening on the chair arms. "I'll not lose any more family members to-"

He stops, staring, because Roronoa is laughing and it's unlike any laughter he's heard from the man before- cold and bitter and strained.

"Yeah, well, your fucking Marines almost-"

"Zoro."

The Straw Hat captain's first mate falls quiet, his jaw clenching as he tears his gaze away to glare at the floor.

"Daddy doesn't like those people- the ones who chase us in the ships with the birds on the sails," Ace explains solemnly, abandoning his quest to reach the floor in favor of wriggling upright to wrap both arms around the older pirate's neck. "He always makes me hide when they come, and sometimes at night, he has bad drea-"

"That's enough, Ace," the Pirate Hunter murmurs, hugging the boy tightly and ruffling his hair, and leaving Garp to wonder what exactly they're not saying.

"Luffy, Roronoa...san-?" He's not quite sure how to properly address the man, but from the way that single eye's just widened almost imperceptibly, he supposes he chose wisely. "May I speak to my great grandson?"

The younger men exchange a look, gazes locked in silent conversation, and then the swordsman sighs, settling back against the cushions and tugging the sheathed swords that have been poking him in the side free of his belt so he can lean them against the sofa's arm. "Up to you, Sencho. And- no, Ace, don't touch. You wanna play swords, you wait 'til we get back to the ship and I'll let you try out the new one Usopp made for you."

"But I like Daddy's better."

"I know, but they're sharp, and there's a lot of things that are a hell of a lot easier to do when you've got all your fingers." Roronoa glances over at the rubber man beside him, who's flushing slightly and trying to hide a grin.

"Like buttons."

"Exactly," the green-haired man coughs. "Sorry, kiddo, no katanas for you."

"Awww..."

"Oi, you can make puppy-dog eyes at me all you want, but I'm not changing my-"

"It works for Daddy."

"Couple of manipulative little bastards- both of you!"

"Shishishi-" "Nee hee!"

"He's good with him," Garp remarks to his snickering grandson, and he's surprised and quite pleased when Luffy grins back at him.

"Yeah, Zoro really loves Ace."

"So I get that you and Roronoa do the joint custody thing, but you're going to introduce me to the boy's mother, right? Where is the young lady?"

"Ah, well-"


	17. Smoke And Broken Mirrors

Opening Author's Note

Before you start reading this one, please be advised that there are warnings for the following: death, gore, implied torture, and far too many unpleasant and emotionally-upsetting themes. And if you're familiar with Crossfire already, you're already well aware that there's also mpreg involved.

This is not like any of the other drabbles that I've written for CF, and I'm going to tell you right now that you may not like this one, because this is pure darkfic that goes into further detail regarding psychological responses to the traumatic events mentioned in the main fic. If I had to categorize it, I'd probably say it fits more into the horror genre than anywhere else.

There will be a closing author's note following this drabble, because unlike my other drabbles that stray into dangerous territory - like "Gross Conjecture" and "Made To Be Broken" (not to mention the entire original ending to CF itself) - this one leaves me downright uncomfortable and feeling as though I need to rationalize its development. Also, I apologize in advance for any typos, mis-spellings or just plain incorrect vocabulary; my beta did his best, but we're both rather tired, and I can't bring myself to keep reading this over and over for editing purposes.

In any case, consider yourself warned: here there be monsters (and some insanely crazy run-on sentences).

xxx

His head is aching abominably when he opens his eyes, squinting painfully at the fierce throbbing in his temple, which feels as though someone tried to drive a steel beam through his skull.

_Ungh... Wh-What happened and where-?_

He's too disoriented to recognize his surroundings even though they're dimly lit by what looks like glowing orbs floating somewhere over his head; his vision's still too blurry, although he does register that he's sprawled face-down on a hard, flat surface that's extremely uncomfortable beneath his belly.

He rolls slowly onto his side to relieve the pressure on his abdomen - thankfully, he's not that far along yet or it'd be a hell of a lot harder to breathe - with one hand cautiously cradling what's finally becoming a noticeable bump even as the other darts to his hip to grasp Kitetsu's hilt.

His fingers close on empty air.

_What the-!_

He reaches for Shusui, then Wado, and to his dismay and growing alarm, he's left empty-handed and only now realizes that he didn't even feel the katanas' sheaths banging against his thigh when he rolled over or hear them scraping against the floor. He's not only at a loss to where he's found himself or how the hell he got there, but he's also unarmed.

He clenches his teeth, struggling to squelch the panic rising in his chest, his nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily through his nose.

_Calm the fuck down, right now or-_

He inhales again, more deeply, and that's when the smell hits him. The coppery reek invades his sinuses and makes him gag, forcing him to brace splayed fingers against his stomach as his diaphragm heaves insistently enough to tug on the already stressed ligaments.

_Not gonna puke- I'm not gonna-_

He's turned his gaze automatically towards the source of the strong odor, unconsciously seeking to locate and thereby avoid what smells like a slaughtered animal, and by now the swordsman's eyes have adjusted to the darkness, but at first he still doesn't quite comprehend what he's seeing. Frowning as he stares into the shadows, he turns the shape over and over in his mind, and when the last puzzle piece finally snaps into place-

It's now apparent that he's below-decks on the Sunny, lying on the floor of the corridor that runs between the central room containing the ship's capstan and the entrance to the energy room one level above, but he doesn't take much notice. He's too busy scrambling clumsily to his hands and knees to avoid choking on the vomit that's surging up his esophagus and splattering the Adam wood planks beneath him with horrible intensity, causing an additional smell that conspires with the already existing stench of blood to keep him dry-heaving long after his stomach has emptied itself.

Coughing and retching at the acidic taste burning his mouth and throat, he scoots backwards to put some distance between himself and the mess - two messes now, really - and one hand comes down on something sharp that slices the edge of his palm before it slides away under his weight. His body reacts automatically, lunging for what might be a potential weapon while he continues backing away, completely unaware of his vocal cords producing a deep groan of denial and disbelief.

He struggles upright on his knees, fingers wrapped so tightly around the handle of the knife that he can feel his heart pulsing in his knuckles as he flattens his body against the wall closest to his back, unwilling to leave it exposed while he moves towards the heart of the Sunny at what feels like a snail's pace.

There's a second piece of cutlery near the base of the capstan. He retrieves it and tucks both Santoku into his sash with trembling hands, cursing brokenly as he nearly stabs his own thigh in the process before using the ship's steering mechanism spokes to pull himself upright.

_This is not- this is not happening!_

But the knives now strapped to his hip make it very clear that he wasn't mistaken, and there's something utterly wrong and almost profane about discovering those knives in their current state, scattered haphazardly on the floor - abandoned - with their blades dull and chipped and caked with-

He's seen them before, of course. Many times. Secured in the big wooden block sitting on the kitchen counter, dicing leeks and slicing daikon radishes into neat rounds. He's even handled them before while standing at the sink, affecting an expression of boredom and disdain while he listens to the cook bitch at him to make sure he dries them well and doesn't leave his shitty marimo fingerprints on the steel before returning them to their proper place, because if he finds one speck of rust or careless smudge-

_Cook- Sanji, you-_

The cook's not going to be complaining about Zoro's dish- and cutlery-drying skills again. Or his incessant weight-lifting. Or his being rude to the women. Or anything else for that matter.

The green-haired pirate sways unsteadily, darkness swarming the edges of his vision, and only his desperate grip on the capstan keeps him from toppling over and spilling to the floor. He wants to close his eyes, make it go away, but he doesn't know who or what might still be lurking on the ship, and he knows it doesn't matter anyway.

Because if he closes his eyes, he'll still see it imprinted on the insides of his eyelids: his nakama's matted hair, gold now muddied strawberry-blond with drying blood, torn shirt unbuttoned and pulled askew to expose the gaping partially-empty chest cavity and dangling viscera. And resting in the cook's hands, which lay folded neatly in his lap, with her long raven locks artfully arranged so her hair looks like some large, crawling web that drapes over Sanji's wrists and trails across his thighs, her eyes still open and wide with unspeakable pain and anguish, Robin's-

There's a harsh noise escaping him, a low whine barely capable of escaping his tightening throat, and the swordsman staggers as his knees buckle until he's hanging onto the capstan with both arms, fighting to keep his consciousness and his footing.

_DON'T YOU DARE! _A cold, angry voice shouts at him from somewhere inside his head. _DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING FAINT ON ME, SHITTY MARIMO!_

He's losing his mind, going absolutely mad down here in the bowels of the ship. He must be, because he can't possibly be hearing what he thinks he's hearing, not when he can still make out the shadowy figure of the cook's eviscerated body slumped against the wall at the opposite end of the hall with the historian's severed head cradled in his lap.

_Kenshi-san. Listen to me, Kenshi-san. You can't help us now. It's too late for us- but there are others onboard this vessel, and some of them may still be alive._

Her tone is calm and collected, and Zoro finds himself on the verge of hysterical laughter because what else should he have expected but for Robin to continue being the crew's voice of reason even after she's dead?

But she's right, as usual, and he stumbles around the capstan towards the bow with one hand pressed firmly against the side of his lower belly, where an insistent cramp's now spiking relentlessly through his abdominal muscles. It must be from throwing up and then moving too quickly, he tells himself, because considering the alternative is unacceptable.

_Just keep walking, asshole. You stood up too damn fast and pulled a bunch of muscles, that's all._

He glances back briefly, feeling a surge of self-loathing for leaving Sanji and Robin behind. It doesn't seem right, even though they're beyond caring.

_Dead. They're DEAD._

Zoro almost wants to turn around and go back, take another look, because he doesn't completely believe it. Some part of him's convinced that he was mistaken, it's not real- just some stupid prank concocted with smoke and mirrors and far too much theatrical blood, because he's seen some of the guys playing around with the shit before. If so, it's an incredibly bad and tasteless joke.

But he doesn't stop moving, because his instincts are telling him otherwise - that it's all far too real - and his throat and chest are getting tighter and tighter with the growing fear that the historian might be mistaken - she might be WRONG - and he might be the only living creature on the Sunny aside from the baby he's carrying tucked out of sight beneath the haramaki encircling his middle, but even the thought of his lover's unborn child provides little comfort, because while Law and the Straw Hat's own doctor keep insisting everything is fine...

Without their word, he'd never even know it was still alive, because he still hasn't felt-

_Chopper said it's probably too early at fifteen weeks. He said it's too early, but- but-_

But he doesn't want to think about what it might mean if Chopper's wrong. And even if Chopper's right, if Zoro's the only one alive on the ship, then Luffy and Ace- his captain and his son-

_No. No, no, no, no, NO._

Despite his adamant rejection of the very idea, he can't get it out of his head - the things he's terrified he might find behind the bedroom door at the far end of the corridor - and the distance between him and his goal seems to stretch out for miles before him as he makes his way down the hallway, leaning heavily against the wall because the twinges lancing through his stomach are now severe enough to hamper his movement.

He's pausing for a moment that feels like an eternity, light-headed because he can't seem to catch his breath no matter how much he berates his laboring lungs, when SHE slips out of the shadows beside him, emerging from a void of darkness where only moments ago there was nothing.

There's no time to chide himself for dropping his guard, although the very notion of being caught unawares is ridiculous - he NEVER drops his guard, not for anything or anyone - and the sense of wrong, the sense of unreality, prods him yet again but he brushes it off without a second thought. It's as though she's appeared out of nowhere, which is impossible because so far as he knows there's only two other people in the world capable of doing so and one is unmistakably male and the other pink-haired and far too petite and he hasn't seen either of them for years, but he hasn't seen HER for years either - or so he supposes - and he's too busy fighting the loathsome sensation of his skin crawling in revulsion at the very sight of her, and he can't move even though she's stalking towards him, tongue darting from the corner of her mouth to slide suggestively between her lips.

_What the hell is wrong with you- RUN! _His brain is screaming at him, and he swears he hears Sanji and Robin screaming right along with it even though that's impossible, but the woman slinking closer and closer is now grinning sadistically beneath the thick mop of hair obscuring her eyes and from somewhere inside his skull floats the insane but absolute and inexplicable knowledge that she hears the screaming too - she hears all three of them shrieking in unison - and that's why her lips are curling open wider to reveal sharp white teeth and transforming her knowing smile into a jubilant leer.

He can't look away from her bared canines, remembering the damage and pain they're capable of inflicting, and that triggers a flood of other equally vile and hellish memories, and all coherent thought leaves him then, leaving only hate and fear and blind panic as he swings a fist directly into the gloating countenance of Impel Down's Chief Guard, who should be dead and reduced to nothing more than rodent-gnawed bones in the remnants of the World Government's now-defunct prison, not reaching for him with brightly-colored, viciously hooked nails and murmuring "Roronoa" in a husky voice that drags a howl of distress and indignation from him as he strikes.

The blow catches Sadi-chan full in the face. And it does absolutely NOTHING.

He's lashed out with enough force to snap her head back, fracture cartilage and shatter bone and send a fountain of blood erupting from her nose, but the impact doesn't even knock her off-balance. A pillow would likely do more damage- at least send her staggering backwards a step.

It's impossible. It's unreal, it's wrong- it's WRONG, just like everything that's happened since he regained consciousness and found himself prone on the floor, and somewhere behind him in the dark are the defiled corpses of two of his nakama and he's alone in this corridor with the only enemy he's ever truly feared and this time no one's going to save him - them - because he knows with absolute certainty that he's the last living soul riding a ghost ship, that everyone else is dead- the crew, his captain, even-

He loses control, uttering a roar of rage and pain and loss that echoes through the Sunny, tears streaming down his cheeks as he ignores the increasing intensity of the spasms seizing his insides and attacks. He'll kill her if he's allowed the opportunity, but there's no way he'll let her take him alive, and if that means his own death, he doesn't care because he knows who's waiting for him on the other side.

Although he's too far gone to truly consider appropriate battle tactics, that innate sixth sense that's served him well for so long is still operating on some primitive level, and it recognizes that pummeling the Chief Guard with fists is merely a waste of energy, and he goes for the knives - how, how, for fuck's sake, has he forgotten that he's armed - but what he pulls from his sash are not the cook's Santoku but two blood-smudged and slightly-nibbled sketching pencils.

For a moment, Zoro's stunned into sanity, firmly aware that none of this makes any sense and maybe, just maybe, it's NOT real and it's all just a-

That clarity's wrenched from his grasp when his opponent bursts into delighted laughter, which ripples through the hallway and rings hatefully in his ears, and then she tells him what she's done to the bushy-haired man with the long nose and how he pleaded with her so amusingly to spare the others before he died, and the swordsman goes for her veiled eyes with the drawing instruments that he's now clutching in fists shaking with unrestrained fury, completely forgetting the disparities in reality in his desire to end her.

He's on the verge of driving the black point of one pencil through her hair into the socket hidden beneath when she moves, head turning almost imperceptibly, causing the graphite tip to lay open her cheek rather than blinding her, and then she's closer, INSIDE the range of his arms, invading his space and now so near that he can feel the warm gust of her breath puffing against his collarbone.

Vicious pain slices repeatedly across his abdomen, ripping a muffled cry from between his clenched teeth and causing him to drop his unlikely weapons from suddenly nerveless fingers. They clatter to the floor, rolling away as he takes a stumbling step backwards, empty hands clutching for his stomach, and he sees that she's holding the pair of knives that he somehow misplaced. The blades are glistening wetly in the dim light, and as he watches, she raises one and nonchalantly licks it clean, leaving a long crimson smear on her tongue before it disappears behind her lips.

_H-How did she-? No, it doesn't make any sense! It doesn't make any-_

But his unbuttoned coat's now hanging limply against his sides, no longer restrained by the severed sash that's slipping loose from his waist along with his haramaki, and he can feel something thick and hot spilling down his thighs, soaking his trousers until they're clinging to his skin and filling his boots, and he doesn't want to look down because he knows what the liquid is and what he'll find, but he's helpless to resist and his gaze is drawn down to his belly just as surely as the metal filings he's seen drawn to Franky's magnets.

She's torn him open with multiple strokes, leaving a gaping wound worse than any Mihawk ever inflicted on him, and his hands are full where they're clutching at his torn flesh. Full of blood and his own pulsing guts and - _oh god, oh god NO_ - something else that's squirming weakly in the cradle of his spread fingers.

He opens his mouth to shout for Chopper, desperation forcing him to trust that the ship's doctor is still alive even though he knows better, but nothing emerges but a brief torrent of blood. He can barely fill his lungs to breathe much less shout, but he tries again anyway, because even though he's probably dying - his vision's going dark and he can feel the strength leaking out of him as the pool on the Adam wood beneath his feet continues spreading, lapping at the pointed toes of Sadi-chan's shoes - even though he's not going to make it this time, it's okay, as long as-

_Too early, you know it's too early. Not even that cocky shithead Law could-_

And while he may not want to believe it, he knows it's true. His captain is dead, his crew is dead, and he's on the brink himself, left with nothing but the half-formed child that's dying in his hands.

"No. No. No-no-no-NO-NO!"

He's still screaming the same word over and over when his strength fails and he falls into the darkness.

xxx

The sudden crash sends Luffy hurtling for the lamp beside him, heart thundering crazily in his chest at being woken so abruptly, and he finds himself fumbling wildly in the dark for several moments before he finally locates the switch and floods the room with light.

For a moment, he's confused because nothing seems out of place, but then he realizes that Zoro's side of the bed is empty and then his eyes settle on the overturned night table at the opposite end of the headboard, and he scrambles across the mattress for a better look.

He finds his swordsman on the floor, sprawled on his back with his flailing limbs tangled in the sheet that he's dragged down with him, and the disoriented older pirate is making an urgent, strangled and incomprehensible noise that sends chills cascading down the captain's spine, because it's been a long time since he's heard that kind of terror in his lover's voice.

"Zoro- Zoro, wake up! ZORO!"

The bedroom door bangs open as Ace bursts in- and immediately freezes on the threshold when he takes in the scene before him: one parent shouting frantically and hovering over the other, who's kicking and thrashing on the floor and repeatedly banging his head against the underside of the bed frame in the process.

"Daddy-?"

Luffy's head jerks up. "Ace, go get Chopper!"

To his consternation, his son takes one hesitant step into the room and then another.

"But-"

"I said go get Chopper! NO, DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

He doesn't mean to shout and regrets it instantly when the six-year-old's eyes go wide and slightly shocked - he's probably just scared the crap out of the kid - but Ace whirls and goes tearing back out before he can apologize or explain that he's not mad but just a little freaked out and not completely awake.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck, oh-"

Relief floods through the rubber man at the sound of Zoro's voice; if the swordsman's talking coherently enough to swear, he's probably awake. The litany of curses continues, and while it would make him laugh at any other time because it sounds almost like a broken and somewhat profane tone dial recording, he's too concerned with the way his lover's shivering uncontrollably.

Eventually, the breathless and repetitive rambling falters and the spasmodic movements die down to an occasional nervous twitch, and his first mate calms down and squints up at him, raising trembling fingers to brush gingerly at the rising lumps on his forehead. "OW! Shit, that hurts! What the hell happened?"

"Zoro was dreaming and fell out of bed," the captain explains, disheartened by the blatant shakiness of the older pirate's hand but diplomatically pretending not to notice. "I think he probably hit his head on the night table when he knocked it over..."

"Sure feels that way," Zoro mutters, tilting his head back slightly to survey the offending piece of furniture, which is upside down and several feet from where it started. He's got one hell of headache starting, if the ache in his temple is any indication. "What else did I miss? I thought I heard you yelling at somebody."

"Zoro wouldn't wake up, and Ace came in and wanted to help, but-" Luffy fidgets, not wanting to imply that someone might've gotten hurt, but his swordsman's already nodding, face tense with understanding, because they both know too well just how quickly things can spiral out of control. "Yeah, well, Chopper made a really big deal about Zoro being careful on the ladders and stuff, so..."

"You sent Ace to get Chopper? Makes sense. Oi, gimmie a hand."

"Yosh."

He's wobbly once their combined efforts get him on his feet and quickly forced to sit down because his thumping head is now also spinning nauseously, and he really, really hopes he's not going to puke because doing it in the dream was bad enough.

_That wasn't a dream- it was a fucking nightmare._

He shudders involuntarily.

"Does- Does Zoro wanna talk about it?" Luffy asks cautiously, dropping into a cross-legged sitting position beside him. "I mean, he doesn't have to if he doesn't, but..."

"Not right now. Later. Maybe."

He takes a deep breath and rubs at the annoying cramp that's started in his side, avoiding his captain's eyes because he can sense the next question and he doesn't know how to answer it. No way he's going to convince Luffy that he's alright if he's not sure of it himself.

Thankfully, he's spared by the clatter of hooves that announces Chopper's arrival, which is accompanied by a noisy tirade of questions and exclamations. "Zoro, Ace said you were on the floor! Were you on the floor because you fell? Why'd you get up- you should've stayed on the floor 'til I got here! What if you hurt your back? You'd need a doctor! Wait, I'm a doctor!"

"Jeez, quit freaking out! I'm perfectly fine," the green-haired pirate grumbles, trying not to wince as he's bullied into lying down by the anxious physician. He doesn't like being on his back- it keeps yanking on muscles that have been protesting loudly since he clambered to his feet. "Where's Ace?"

"Sanji took him to the kitchen for hot chocolate. Now- WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Zoro fell out of bed," Luffy announces, frowning slightly because he can't figure out why his swordsman looks so relieved at the prospect of the cook giving their son something caffeinated, because normally he'd be complaining about Ace bouncing off the walls on a sugar high thanks to the shitty curly-brow.

His words produce a fresh outburst from the reindeer. "You did fall! See, I said you should've stayed on the floor- what if you'd thrown out your back? What if you'd landed on your-? Yes, I did, but-! Of course they're fine- they all went to the kitchen too because Ace woke us all up when he came running in yelling that you were on the floor, having a fit! I thought he meant you were having a seizure!"

Chopper's too annoyed to notice Luffy eyeing Zoro with increasing confusion and concern; he's too busy examining the swordsman and responding peevishly to his snarls of protest at being poked and prodded. "Hold still, damn it! I really wish you would've stayed on the floor and waited for me to-!"

"OW! FUCK! Get your damn hooves off me!"

"Why does your head hurt?"

"There's nothing wrong with- OI, WILL YOU FUCKING QUIT THAT?"

"Luffy, WHY does his head hurt?"

Reluctantly dismissing his curiousity at his first mate's unexpectedly sudden interest in the rest of the crew's whereabouts, the captain scratches behind one ear, sheepishly avoiding the one-eyed death glare aimed in his direction- because while Zoro's scary when he's pissed, Chopper's REALLY scary when he's dealing with uncooperative patients. "Uh, I think he smacked it on there when he fell out of bed. Oh, and he banged it on there a bunch of times when he was rolling around on the floor."

"-goddamn snitch, that's what you-! OW!"

"ZORO-"

"If you don't stop jabbing me, I'm gonna tell the shitty cook to ROAST you," the older pirate growls, coming dangerously close to rolling off the bed again in his efforts to dodge the hooves combing through his hair in search of additional injuries. "With fuckin' mikan sauce and-!"

"Zoro's lucky he's got a really hard head, huh, Chopper?" Luffy asks weakly in an attempt to diffuse the growing tension, because the reindeer's starting to look as though he'd like to add a few lumps of his own to the ones raised by the furniture. "I mean, he's gotten hit in the head lots of time before and it never-"

Zoro's thinly-stretched patience finally snaps and he shoves the livid doctor away so he can sit up and climb out of bed, only to find himself unable to move when the sudden intense pain spiking up and down his belly and through his upper thighs paralyzes him as the ligaments on both sides tug sharply enough to make his eye water.

He's felt it before, when he coughs or sneezes - the crew's gotten used to both events being followed by loud and intense cursing - and sometimes when he straightens up or leans over too quickly, but usually only on one side at a time. This is both, and it fucking HURTS.

"Zoro? Zoro, what's wrong?" Chopper demands, their squabbling immediately forgotten, because the swordsman's gone white as a sheet and rolled onto his side, grimacing as he tries to curl himself into a ball. Luffy's crouching beside him in a flash, fingers gripping his shoulder.

"I-Is Zoro okay?"

"Fuckin- cramp. Bad. Kind like- somebody just- stabbed me with a goddamn-"

Neither of them are prepared for the flash of alarm and fear that darts across their nakama's face.

"Is it your back?" Chopper asks nervously. "I said you should've stayed on the-"

"No, not that- not my back." He's trying to stay calm, but the cramping isn't getting better- it's getting worse, and his breathing goes slightly ragged as he recalls his dream, where the pain kept getting worse and worse, until- "I think it's- I think there might be something wrong with-"

He hesitates, and he knows it's stupid and he's probably getting himself worked up over nothing - he's complained about the whole cramping thing before, even asked Chopper about it and had to endure Nami snickering loudly about men finally experiencing menstrual cramps when the damn reindeer forgot to keep his voice down - but part of him's afraid that saying it out loud will make it true. "I thought I was dreaming, but-"

"Zoro-" Luffy scoots closer, hand moving to brush his swordsman's side tentatively. When his action goes undisputed, he starts stroking tentatively, hoping to sooth his uneasy lover before his thoughts stray into territory better left unexplored. Although the doctor beside them looks more confused than worried, it hasn't taken the captain more than a few seconds to put two and two together, and he doesn't like it.

He knows why Zoro's starting to look so distressed. Unlike Chopper, or any of their other crewmates, he knows what kind of nightmares the green-haired pirate's been plagued with since Impel Down and- well, everything else that happened before Ace was born. While they know more than enough and are fully aware that there have been dreams and that they've been far from pleasant, their fellow Straw Hats have never learned the full extent of just how badly those dreams have emotionally damaged their nakama.

There are some things that the swordsman's never shared with them, not even after all this time, and Luffy's dutifully kept his own mouth shut, because he knows that if Zoro hasn't told anyone else, it's not his place to break the silence.

"-it's-" He keeps petting Zoro's side and stomach, applying a little more pressure because he can feel the older man starting to shiver slightly under his touch. There's a lump growing in his throat that he's trying to speak around, and he's forced to swallow hard before he continues, because that expression of dread and uncertainty is killing him, and when he meets Zoro's unsettled gaze, he can almost see the switches flipping inside his head, shutting down everything right and normal and leaving nothing but fear and disorientation. "It's okay- it was a just a bad dream, kinda like the one Ace told everybody he had after the time he walked in on Sanji trying on Nami's skirt."

He mentions that incident deliberately, knowing it's never failed to make his swordsman laugh at the cook's expense and hoping like hell that it might distract him now, but to his dismay, Zoro's not listening.

"I-I tried, but she-"

"NO. She's dead! She's dead, and Zoro's okay, and Ace is okay too, and-"

Chopper's looking back and forth between them sharply now, because there's only one deceased woman that could be causing the mounting agitation in Luffy's voice.

"No- no, it's not okay. Not just me, not just Ace-" Zoro's mouth is unexpectedly dry and it's getting harder and harder to think, harder to breath, harder to keep himself from shattering and flying apart into a million pieces. "Not just us- she killed everybody on the ship. EVERYBODY. And-"

He grabs for the hand rubbing his side and presses it tightly against his belly. "This one too. Luffy, she-!"

"No. No-no-no, everybody's okay, and the baby's okay too," the captain insists, shooting a horrified glance in Chopper's direction only to find the reindeer staring back with enormous, panic-stricken eyes, because they both understand what's happening. They both understand that their nakama's confusing reality with his memories, with the dream that sent him crashing to the floor just a short time earlier, and he's moments- maybe seconds away from lapsing into a full-blown flashback. The first in three, almost fours years.

"I tried to kill her, but she-! She-!" The swordsman releases Luffy's hand, uncurling as he starts batting frantically at his lower torso and thighs, then yanking them away to stare fixedly at his sweat-dampened palms, and he's increasingly convinced that he's no longer imaging the crimson coating them. He's not hallucinating, he's not seeing things- it's really there and-

_Blood and my own guts and-_

He thinks he's remembering the dream, but he's no longer entirely sure if it's a dream at this point, because even though there's two nakama right here with him, he's having trouble convincing himself that they're really there and he's not really just lying in the corridor outside with Sadi-chan standing over him and the life leaking out of him as he-

"Oh god, I tried- I tried but I couldn't stop her and I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!"

Recognizing the loss of control creeping into Zoro's voice and the glazed look in the dilated pupil that's staring at him without seeing him, Luffy makes a decision and throws all caution to the wind, hauling his swordsman into his arms and hanging on tightly to keep him from breaking loose. Kicks - and punches, if the older man manages to free an arm - won't hurt his rubber body, and if Zoro tries to bite him- well, he'll deal with that when and if it happens. "Zoro doesn't need to be sorry because he didn't do anything wrong and everybody's okay- Zoro just had a really bad dream. Just a dream and-"

It's too late. His lover arches, flailing and trying to twist himself sideways, and the captain panics, convinced he's going to injure himself or even unintentionally stress his own body into miscarrying the baby that he's persuaded himself into believing he's already lost. "CHOPPER, DO SOMETHING!"

In his trepidation, he inadvertently backs the order with Haoshoku Haki, which sounds like a whip cracking in the reindeer's sensitive ears; the doctor flinches, badly shaken as he struggles to force his whirling mind to come up with something- ANYTHING that will snap Zoro out of his delusion. The other pirate's fighting Luffy's embrace more and more wildly and-

_Why, oh, why didn't they TELL me-_ Chopper's eyes, helplessly roaming the room as though he expects to find a solution written on one of the walls, fall on his medical bag, still sitting on the floor and he dives for it. _Where- where is it, I know I put it in here before I came down here and why, WHY the hell didn't I think of this BEFORE he-_

"Zoro- Zoro, no-! C'mon, look at me and- OW!" Luffy yips, wrinkling his smarting nose, and he can't help thinking of another time when Zoro head-butted him in the face and he's shocked when he realizes that was more than six years ago because right now it seems like only yesterday, but he doesn't let go.

_Please, oh please, where- THERE!_

"CHOPPER!"

"HERE, HERE!" The doctor wails, throwing himself back towards the bed and nearly crushing his crewmates because he's transformed into Heavy Point, terrified that his hooves won't be able to hang onto the tiny Den Den he's now cupping carefully between his huge hands. "HERE!"

He's forced to sit on the swordsman's legs because - despite Luffy's best efforts - Zoro keeps lashing out and kicking him square in the chest and stomach, and he's afraid of losing the snail in the bed sheets if one of those blows knocks his arm astray.

"WHAT IS THAT?" The captain hollers, and the physician cringes because that commanding edge is still there, making him want to clap both palms over his ears even though he doesn't dare.

"STOP YELLING!" He roars back, and it's eerie, because while they're shouting back and forth at each other at the top of their lungs, Zoro's silent except for his shallow panting and the sporadic low growl that escapes his tightly clenched jaws.

"Chopper, what-?"

"Hold on, hold on!" Chopper's fingers slip and he yelps, fumbling to keep his grip on the Den Den, unsure that it's capable of keeping its balance if his patient keeps flailing and bucking despite their grasp on him. Unsure that this is even going to work. But it's better than doing nothing, so he braces a hand on the squirming swordsman's chest to hold him down, slapping the snail foot-first against his lower belly.

Straightening up, it glares murderously at him for handling it so roughly, but he doesn't notice, distracted by the bursts of static it's emitting as he nudges it along with his fingertips.

"Chopper-?"

_C'mon, c'mon, c'mon- shut up, Luffy!_

Zoro thrashes violently, forcing them to scramble to avoid being dumped to the floor, and then there's a faint whooshing sound from the speakers embedded on either side of the Den Den's shell, and Chopper utters a cry of triumph. He ignores the captain's perplexed expression - and continuing demands to know what the hell's going on - because his ears are also picking up another noise, faint and rhythmic, that's barely audible in the static-filled background. Another nudge or two, and the sound's now loud enough that he doesn't need to strain to hear it.

"What IS that?" Luffy asks, head tilting slightly and then jerking back to prevent the top of Zoro's head clipping him in the chin.

"Baby's heartbeat," the doctor explains, and despite the heel kicking him repeatedly on the rump, he can't suppress a smile at the amazement and sheer delight dawning on the rubber man's face.

"Really? Whoa- it sounds so fast! Zoro! Oi, Zoro, listen! Listen! That's- eh, why's it getting all quiet again?"

"Because it's moving away from the-"

"Moving! So it really is moving already? Zoro said you told him it was, but he keeps getting mad 'cause he says he can't feel- Oi, oi! There it is again!"

The swordsman pinned under their weight is gradually looking more and more dazed and less combative, struggling becoming more subdued as though his energy's evaporated - or maybe, they're hoping, because he's also listening - he gives a sudden heave that's strong enough to nearly dislodge them and, to Luffy's dismay, also causes the rapid thump-thump-thump to fade out again.

"OI!" The captain protests, index finger prodding carefully at his lover's side. "Get back over there so Zoro can hear-!"

Two events happen simultaneously: there's an exceptionally loud WHOOSH from the Den Den, and the swordsman twitches, exhaling a startled-sounding "oomph!" as the frantic thumping noise resumes, and they realize Zoro's now peering up at them, his good eye blinking groggily. "Wh-What the hell-?"

"That's our kid!" Luffy declares gleefully as he and Chopper move away to let the older pirate prop himself up on his elbows to get a good look at the Den Den- which has apparently decided they're all insane and is currently feigning sleep regardless of the static still issuing from its speaker.

"Great. Another one of those damn snails."

"I got it from Law during his last visit," Chopper explains quickly. "It's a Doppler Den Den! They work just like the one he used for the ultrasound, but they've got speakers instead of screen, so if the pregnancy's far enough along, you can hear the-"

"Ah, there it goes again! Oi! Stop runnin' away while we're listening to you!"

"Goddamnit, Luffy, will you quit poking- OI!"

"I wasn't touching Zoro!"

"I know that, you idiot! I think-"

"..."

"..."

"Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Did Zoro just-?"

"... Shit, that does feel just as frickin' weird as I remember..."

Luffy gives a squeal and plasters both hands on either side of the Den Den, happily dodging the half-hearted swat his lover aims at his head. "Me too, me too! I wanna feel it too!"

"Not yet," Chopper giggles. "Not for a few more weeks, anyway. It's too early!"

Zoro flinches. He recovers almost immediately, lowering his gaze to study the snail perched on his abdomen with casual indifference, but he's not quite fast enough to escape his nakama's attention, and they exchange a wary glance.

The doctor's opening his mouth to make a hesitant inquiry when he's interrupted by the disembodied speaking mouth that's just sprouted on the wall above the headboard, accompanied by an ear and one blinking eye. "Sencho, Zoro? I'm aware there was a bit of excitement earlier and while I certainly don't mind keeping an eye on him, I'm afraid I'm running out of distractions to prevent your son from charging straight back to your quarters. He's quite concerned, so unless you need a bit more time-"

"Nah- s'okay." Luffy waves a hand in dismissal. "He can come back down."

"Alright. We'll be there shortly."

Chopper watches as the facial features dissolve, biting his lower lip because he knows there won't be enough time to pry answers out of his nakama before their child returns, and he's got a sneaking suspicion that Luffy's fully aware of it. Ace isn't likely to agree to going back to bed anytime soon, and his parents have already made it abundantly clear that there are certain topics that aren't appropriate conversation in the presence of the youngest crewmember.

_Second youngest. As long as-_

"Well-" he offers, feeling somewhat disheartened as he stretches out a hand to retrieve the Den Den. "-if you need me for anything else, just let me-"

"Oi, leave it here?" Luffy asks in a surprisingly quiet voice, flushing slightly when Zoro grumbles and looks away. "Just for tonight. I mean, Ace didn't get to hear it and he'll probably think it's really cool, so..."

There's an awkward silence as Chopper studies them, noting how the first couple of fingers on the swordsman's damaged hand are tapping unconsciously but steadily in time to the fast-paced clip of the baby's heartbeat. It's possible that he's just annoyed with their fussing over him, but the reindeer's fairly certain that's not the case.

"Okay." He fixes them both with a firm stare. "For tonight. But then I think we need to talk."

This time it's the captain's turn to drop his gaze, but then Zoro sighs. He closes his eye momentarily, hand rising to rub wearily across his face, and when he lowers it again, he meets the doctor's eyes directly, without blinking or diverting his gaze. "... Yeah. I think we do."

xxx

Later, after Chopper and Robin leave, and after Zoro dozes off to the steady beat produced by the increasingly sleepy-looking Den Den, Luffy moves the snail to the night table, where it closes the orbits on the ends of its drooping eyestalks even before he can reach for the lamp switch.

Ace has also fallen asleep curled against his green-haired father's chest, worn out enough to be blissfully oblivious to the faint snore rasping beside his ear, and when the arm wrapped around him tenses slightly, he just snuggles closer.

Tucking himself firmly against his first mate's back, the captain slides the palm of his hand over the older pirate's hip until his fingertips encounter the warm curve of belly and stop there, delicately tracing the thin ridge of scar tissue and the taut abdominal muscles that have started stretching beyond their normal boundaries during the last few weeks. The same ones that, according to Chopper, have also been causing the discomfort that sent the swordsman into outright panic a few hours earlier.

While Luffy's glad they've agreed to go see him tomorrow morning - no, later today, he reminds himself tiredly, since it's already well past midnight - because the doctor might find a solution for dealing with Zoro's increasingly vivid and problematic nightmares, he's also frustrated that he can't do more himself.

Years of training, three forms of Haki, One Piece, an entire fleet sailing under his own Jolly Roger, and although he doesn't regret any of his accomplishments, in a way they're all worthless. Absolutely useless. Because while he can easily afford to spit in the eye of the World Government's offer to make him a Shichibukai, and while he can spend the rest of his life riding the Grand Line in an endless loop in pursuit of new adventures, he can't protect Zoro from his own dreams.

He tucks his chin over the swordsman's shoulder, stretching a little as he reaches over his lover to run his fingers briefly through Ace's hair, and then he curls his arm around them and pulls his whole family closer into his embrace, listening closely until the resulting unintelligible mumbles and mutters fade into deep, even breathing as he stares into the darkness.

It's a long time before he finally falls asleep.

xxx

Closing Author's Note

Congratulations. If you're reading this, I'll assume you made it to the end of the drabble- so I'll let you in on a little secret. I hate this thing. I absolutely hate it, and there's a very good chance that I may never read it again (unless I'm feeling overly masochistic some day) because writing it was extremely unpleasant. It may be Zoro's nightmare, but there's too much of me in it.

Now, I absolutely love the horror genre - books, movies, you name it - but I recently discovered that I should probably start being a little more selective with what I read and watch, at least for now.

Nobody makes a huge deal out of dreams during pregnancy. Yes, the books and so forth mention that you might have some weird ones related to the anxiety of impending parenthood; I've read accounts where a woman dreamed about being chased around a BabiesRUs parking lot by a vending machine. And then there's the ones about going to work and realizing that you accidentally left the baby strapped in the car seat instead of leaving him or her at daycare. My own husband dreamt that he somehow lost ours in our own house.

But for the most part, people don't mention just how insanely real or just how unpleasant the damn dreams can get- probably because they're usually too busy complaining about morning sickness, weird cravings, constipation, gigantic aching boobs and all the other unfortunate side effects of pregnancy.

However, it turns out that you can dream some pretty god-awful stuff. This drabble is cobbled together from some of my own nightmares, which were disturbingly easy to work into the Crossfire storyline. Now, they've obviously been altered to fit the One Piece universe, but many of their elements remained largely unchanged, like the bit where Zoro arms himself with kitchen knives that somehow turn into drawing pencils when Sadi goes after him (IDK what was wrong with me that night). And then there's the part where- well, let's just say I'm goddamn glad I decided to rent my own doppler (which, while it's wonderful, is sadly not a Den Den) because I had that thing out and turned out as soon as I stopped freaking out and realized I'd been dreaming.

Anyway, I wrote this to get everything out of my head, and I figured that since I wrote it, I might as well share it too. If you don't like this one, that's fine. I don't like it either, and I sure as hell never want to write anything like this ever again.

I think I'm going to shelve my Richard Laymon novels until AFTER the baby makes its debut.

Oh yeah- if you haven't already guessed, this is a prequel to the other alt alt drabbles and takes place before all three of them. Apparently talking with Chopper, having access to the Doppler Den Den and dealing with a squirmy baby that he can actually feel moving helped a lot with reducing the intensity of Zoro's nightmares and his paranoia that's something wrong, because he's obviously pretty settled down and nowhere quite as flightly when Johnny and Yosaku turn up a month or so later.


	18. Mid Day Madness

So I was poking through my old LJ entries while hunting down fic-related gift art to display on my Tumblr - the link's in my profile if you're interested - and I rediscovered this mini-drabble lurking in one of my comment replies. Sorry if this one isn't new 'cause you've seen it before, but I figured it belonged here with the others, and hopefully I'll have some new material to post soon.

Straw Hats, Heart Pirates and ex-Marines all hanging together out on the Sunny. Good times for everyone- except for Zoro, who just wants to be left alone.

xxx

"Here, Zoro, you need to take these vitamins- Ace, make sure he actually swallows them this time."

"Yosh! C'mon, Daddy, you want my little brother to get big and strong like me, right?"

"Damn it, Ace- how big do you want-? NO, not THAT big. I already can't see my fucking feet; if the baby gets that big, this shitty surgeon's gonna hafta damn near cut me in half to get him out. Now go- OH SHIT, here he comes. Ace, go distract- err, I mean, PLAY with your great grandpa so I can make a run for-"

"RORONOA-SAN! My goodness, you've gotten HUGE since I saw you last! ... How's my newest great grandchild today, hmmm?"

"GET YOUR FUCKIN' HANDS OFF ME, YOU OLD COOT!"

"Garp-san, please let go of my patient before I'm forced to cut your throat."

"ACK, Zoro! Zoro needs to stop trying to strangle Grandpa and sit down before he hurts himself or the baby! Leggo- crap, Law, put that thing down and c'mere and gimmie a hand!"

"HAHAHA, you know how to pick 'em, Luffy! What a nice strong mama for my great grandbabies!"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"WAH, Zoro, stop, he's turning blue! Doctor, we need a doctor!"


	19. One Plus One

This... insanity... is alternate alternate Crossfire fic for Nire-chan. She likes fluffiness, and if this isn't ridiculously fluffy, I don't know what the hell is...

She wanted to see that wacky dynamic duo, our friends Johnny and Yosaku, and I was already thinking of writing a drabble about them, but her request was slightly different than what I had in mind, so I pretty much crazy-glued both ideas together and this is the result. I hope she likes it. XD

Alternate alternate. So if you read this and you're wondering what the hell's wrong with me... sorry, but I don't really have an answer for you, 'cause I'm still asking me what's wrong with me. All I know is that what I pictured in my head while writing this is really goddamn cute, and I'd probably spontaneously combust if one of the lovely ladies who've been inspired to make me Crossfire-based fanart actually deemed this sketch-worthy.

xxx

"Awful lotta ships... so which one-?"

"Huh... maybe if we ask that guy over there- OI! Yeah, you! Know where we can find Roronoa Zoro?"

Neither of them is particularly surprised when mentioning Aniki's name makes the cheerfully whistling deck-hand flinch and drop the sailcloth he's unraveling - they've been acquainted with the Pirate Hunter long enough to expect such reactions, and now that he's become the World's Greatest Swordsman, it's little wonder their request usually produces blanched faces and looks of terror - but this pirate's degree of agitation is somewhat peculiar.

He's making frantic cutting motions across his throat, grimacing as his gaze darts around like he expects the green-haired swordsman to drop out of the sky and cleave him in twain. "If you're looking for our first mate, you'll want the Sunny over there-"

He gestures to a nearby brig sloop sporting a figurehead carved to resemble an enormous caricature of a lion, and both bounty hunters' mouths form into round o's of admiration, because that's one awesome-looking-

"-not taking any challengers right now, although he MIGHT be willing to talk to you if he's in a good mood and you don't get too pushy or interrupt him playing with Ace. Just don't try to give him a hard time unless you wanna get sliced up or sling-shot face-first into the nearest foremast by the Captain, and whatever you do, DON'T call him Roro- THAT. The Admiral's the only one who can get away with calling him by his surname, and it still pisses him off."

The two men exchange a bemused glance, wondering why in the world their old friend's so particular about anyone using his name, because seriously- it's his NAME, but after a moment they both shrug and turn their boat in the direction of the ship with that bloody spectacular figurehead. They'll just have to ask him when they see him.

xxx

The Straw Hats spot them coming, and their role model and personal hero's waiting for them when they board, and he looks even cooler than his most recent wanted posters, what with the missing eye- which they've agreed hasn't slowed him down one bit and suits him perfectly 'cause it "adds character" as Johnny once stated with smug satisfaction.

"Zoro-aniki!" They cry in unison, drawing muted laughter from Usopp and a rolling of the eyes from Nami before the sniper and navigator wander off to give them a few moments of privacy.

"Damn, that was quick," Zoro snorts, fending off their over-enthusiastic attempts to hug him and doing his best not to end up squashed between them. "I knew you guys didn't have a portable Den-Den, and Nami said Noriko hadn't seen you around Cocoyashi for a few months, so we tried sending a letter through postal. The gull only picked it up a few weeks ago and we figured it'd take a while to find you, but I guess good news travels pretty fuckin'- OOF!"

The older pirate grunts as he's plowed into from behind by a small dark-haired boy, and Johnny and Yosaku stare agape as the kid slides around and squeezes his way between them, scowling ferociously as he plants himself in their way with his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest, and there's something very familiar about that expression, as though they've seen it-

"You better not be here to fight Daddy, 'cause even though he'd beat you in like ten seconds, he's not allowed to fight right now. Everybody says so." He eyes their weapons suspiciously, considering, and then grins cheekily. "You can try and fight me instead, but I'll kick your asses and throw you overboard!"

"Shit- 'scuse me a second," Zoro grumbles, reaching out to haul the child back by the scruff of the neck. "Ace! What the hell did I tell you? These guys are okay, but if you jump in front of the wrong person, you're gonna getcher goddamn head accidentally - or maybe even PURPOSELY - caved in by somebody's sword-hilt getting in the way like that."

"But I wanna-"

"They're not here to challenge me, and they're not gonna fight a six-year-old, so settle down already, okay?" He ruffles the boy's hair, and Yosaku's a bit startled by the familiarity in the gesture, because Aniki is SMILING down at the boy, who's now sulking and clinging tightly to the Pirate Hunter's coat and glaring up at them. "You never met 'em before, but I told you about Johnny and Yosaku, right?"

Ace's face brightens. "The guys from Arlong Park? The ones who traveled all over the place with Daddy?"

"... Zoro-aniki?"

"..."

"Yeah, those two." The swordsman nods, ignoring the duo's confusion, and his acknowledgment opens a floodgate.

"Daddy told me tons of stories about you guys, how you met him and how you went looking for bounties together, and you're really cool-"

They exchange a look, grinning enormously, because whatever's going on here, Aniki's been telling STORIES about them and saying they're-

"-even if you usually ended up getting your butts kicked and Daddy ended up having to rescue you, and he told me all about how you helped him after he got the big cut on his chest from Hawk-san and how you tied him up to keep him from fighting and that's how he got caught by the bad guys, and Chopper says HE'S gonna tie Daddy up if he doesn't stop spending so much time in the gym 'cause it might be bad for the-" He pauses, blinking, and abruptly turns back to Zoro. "Daddy, Daddy, I almost forgot! Chopper said I'm 'sposed to give you these!"

The first mate's smirk of amusement becomes a bit forced as several damp, slightly sticky capsules are shoved abruptly in his palm. "Wha- oh. Gah."

"I'm 'sposed to watch and make sure you don't hide 'em or try to spit 'em out," Ace explains, clearly taking his assignment to heart, because he's watching very, very closely. "Daddy says you better take 'em, 'cause if you don't he'll make you sleep on the sofa and share the bed with me instead BUT if you're good and take 'em, he says I get to sleep in the boy's cabin tonight so he can keep you up all night. I dunno why Daddy wouldn't let you sleep- I think he was being silly 'cause he started laughing when Sanji-ani yelled and threw a pot at him."

The swordsman raises an eyebrow. "Luffy said all that, huh? Guess I better be good then."

"Not fair... I'm good and you make me go to bed- I wanna stay up all night too! Robin-aneki says you and Daddy do all kinds of fun stuff without me, but she wouldn't tell me what, and Nami-aneki got all red and spit out her tea and started freaking out," the kid mutters, prompting snickers from Johnny and Yosaku.

"Bloody woman," Zoro coughs when he's finally choked down the pills and can speak again, glaring sidelong at the chortling pair. "Oi, knock it off- you guys are such assholes."

"You're not gonna throw up again, are you, Daddy?" Ace asks suspiciously.

"Nah, I'm fine- I just tried to breathe the fuckin' vitamins is all. No more throwing up." He grimaces, offering his puzzled nakama a wry look. "It was pretty bad. We actually weren't gonna tell anybody 'til we knew it'd stick, but the whole frickin' fleet figured out what was going on in less than a week or two. I guess I kinda gave it away. Goddamn morning sickness."

"..."

"... Zoro- ...aniki-?"

"It was really GROSS," the little boy tells them in a loud whisper, one hand cupped to the side of his mouth as though he's sharing a secret. "Daddy kept throwing up over the side of the ship and after he puked on Sanji-ani's feet-"

"Swirly-brow cook pitched a fit and Nami made me replace his fuckin' shoes, but shit- the look on his face-"

"-made him carry a barf-bucket around the ship with him."

"Don't worry- I won't puke on you guys, I promise. Hit second trimester and it was like a switch flipped- I haven't gotten sick since."

"Zoro-aniki...?" Johnny asks slowly, removing his sunglasses, "... who's the kid, and why are you talking like you're gonna have a baby? I'm pretty sure guys don't have babies."

"..." Beside him, Yosaku is nodding woodenly in agreement.

"That's what Chopper says, but Daddy's special," Ace pipes up before his father - now that they've seen him and kid both scowling, there's no question of the relationship between the two - can answer, turning to wrap both arms around Zoro's middle and burrowing between the unbuttoned front flaps of his coat, and their eyes start out of their sockets and their jaws drop open because there's a distinct CURVATURE to the haramaki that's been revealed as the little boy presses his cheek against it.

"...!"

"...!"

"Uso-ani says Daddy keeps getting abducted by aliens, but Sanji-ani says-"

"-fuckin' Eyebrows-"

"-IS an alien, from Planet Marimo, and maybe he's right 'cause Daddy's the only people- uhm, I mean, the only PERSON I know who's got green hair, but even if his head's a funny color 'cause he really did come from outer space, Daddy and I love him anyway, and the baby's gonna love him too when he gets here, and I'm gonna be a big brother!"

He turns his face towards the gaping visitors with a very Luffy-like grin. "Nami-aneki says Daddy should have a girl, and she and Robin-aneki keep talking about dresses and pink bows and crap, but I want it to be a boy so I can have a little brother."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah, well, I got a funny feeling Nami and Robin are gonna be disappointed, 'cause Sencho keeps going on about it being another boy, so odds are good you're probably gonna get what you want. I dunno how the hell he thinks he knows, but-" Zoro shrugs. "Whatever. He was right about you, huh?"

"Zoro-aniki's not pullin' our legs?" Johnny asks cautiously, eyes still glued to the swordsman's round belly, which Ace is cuddling and prodding curiously.

"Zoro-aniki's really-?"

"Twenty weeks yesterday and- oi, don't poke! You're as bad as Luffy," the older man grumbles, swatting gently at the small fingers exploring his abdomen.

"Aww, but I wanna feel him moving!"

"You and everybody else-" He makes a face. "If your great grandfather tries touching me again, I'll take his fucking hand off- I don't care if he's family or not. Luffy made the mistake of mentioning that we're gonna hang around East Blue 'til the baby's born, and now that goddamn pushy Marine bastard won't stop calling and asking if he can be here for the delivery, and I don't want the stupid old fart anywhere near me when- ANYWAY, you can feel your brother move later, okay? He's not kicking or doing that weird flipping around thing right now anyway- I'm pretty sure he's asleep and I'd like him to stay that way for a while."

"..."

"..."

"Although knowing my luck, Law and Chopper are gonna show up any minute to drag me off to the sub. Everything looked okay last time," Zoro quickly assures them, "-but they wanna do a mid-way ultrasound to make sure, and once they start in with all the scans and tests and shit, the baby's probably gonna get all pissy and start wiggling around again. Little bastard's jumpin' around more every day- they said the placenta's attached in a better spot than it was with Ace, so this kid's a lot more active 'cause there's more blood and oxygen and stuff going through."

"..."

"Aniki-"

"So, what's new with you guys?" The swordsman asks nonchalantly as he strokes a hand through his son's hair as the child shoots a quizzical look at Johnny and Yosaku before he resumes hugging his father's stomach and mumbling quietly to his unborn sibling.

The bounty hunters exchange a stunned, wide-eyed glance, and Zoro blinks.

"You got the letter, right?"

"..."

"..."

"... I'll take that as a no. Uh, well, if you guys wanna stick around 'til I get back from getting poked and prodded and jabbed with obscenely large needles-"

"I'm not gonna watch that part," Ace announces. "Needles are yucky."

"-fill you in on all the crazy shit. Unless this whole thing's totally freaked you the fuck out, and you'd rather just-"

"ZORO-ANIKI'S HAVING A BABY!"

"ZORO-ANIKI HAD A BABY!"

"..."

"Wow, you guys are really loud... I get yelled at when I get that-"

"Yosaku-!"

"Johnny-!"

They look at each other, then back at their nakama. "ZORO-ANIKI~!"

"Oh jeez," Zoro groans as he suddenly finds himself trapped in the rather claustrophobic embrace of two sobbing, wailing and utterly overjoyed men. "Get the fuck off me, you idiots!"

"Oi, you're squishing me!" Ace protests, squirming as he's flattened against his father's belly.

"UNCLES! ZORO-ANIKI HAD A BABY AND HE'S HAVING ANOTHER ONE AND WE'RE- WE'RE UNCLES!"


	20. Contents Under Pressure

Author's note: Oh, the joys of pregnancy. Grrr. Going back to sleep now.

xxx

"Oi, Usopp, can you pass me that- _**ACHOO!**_"

Hand outstretched and hovering questioningly over the dishes set before him, the sniper winces at the explosively loud nature of his nakama's sneeze, which is violent enough to stall all conversation and draw everyone's gaze down the table to the swordsman seated at the end as they wait for the inevitable string of curses that normally follows such an event.

Sanji, grumbling under his breath about shitty marimos keeping their goddamn germs out of the food, is first gratified to see Zoro's sleeve clamped firmly across his nose- and then slightly alarmed when the green-haired pirate slumps forward until only his forehead's visible above the fabric where he's smashing the rest of his face into the crook of the elbow now resting in the empty space between his plate and Luffy's mug, free arm curled tightly around his middle.

"Ah, Zoro-?"

"You alright there, Haramaki-bro?"

"Oh, jeez- he musta pulled that muscle thing pretty bad this time if he can't even talk."

"Daddy?" Ace asks worriedly, tugging lightly at his father's arm before Chopper - who's rushed around the table to dance agitatedly beside the first mate's chair - can shoo him away. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"..."

Luffy, brow starting to furrow slightly with concern at the older man's continued silence, reaches out to touch the back of his neck with tentative fingers. "Is Zoro okay? Does he need to go lay d-?"

"NO." Zoro growls into his sleeve, his denial tight with distress and embarrassment.

"Then what-?"

There's a very long moment of silence before the swordsman finally turns his head just enough to glare heatedly at his anxious lover, face flushed and voice dropping so low that the Straw Hat captain can barely make out his words. "... I think I just fucking pissed on myself."


	21. Thanks Captain, Can I Have Another? EXP

Author's note: Those of you who read "A Distinct Lack Of Tact" back when I first posted it may recognize the setting here from that interesting little conversation between Zoro and Luffy. Not the serious one, but the bit right before it. If you're new to the CF Drabbles and haven't read that one yet, no worries. You'll just know what they're referring to when you get to that point.

Anyway, **big huge gigantic warning on this one**. I've been tempted to write a full-blown version ever since it was briefly mentioned in the previously-noted fic, but I realize that it might not be for everyone. **If the idea of explicit, third trimester mpreg sex makes you cringe, I suggest you pass on this entry** and wait for the next one, in which the Straw Hats will finally hit the Grand Line again and go visiting some more old friends, or for the next entry of that no-pairings nakama-ship thing I started posting recently.

One last thing before we get started; I'm well aware that pregnancy affects different people in different ways. It's not guaranteed to turn you into a raging nymphomaniac- in fact, some women don't want and have no interest in intimacy for the entire nine months. And even if they do, their partners might be turned off by the idea of making love with a so-called audience, despite the established fact that babies in the womb don't really have a clue what their parents are doing. Others might refuse because they're convinced they might poke the kid in the head or something equally and impossibly stupid, so they won't touch their wives or girlfriends for the whole pregnancy. Which, to me, sounds like pure torture for both parties in the relationship, but sometimes that's just the way it goes. To make a long story short, there's a lot of bizarre changes occurring internally and externally - and even mentally - that can easily heighten or hinder one's sex life.

With that being acknowledged, I'd just like to point out that Zoro and Luffy's particular responses to the whole situation occur as follows because I wanted to write them that way. Considering the obvious lack of male pregnancies and therefore the absence of decent scientific data, it's difficult to gauge just how a guy would react sexually with all this weird shit happening to his body. So, if you haven't noticed already, I'm totally flying by the seat of my pants here.

Oh yeah, and nobody prompted me with this absurdity- I just wanted to write it and figured I might as well post the results, in case there was somebody else out there who shared my weird kinks. If it makes you run screaming in the opposite direction, you're welcome to pretend it doesn't exist. And if you LIKE it... I promise I won't tell.

I think the ongoing dialogue between the guys may actually be my favorite thing about this piece. They're just both so retarded.

xxx

He digs his fingernails against the thick support at his back, shuddering at the contrast in sensations as his bare skin rubs against Adam wood that's thankfully kept too well sanded to leave splinters, and for a moment, he finds himself feeling deliriously glad that their shipwright takes such good care of Thousand Sunny before his pleasure-fogged mind abandons coherent thought in favor of resuming its previous occupation: focusing on nothing more than preventing itself from flying apart into a million smoking pieces.

Glancing down does little to help his weakening restraint. Luffy's face is hidden from view below the bulk of his belly - so close to nine months, it's just too damn big to see past anymore - but there's no mistaking the familiar and welcome touch of his captain's mouth exploring the junction of his trembling thighs, nipping delicately at responsive flesh. No, he can't see shit, but his brain's more than happy to supply a few lurid images to accompany what he's experiencing.

The swordsman's having trouble remembering how they ended up here, hidden beneath the shadows of the mikan trees clustered at the base of the main mast, him leaning heavily against its base with the younger pirate kneeling at his feet.

He dimly recalls waking from an after-dinner nap on the aquarium bar's padded bench and staggering groggily outside to find the lawn deck dark and deserted, the others having already headed to bed, and there's another vague memory of encountering Luffy as the other man emerged from the hatchway leading to their quarters, presumably having just finished tucking Ace into bed, but everything else is pretty fuzzy.

_Maybe he was coming back to find me- or maybe he's supposed to be on watch. Unless I interrupted him on a kitchen raid and- hell, maybe I'M the one who's supposed to be on watch right now._

He can't think straight enough to remember, and abruptly he doesn't care.

_Oh- oh fuck, whatever, I can still- I can still watch from-_

In reality, he's not watching anything but the inside of his own eyelids, not with the way his lover's hand is now gently kneading and rolling his balls as a warm, wet tongue sweeps up the underside of the erection that's poking rather firmly against his stomach.

His stance should be uncomfortable; he's barefoot, feet planted just a little too far apart to properly support his weight, with his coat barely clinging to his body. It's slipped off both shoulders to hang askew around his midsection, held in place by a single fastened toggle because Luffy's undone the others and pushed the open flaps back behind his hips for easier access. He's also lost track of his trousers, which he's fairly sure that either he or his captain ripped in their haste to get him undressed. For all he knows, they could be puddled on the deck or even dangling from a nearby railing where a strong gust might blow them overboard.

He should probably go find them, because they're one of the few pairs that still fit decently after being let out so many times, but- but-

But he doesn't give a shit, doesn't care about anything but the way his lover's now nuzzling insistently against the crease between his left thigh and abdomen, fingers wrapped firmly around his length and slowly tightening until the steady caresses bring him to his toes, panting rapidly and tensing because it's too much too fast.

"W-Wait- slow down- I'm gonna-"

"Oh, wow, and I barely touched Zoro yet," the rubber man murmurs, leaning back on his heels to reveal that he's grinning widely. "Shishishi..."

"Sh-Shut up! I can't help-" He breaks off, arching against the mast with a low groan, because the hand on him's stroking faster, thumb finding and smearing the clear liquid beading heavily at his tip down over the head with each quick twist of the wrist, and it's suddenly become a battle of wills- Luffy gleefully determined to send him over the edge despite his resolve to hold back.

_If I can- for j-just a little lon-_

He's actually managing, barely, until his captain closes in again and applies both lips and tongue to the underside of his belly where his body's become particularly sensitive, coaxing him along with soft kisses and heavy, moistening licks while the hand massaging his groin continues unabated.

"O-Oi, don't-"

"Come for me," the Pirate King purrs encouragingly, voice muffled where his mouth's pressed against tautly stretched skin, and Zoro loses it.

The muscles in his biceps and forearms strain as he claws desperately for a more secure grip on the mast behind him, and he cries out involuntarily as his body reacts as though he's been given a direct order, balls contracting and cock pulsing forcefully as he releases short, powerful bursts of semen that spills over the younger man's pumping fist and drips to the deck between them.

He's dimly aware of his own mortifyingly loud volume but he can't control it even though he's probably quite audible to any of their crewmates not already asleep. And possibly to the watches on some of the fleet's closest vessels.

"I win," Luffy laughs delightedly, the stroking movements of his hand gradually slowing and then stopping altogether so he can slide it up his moaning, shuddering swordsman's slick thigh to caress his stomach. "Heh, Zoro's pretty noisy tonight..."

His palm leaves a wide, glistening path across the warm curve and produces another choked groan.

"Oh, does Zoro like that?"

Wheezing hard and acutely perceptive to his heart's rapid pounding - he can feel it everywhere, even in his belly and groin - the green-haired pirate doesn't bother responding to the good-natured goading, too dazed and preoccupied with fighting to keep his balance because his body wants to sag bonelessly down the mast onto the nearest flat surface. His knees feel weak, incapable of holding him upright.

Recognizing the problem, his lover bolts upright, catching hold of his elbows and pulling him closer before he's really even in danger of falling. The first mate closes his eye and leans his forehead against his captain's shoulder, draping his arms loosely around the rubber man's torso and still puffing somewhat brokenly as he struggles to catch his breath.

"You okay?" The teasing tone is gone, replaced with a note of guarded concern.

"Y-Yeah. Just- gimmie a second."

They lapse into comfortable silence, and after a while, as his heart's racing eases into a more sedate tempo, Zoro actually starts to drift off a little, perfectly content to doze as long as the younger pirate's willing to hold still- until Luffy starts rubbing slow circles on his back.

He's sure it's meant to be soothing, but it has the opposite effect: he's suddenly wide awake, slightly startled and seriously annoyed, because even though his goddamn legs only stopped trembling a short time ago and even though the dampness of his recent release hasn't yet completely dried on his skin, his pulse is speeding up again, driving away the last residual traces of euphoria and leaving him feeling empty and frustrated.

"Hmm? Ah, Zoro must be tired," his lover hums quietly, quite reasonably mistaking his growing tension for another reason entirely. The kneading fingers leave his back and move to his distended sides, rubbing more gingerly. "If he wants, we can head down and go to-"

"NO. No, I-" The swordsman raises his head, swallowing thickly, and when he licks his lips, his tongue registers the sharp salty tang of sweat. "I'm not tired."

_That wasn't enough. It was good, but I- I want more._

The Straw Hat captain makes a faint, slightly puzzled noise of inquiry, leans back slightly to take a good look at his face and inhales sharply.

"Sencho-" His throat tightens, cutting short the request that nearly emerges as a plea, but he needn't even ask, judging by his captain's expression.

Luffy's staring at him, nostrils slightly flared and pupils dilated enormously in the dark. Even though the moon's quite luminous tonight, the mast and tree branches overhead are blocking most of the direct light beaming down on them, casting shadows across much of the younger pirate's face, and cold fingers dance up Zoro's vertebrae as the coiled ball of desire lurking inside his gut sends fresh tendrils of heat curling through his groin.

_He looks like- that's what he looks like before a fight._

"If that's what Zoro wants." The words are spoken slowly, with infuriating caution and utter seriousness. "But- he'll also tell me if he wants me to st-?"

"Oi- I said I was fine, didn't I? So quit screwing around and-!"

It's apparently all the prompting needed; the hands that have been resting on his hips are abruptly slipping under his buttocks and lifting him clear off the deck, suddenly enough that he's left scrabbling for a good grip on his captain's shoulders even though he trusts the younger man not to drop him.

"Does Zoro have any-?"

"In my pocket."

He supposes he ought to be embarrassed, constantly toting lube around the ship with him, but it's a hell of a lot more convenient than being forced to make a dash for their room - or the kitchen - every time he's overwhelmed with the spontaneous urge to corner Luffy in some obscure location, like the observation room, where they'd once gotten side-tracked on their way upstairs to the bathhouse. Thankfully he'd still been agile enough at that point to claim topping rights, as he hadn't been quite desperate enough to earnestly consider his captain's idiotic suggestion to use Nami's mapping ink as lubricant.

However, taking advantage of the desk itself, he recalls with some smugness, had been a stroke of genius on his own part, and if the navigator had berated them both up and down for hours after finding her crumpled paperwork hastily re-piled in disordered stacks, well, it'd been more than worth it.

His pleasant reverie's disrupted as Luffy shifts, easily supporting him with one arm while his free hand rummages through the coat in search of the vial hidden within, and Zoro tightens his own grasp, heart thundering in his chest, because even though he's no light-weight thanks to the density of his muscle mass - the baby itself doesn't really weigh enough to make much of a difference - the younger pirate makes the maneuver seem fucking effortless.

_Shit- even though I know what he can do, sometimes it's easy to forget just how goddamn strong Sencho is, 'cause he looks so frickin' scrawny in those baggy clothes..._

Not that it's actually intimidating; the idea's laughable considering his own ridiculous strength, but the thought of all that vitality and stamina being turned on HIM - accompanied by the sudden click of his lover's thumb popping open the slim tube he's finally located - is enough to ignite a veritable bonfire that swallows the embers of lust already smouldering inside him, and he's nearly frantic with need by the time slippery fingers start probing below his perineum.

Although he's currently too galvanized to think about anything but satisfying his body's incessantly louder demands, Zoro doesn't understand why he keeps reacting like this. Some crap about hormones and increased blood flow and heightened sensitivity, according to the ship's doctor, but the swordsman thinks it's pretty ass-backwards that his libido's grown right along with the bump that's now pushing against his captain's chest as he squirms arduously in the younger man's grasp, trying to impale himself on the digit that's found the tight ring of his anus.

The reindeer claims it's all normal and natural and therefore nothing of concern, but it wasn't like this last time, when he was carrying Ace. Back then, he was too overwhelmed, too confused, too stressed out to spend much time thinking about sex. Although he certainly didn't turn down Luffy's offers of intimate nights or afternoons spent in the women's temporarily surrendered quarters- at least not after the nausea settled down, anyway.

Things changed for the worse, of course, following Impel Down. It took him a little longer than he expected to recover after Ace was born, although it surprised no one else, and even after the laparotomy incision healed, it was months until he could stand to have someone else touch him without being given fair warning first, much less feel inclined to participate in the sort of sexual gymnastics that he and Sencho used to pull before the sadistic bitch sauntered her way to center stage and turned their lives upside down.

And even though things eventually settled down on that front, they were both usually too busy changing diapers and warming bottles and dealing with an overly cranky, colicky, teething baby that quickly developed into a bright-eyed, over-adventurous toddler to get much time alone together. Zoro KNOWS he spent way more time worrying about child-proofing every damn inch of the ship and wiping snotty little noses than he did about getting laid.

That's certainly not the case now, nearly seven years later with a second kid pending; sometimes he swears he thinks about nothing BUT fucking and being fucked, even if he's now too freaking fat to do three-quarters of the shit that pops into his head. In response to his poorly-phrased queries - "what the hell's wrong with me" and "why the hell do my nuts constantly feel like they're gonna explode" - Chopper had cheerfully theorized that being multiparous - whatever THAT's supposed to mean - somehow resulted in his body slipping into some kind of weird pregnancy autopilot, apparently leaving his mind free to wander- and lapse repeatedly into persistent obsession.

Whatever the cause, the lack of control is infuriating. He expects better discipline from himself, but sometimes it's as though all his training's flown straight out the window. He'll find himself sitting at the dining hall table, fist clutching his fork and food forgotten because he's busy watching Luffy going into raptures over a particularly delicious piece of meat, feeling the crotch of his pants getting steadily tighter until he's half-convinced that he might reach out and drag the rubber man across the table in front of their crewmates. Or he'll be heading towards the bow for a late-morning nap, only to make an unceremonious beeline for one of the bathrooms beneath the foremast staircase because his brain's suddenly supplying him with a steady flow of pornographic images depicting himself and his lover making extensive and imaginative use of the seat at the helm.

His exercise routine's been severely restricted due to stringent weight limitations, so he can't obliterate his sudden unwanted urges through vigorous abuse of his barbells, and when at one point he turned to reviewing his sword techniques in hopes of finding a distraction there, he quickly abandoned that particular trial as a failure after nearly taking off his own toes with Sandai Kitetsu's razor-sharp blade. He'd been so fixated on the solidity and texture of the katana hilt grasped firmly in his hand that he'd completely blown even the simplest forms.

Maybe he's losing his mind. He MUST be if he's actually stooped to contemplating the use of one of his weapons as a sex toy, especially considering-

"O-Oi," Luffy blurts, sounding slightly disconcerted and staggering forward to brace Zoro's back more firmly against the mast because his swordsman's increasingly frantic rocking on his hand is threatening to overbalance him. "Maybe Zoro better slow down before he-"

Two fingers now, maybe three - it's kind of hard to tell with his body clenching so tightly around them - brushing fleetingly over his prostate every time he grinds his hips down but it's still not enough and his temper flares at the suggestion that he might somehow hurt himself in the process of getting off. "Damn it, Sencho- I'm not gonna break, so quit looking at me like that and FUCK ME."

His captain makes a funny little whuffing noise and the pressure inside him's suddenly gone, leaving an aching void, but he bites back the complaint before it can burst from his lips, because he can feel the hand fumbling between them as the younger pirate tears at the button securing his shorts and shoves them down.

The first attempt goes awry; they're too over-eager to really cooperate with each other, and he feels the nudging cock go sliding across his lubricant and sweat-slicked skin, right past the place where his lover's fingers have returned to spread him open. The rubber man's expression of fierce concentration wavers, going moderately pinched, and he utters a faint squeak of dismay.

Puzzled, Zoro opens his mouth to ask him just what the hell he's doing, but then he spots the telltale hint of tears in the corners of Luffy's eyes and can't restrain himself from barking breathless laughter when he realizes what's happened. "You didn't- tell me you didn't just r-ram your dick into the mast."

"Stop laughing- it hurt!" It's not quite a whine, but it's close. "It's Zoro's fault anyway- he knows I get carried away when he talks like that. And I can't see what I'm doing, 'cause his tummy's so big now."

The swordsman snorts dismissively, briefly letting go of one shoulder to tap his fingertips against the round swell of his stomach. "Which is YOUR fault, so quit bitching that I'm too fat."

"I didn't say I didn't like the way Zoro looks. 'Cause I do," Luffy retorts, discomfort evidently forgotten from the egotistical smile now curling his lips, and ducks his head to rub his nose and one side of his face against his first mate's belly. To his amusement, a small bulge forms under the skin beside his cheek as the baby either stretches or changes position. "Ah- go back to sleep. We're busy!"

Zoro eyes the offending lump warily as it melts back out of sight. He's learned to largely ignore the random movements and unpredictable kicking that sometimes occurs when it's least desired, even if he doubts he'll ever get used to something so goddamn strange as getting unexpectedly clobbered in the ribs during sex, but his captain never fails to notice. And comment.

He finds it rather disturbing.

"Oi, we gonna do this, or you wanna spend the rest of the night talking to the kid?" He asks grumpily, because even though he's a little unsettled by the reminder that they're not alone, it's still not enough to kill his interest.

It certainly hasn't dampened Luffy's ardor. If anything, the younger man's gaze is even more impassioned as he swirls his tongue around his lover's protruding belly button, eyes turned upwards so he can watch the darker flush spreading across the former Pirate Hunter's cheeks. And he's definitely recovered from his close encounter with the mast- there's no mistaking the nature of the blunt, hot flesh nudging eagerly against the swordsman's right thigh. There are, after all, certain advantages to being made of rubber. "Mmm, talk later. Zoro started this, but I guess it's up to me to finish it..."

"Idiot! I didn't mean-" The green-haired pirate struggles to formulate a response but ultimately flubs his chance to snap off a scathing remark; steady hands are shifting his weight, tilting his hips to provide a better angle of entry for the cock now pressing into the tender pucker of tissue between his spread buttocks, and he looses a humiliating groan of desperation, awkwardly thumping his captain's rump with one heel to urge him to go faster.

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there! Nngh, Zoro's gotta r-relax or I'm gonna go off before I can get it all inside- he's too tight!"

He wants to laugh, but he's having too much trouble breathing.

_Relax? Just how the fuck am I supposed to-_

The matter's resolved rather suddenly when a foot or fist - or maybe knee or elbow - jabs him sharply, sending all the air in his lungs rushing out in a noisy, panicked whoosh because he's afraid his bladder, which has just been squashed rather forcefully inside his pelvis, is going to let go.

While they've been more than willing to indulge each other in quite a few unconventional sexual practices over the years, watersports involving URINE sure as hell isn't one of the kinks they've been tempted to undertake, so he's vastly relieved when the heavy feeling in his lower gut recedes and he's saved THAT indignity, but the exhalation loosens his compressed muscles and Luffy abruptly sinks into him, thick and hard and far more satisfying than a few clumsily-situated fingers.

His captain's eyes instantly go from half-lidded to fully closed, his face contorting with the obvious effort of restraining himself from giving in and plunging his hips with reckless abandon, and Zoro whacks him in the rear again, a low-pitched growl of irritation pervading his voice.

"If you- STOP-"

"I don't- think I CAN," the younger pirate rasps, shooting the swordsman a slightly exasperated scowl. "-but Chopper said-"

_I'm gonna kill that goddamn reindeer._

"I KNOW what Chopper said, but- ah~" He arches his back, nearly banging his head on the mast behind him, as the rubber man gives a tentative thrust. "Nngh, shit- but you don't- don't need to be THAT careful. I told you- you're not gonna hurt me."

Luffy still looks a bit skeptical, but he grudgingly scoots his lover higher to give himself more room to move. "Okay- as long as Zoro says something if I get too rough."

_For the love of- COME ON. If it wasn't so uncomfortable and my fricking stomach didn't make it impossible anyway, constantly getting in the way, I'd hang your ass over Usopp's workbench over there and pound you 'til you couldn't WALK. I wanna be able to sleep tonight, and it's not gonna happen unless-_

The next thrust drives his lower spine against the Adam wood, wringing a low cry from his straining vocal cords as the faint, protesting twinge in his tailbone is immediately overridden by the pleasure rippling through him at the sensation of pressure sliding roughly over hypersensitive nerves- and the place inside him that-

Again and again and again, and his heels skid in the small of Luffy's back as he endeavors helplessly to lock at least one leg around his waist.

Lower lip caught between his teeth, his captain is watching him closely, keen eyes searching his face for signs of genuine distress, and Zoro wants to tell him it's okay, to just keep going, but he can't find the right words much less speak them coherently. His mouth's overflowing with excess saliva, and if the dampness trailing down his chin's any indication, he's probably drooling on himself.

Washboard abdominal muscles are sliding against his rejuvenated erection with each stroke, crushing it back against his own groin, and he nearly chokes on his own spit at the thought that he's probably leaking badly enough to leave sticky trails of moisture on both their bodies. His skin feels too warm, too tight; it's not going to take much longer, and when it happens-

"Z-Zoro-"

"Hnnh," he replies, trying to ease his vice-like grip on the younger pirate's shoulders before his fingertips cause more damage than a few scattered bruises.

"Zoro- Zoro, I-" A pause, as Luffy tries unsuccessfully to blow his own dark hair out of his eyes. There's a heavy wash of ruddy color splashed across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and he's breathing a lot faster now, chest heaving with the effort, but his arms as well as the hands cupping the swordsman's rear remain steady. "I-I'm not- hah- not gonna last-"

_S'okay- 'cause neither am I..._

The demented laughter threatening to bubble out of Zoro's chest transforms into an incoherent gurgle; his lover's just boosted him again, finding the leverage necessary to plunge into him with furious, unrestrained rhythm. The position means shallower penetration, so there's less risk of unintentionally injuring him with the accelerated pace, but it also puts a direct and almost continuous assault on his prostrate.

He doesn't stand a chance. His toes splay apart, then immediately bunch together, curling, as his sphincter contracts, eliciting a sonorous groan from the younger man whose fingers are now digging into his buttocks, and he can feel his balls tensing as well, drawing up tight against his crotch. There's a moment like the calm before a storm, and he feels weightless, as though he's just taken the first step off a dauntingly high precipice.

_Oh- OH-_

And then the orgasm slams through him, bowing his back and making him bite the inside of his cheek to contain a ragged scream that still manages to escape as a strangled, inarticulate keening sound, and no analogy's adequate for describing the paroxysm seizing him from head to toe. It's a tidal wave crashing down and bowling him under, a flash fire that erupts in his loins and races through every nerve in his body, temporarily turning his vision dark and destroying every trace of reason in his brain as it mercilessly reduces him to shattered fragments of himself.

He's unaware that his chest, neck and face have flushed mottled pink from increased blood flow through veins already working overtime to supply his gravidity-expanded circulatory system, that although his voice has dropped in volume, he's still whimpering audibly with each consecutive spasm of his pelvic region, or that his captain's closed the distance between them and stopped moving, buried deep and throbbing inside him and gasping convulsively as he rides out his own peak.

They stay locked together for what seems like an eternity, quieting as the sweat slowly evaporates from their cooling skin, although Luffy stifles a faint hiss when he feels his softening cock slip free and the subsequent flood of warm fluid.

The younger pirate recovers first, immensely glad for the mast that's helping him support his lover's weight, because his legs have gone wobbly- like the noodles in one of Sanji's pasta dishes. He carefully lowers his arms until Zoro's feet are touching the deck, quickly readjusting his grasp when the quivering swordsman stumbles and sags against him.

"Mmm... Zoro came really, really hard, didn't he..."

There's a muffled grunt against his collarbone, and he grins happily, raising one slightly shaky hand to run his fingers through green, spiky hair. "Shishishi. I like making Zoro feel good."

"... bastard. Thought I was gonna die..."

Grin widening, he plants a kiss on his first mate's upturned temple. "Well, SOMEBODY told me he wasn't tired."

xxx

In fact, Zoro ISN'T tired. He's downright exhausted, and he can barely stay on his feet as they head for the bathhouse instead of their quarters because, as Luffy enthusiastically points out, both their lower halves are kind of slimy and apt to leave an awfully large mess on the bedsheets if they don't rinse themselves off first.

He ignores the older man's grumbled remark that he's more than ready to just fall asleep on the deck itself.

By the time he reaches the ladder leading upstairs to the changing room, the swordsman's walked into the doorframe and nearly fallen over one of the chairs bolted to the floor at the foot of Nami's survey desk before he's steered clear of the obstacles between points A and B. It's not that he doesn't know where he's going, regardless of what the shitty swirly-brow cook might claim, but rather that his balance just plain sucks.

Much to his embarrassment and Chopper's dismay - and their other crewmates' endless hilarity - he's been tripping over his own stupid feet and blundering into stationary objects for weeks now, which is another reason why he's been forced to put sword practice on hiatus until he can be sure of swinging one of the bloody things without accidentally impaling a spectator. Or hacking off his own ear or something.

Ace, of course, thinks it's a riot and is constantly pestering him to play tag in hopes of watching him smack into a nearby wall.

_Little brat_, he muses sleepily, prompting his captain - who's industriously scouring his back while he perches with difficulty on a stool that's entirely too close to the goddamn ground to let him get up without assistance - to peer curiously over his twitching shoulder and demand to know what he's missed.

"Nothing. Just keep doing that- my back's killing me."

"I told Zoro to tell me if I was hurting him," Luffy mumbles under his breath, sounding intensely guilty, and yelps as his first mate reaches back to grab him by the ear. "Ow, ow! I'm sorry, okay?"

"Shut up, alright? I sure as hell didn't feel it while you were doing it. Guess we BOTH got kinda carried away." Zoro mutters back, hauling the younger pirate around so he can kiss him savagely.

"Mmmph! Mmm mnnn?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He gestures lazily towards the sponge that's dripping suds on his toes. "Oi- you're not done with that, are you?"

"Hmm?"

"I didn't think so. Less talking, more scrubbing, please."

The Pirate King, scourge of the World Government and undisputed master of the Grand Line, wrinkles his nose and blows an undignified raspberry, but he goes back to work, dutifully lathering his swordsman's shoulders and upper chest until they disappear under a screen of foamy bubbles. "Jeeeeez, Zoro's so bossy when he's growing a baby."

"OI, I said PLEASE, didn't I? And don't say it like that- it makes me sound like one of Nami's fucking trees, dropping mikan all over the place. I already get enough shitty fruit jokes from that damn ero-cook."

"Well, Zoro does sorta look like he swallowed a m-"

"If you're about to say a MELON, stop right there or I'll tie your tongue to the shower faucet and turn on the hot water."

"-eat," Luffy finishes lamely, eyes averted and lips pursed. "I was gonna say meat- a really big piece of meat."

"No, you're weren't."

"Y-Yes, I was!"

"You're so full of shit." It's obvious from that idiotic demeanor that the rubber man's lying his ass off, but Zoro doesn't have the energy to follow through with his threat. The idea of crawling into bed and not emerging for a very long time is looking more and more attractive. "Oi- you missed a spot."

"Where- oh." The captain smirks and drops the bath loofa to pick at the flaking bit of residue clinging to the skin beside his lover's navel until it slides away and then runs both soapy hands over his belly, smug expression softening into a smile as he fans out his fingers to cover a wider area and leans closer. "You awake in there?"

"Nah, he's napping."

"Awww..."

"Think maybe you rocked him to sleep, Sencho."

He says it utterly deadpan, but when the younger pirate blinks up at him in surprise and some confusion, looking like a startled owl, because he normally doesn't drop those kind of jokes - not when they're discussing the kid, anyway - he starts snickering and can't stop; it must have something to do with being so worn out.

xxx

Luffy won't stop rolling around on the bathhouse floor, slapping his palms on the wet tiles and laughing hysterically, so it takes them a good forty-five minutes to finish washing up, get dressed, sluice down the Adam wood beside the mast - at Zoro's insistence, because the stuff repels moisture with a vengeance and pissed off nakama with cracked heads are the LAST thing he needs - and head below decks to their quarters and the sky's beginning to lighten overhead.

Sanji's standing on the grass outside the men's quarters, holding a cigarette that he starts to stub out when he realizes they're heading in his direction and then tucks back into the corner of his mouth, nodding, when the rubber man flails at him and points towards the hatch leading to the docking system. Zoro debates flipping a middle finger at the cook and decides it's not worth the effort.

_At least he doesn't smoke the damn things inside or around me or Ace. But he sure goes through a shitload of them when he's on night-_

He stumbles, recovers, waves away his captain's offer of an arm.

_FUCK. How long has that curly bastard been out here? Son of a- if that asshole heard some of the noise coming out of- I'll never hear the end of it._

And then, while he's waiting impatiently for Luffy to help him down the ladder- a necessary nuisance made almost unbearable because he swears he can feel Sanji's eyes burning holes in the back of his coat: _If I'm lucky, maybe he'll think it was Sencho_.

Their six-year-old son is sprawled spread-eagle on his back in the center of their bed, sound asleep.

Zoro stares forlornly at the sight as he shrugs his coat off and lets it drop to the carpet, sighs, and plunks his rear down on the mattress's edge, wondering if he can somehow just nudge Ace over and collapse beside him.

"Shishi, he looks just like Zoro, doesn't he?" His partner teases, stretching out a hand to tickle the boy's stomach where his bunched shirt's exposed it- and dodges the foot that lashes out and nearly catches him in the groin. "Whoa! Acts like him too, huh?"

"Uh-huh. I'd kick you in the balls too if you tried waking me up like that," the swordsman replies, stifling a yawn as he stretches out, rotating his ankles and grimacing at the horrible popping sounds emitted by the stiff joints. He smiles, distracted from the dull ache in his feet, when Ace immediately rolls over and burrows against him. "Oi, wake up, kiddo. Bed's already a tight squeeze without four of us in it- if you don't go back to your room, somebody's gonna end up sleeping on the floor, and it's not gonna be me OR your little brother."

"-wanna stay here."

"Your pillow's gonna be lonely without you."

"... Daddy's just being silly. My pillow can't get lonely 'cause it's just a pillow."

"Says you."

"..."

"Fine- I'll just have to go keep it company since-"

A small hand shoots out and latches onto Zoro's arm, stalling his pretense of climbing back out of bed. "NO- Daddy and the baby need to stay here with me. If my pillow really does get lonely, it can come and sleep in here."

"Oh, okay. Oi, Sencho? Sorry, but it looks like me and the kids got the bed tonight, so I guess you're sleeping on the- oi, why the hell are you grinning like that?"


	22. A Distinct Lack Of Tact

A sense of tact. Few or possibly none of the male Straw Hats have it. Especially Zoro.

Another alternate alternate drabble for Nire-chan with several firm nods of appreciation to et3rnalm3mories for stating the obvious, which I somehow completely missed, and draches for one particular obscenely cute doodle on the page of sketches she gave me for my b-day. I don't think this was quite what she intended, seeing as how it was based on the "normal" alternate ending, but I took the idea and ran with it. XD

Fast forward like nineteen weeks from One Plus One.

Hahaha, I totally need to stop writing alt alt before it gets as bad as the other two versions.

xxx

"Damn it, old man- can't you just pick up a fuckin' Den-Den Mushi and CALL like everybody else? How the hell'd you find us anyway?"

"I've got my resources," the former Vice Admiral states slyly as he drops into the empty lawn chair beside Zoro's. "And a Den-Den call's so impersonal. I'd much rather visit you and my grandson and my great grandchildren in person, Roronoa-san."

"I told you not to-" The swordsman breaks off, brow wrinkling as Garp pulls something brown and fuzzy from the bag he's brought with him and tucks the empty packaging under one foot before it can be blown across the desk by a sudden gust of wind. "... what the heck is that?"

"For the baby. Luffy told me you've been considered full term since the beginning of last week and your doctor's just waiting for that Trafalgar fellow to come back."

The Straw Hat's first mate carefully wriggles upright in his seat, reaching out to take the proffered wad of fabric and baring his teeth with a low rumble of warning when a hand lingers by his distended belly, obviously itching to touch it. He relaxes when the older man backs off again, looking somewhat disappointed. "Yeah, Chopper and Law said we're good to go, and I wanna get this over with yesterday. Kid gets any bigger, I'm gonna pop like a goddamn balloo- what the-?"

He's been unfolding the fuzzy thing while he's talking, and now he stares at it dourly, holding it pinched between the thumb and forefinger of either hand as though he's handling a dead rat.

"It's a onesie."

"... I can see that. It's also fucking retarded." Zoro scowls at the garment dangling over his nonexistent lap. "There's no way I'm-"

"Oi, Zoro-aniki!" Two voices chime in unison, and the swordsman immediately tries to stuff the offending gift behind his back, but his old nakama are already hovering on either side of him and plucking it from his grasp before he can move.

"Yosaku- Yosaku, look at the nose and the little ears!"

"Haha, that's so cute- does it have-? Look, Johnny, look- it's got a tail on the butt!"

"I hate you," Zoro grumbles at the beaming white-haired man beside him. "Why the hell would I wanna dress my kid like a goddamn bear?"

"I tried to find a puppy, but it seems that bears are more popular," Garp explains apologetically, his grin stretching wider as the two bounty hunters pat his back and shoulders enthusiastically and commend him for being such a thoughtful and considerate great grandpa.

"..."

"Zoro! Zoro, Grandpa's looking for- oh, he already found Zoro."

"Yeah, he found me alright, but now he's leaving, and he's taking this THING-" The first mate snatches the piece of baby clothing from Johnny and throws it at Garp's head. "-with him!"

Luffy flings out an arm to snag the fluttering garment and reels it in with an audible snap. He holds the onesie up, head tilting quizzically. "Hmm, it's-"

"Retarded."

"Nah, it's cute! I wish we had one of these for Ace when he was a baby. Heh heh, look, Zoro, it's even got a tail!"

"Shit," Zoro groans, slumping back in his chair. "I'm fuckin' outnumbered. Do you guys seriously think-?"

He's interrupted by a squeal of excitement as Ace, who's just emerged from the aquarium bar where he's been listening to Usopp ramble on about the elaborate deep-sea adventure involved with procuring the tank's most recent addition, charges haphazardly across the deck and flings himself into Garp's arms, nearly bowling the older man over.

"Grandpa, Grandpa! Did you see how big Daddy's tummy is now? It's like this big-" The six-year-old stretches his hands apart considerably wider than the actual span of his father's belly, drawing snorts of laughter from the adults. "He looks GIGANTIC and he waddles like a duck when he walks and he has to pee all the time, and it's 'cause the baby's all curled up in there! Chopper says he's upside-down in there too and I dunno how he isn't dizzy, 'cause I get really dizzy when I try to stand on my head and he's like that ALL THE TIME."

"Oi, Ace-" Luffy chimes in when his son's finally run out of steam, joining them under the sun umbrella and squeezing his rear onto the edge of his first mate's lawn chair. "Look what Grandpa brought for your little brother!"

"... that's weird."

"It's cute!" Johnny protests, stealing the onesie back from the rubber man so he and Yosaku can continue oo-ing and ah-ing over it.

"Yeah!"

"Weird." Ace states again firmly, wiggling out of his great grandfather's grasp and moving to Zoro's unoccupied side.

"Jeez, at least you agree with me," the swordsman mutters, and then gives his offspring a rueful smile. "Sorry, kiddo- I'd let you sit on my lap, but there ain't a whole hell of a lot of it left right now."

"Nah, 's'okay-" The little boy leans forward and rests his head against the bulge, wrapping both arms around it and accidentally dragging the coat open a little further as he cuddles up against his parent's side, producing pitched noises of endearment from the bounty hunters and Garp and an enormously sappy grin from Luffy. "Daddy makes a good pillow."

"I just got off the line with Law." Luffy slips a hand inside the gaping coat flaps to rub gently at his lover's bare belly, earning a hum of approval as the older pirate - who's long since been forced to temporarily give up wearing his haramaki or risk stretching it completely out of shape - stretches lazily and regards him with a half-closed eye. "He said he's probably gonna get here tomorrow or the day after."

"Good," Zoro mumbles, opening his eye a little wider to peer down at Ace. "Oi, leave that alone."

"But it looks funny!"

"I know it does, but like I keep telling you, it's my belly button, not something for you to play with, you little brat."

"But Daddy plays with it all the time!"

"Yeah, and "Daddy's" gonna get his damn fingers broken one of these days." He glares at Luffy, who's grinning sheepishly.

"Can't help it- Zoro looks cute with an outie."

There's titters of laughter from Johnny and Yosaku, who abruptly cover their mouths with their hands when the swordsman aims a dark glower in their direction. Garp's snickering, however, continues undeterred.

xxx

"Y'know, it's really fucking embarrassing getting picked up and hauled around like a goddamn sack of potatoes in front of your grandfather and those morons," Zoro grumbles once Luffy's taken him below-decks and carefully deposited him on the bed in their quarters, leaving their son behind to entertain their visitors- and likely talk their ears off in the process. "I can still WALK, Sencho, even if I'm kinda slow. And waddle like a friggin' duck."

"Yeah, but Zoro can't get down the ladder by himself anymore and he looks really, really tired." The captain murmurs, stretching out beside his first mate with his head and one hand pillowed on older pirate's abdomen after he's insistently tugged his coat loose. "Mmm, Zoro feels really warm too. I hope he's not getting sick."

His swordsman reaches down to run fingers through his hair, and they both snort in amusement when his belly twitches suddenly as Luffy's kicked rather forcefully in the ear. "Ha, gotcha pretty good, didn't he? Nah, I'm okay other than feeling like I swallowed a damn watermelon and all fat and bloated and shit. Pretty sure it's the baby- swear the kid's throwing off enough heat to boil my guts."

"We could get out the wading pool- maybe Zoro could-"

"Pfft, no way in hell am I gonna sit around on deck in nothing but a pair of swimming trunks, looking like a big beached whale."

"Zoro doesn't-"

"Bullshit- c'mon, Luffy, look- I even got a blow hole, even if it's kinda inside out."

"Zoro does NOT look like a whale," the younger pirate insists firmly, scooting down a bit so he can kiss his lover's protruding navel. "He LOOKS like he's gonna have our baby, and Chopper says he's so big 'cause he's going longer than he did last time."

There's a heartbeat or two of silence as they stare at each other, silently reflecting on exactly why their last child arrived ahead of schedule, and then Zoro makes an exasperated sound as he shakes off his discomfort.

"By a whole three weeks! I dunno how the heck he's grown this much in just a few weeks."

"Beats me, but Sabo's definitely gonna be bigger than Ace was when he was born. ... Zoro's still okay with the name, right? If he'd rather pick something else-"

"Nah, it's okay. It's a lot better than naming him after a meito- but thanks for asking anyway. Sabo's just fine, and besides, I didn't have any suggestions for boys' names." He chuckles. "Heh, I'm pretty sure Nami's still a little disappointed we didn't get a girl this time either, after she got so excited about maybe getting another chance to dress one up and do all that other girly junk... I think she had her fingers crossed right up 'til Law and Chopper pointed out his balls on the ultrasound screen."

Which had been a rather interesting event in itself, what with the entire core crew crammed into the Heart Pirate's medical bay, Johnny and Yosaku bouncing excitedly in the doorway and high-fiving each other at the news and Garp complaining loudly every time someone accidentally jostled the screen from which he was viewing the proceedings via Den-Den video conference. The ex-Marine had, thankfully, been banned from actually attending the appointment by both Law and Chopper, who'd taken one look at Zoro's blood pressure readings and politely suggested that Luffy's grandfather stay the hell home.

Even without Garp's physical presence, it'd been decidedly odd and somewhat disconcerting being half-naked and already starting to get kind of bulgy, lying on a table with a bored-looking Den-Den perched on his belly, with his beaming captain and an alternately curious and disgusted Ace clinging to either arm and all three of them surrounded by chattering nakama, but even the damn swirly-brow cook had been too tongue-tied at the image on the monitor to make more than a few weak jokes.

No unfamiliar doctors - Zoro doesn't trust the Heart captain, but at least he knows where the man stands - no need for a hasty retreat and, most importantly, no unpleasant discoveries. The two physicians had easily located the placenta, firmly anchored in the abdominal wall, and everyone in the room had visibly relaxed when Law calmly announced that it wasn't going anywhere without somebody actually going in and yanking it loose and told the swordsman to stay away from suspicious persons wielding knives.

Sanji'd promptly stomped on the surgeon's foot and tried to grind it through the floor, much to the straight-faced man's entertainment, but Zoro hadn't much cared about the off-color remark, too relieved that everything was going well- and also that he wasn't about to find himself put on strict bed-rest for the duration of the remaining months. No alcohol, no fighting, no weight training and no hot tub time have been necessary evils that he doesn't like but is willing to live with - at least temporarily - but being stuck in the same damn room, staring at the same four walls, would've been quite another thing entirely.

So, all in all, it'd gone a hell of a lot better than the LAST mid-pregnancy scan.

"Mmm, what about Zoro?" Luffy asks, his voice somewhat muffled by the fact that he's now rubbing his face against the older pirate's belly. "Does Zoro WANT a girl? 'Cause we could always-"

"One thing at a time, you idiot! Besides, knowing my luck, we'd just get another boy anyway, and I'm NOT gonna keep popping out babies 'til we get a matched set or something. You want more, YOU have 'em." He aims a lazy swat at his snickering captain. "And quit nuzzling me like that- if you think I want anything to do with sex right now, you're fucking out of your mind."

"Shishishi..."

"You and your goddamn pregnancy fetish." He's flushing and can't help it and knows it and hates it, but Luffy's never been shy about sharing what perks his interest, and bizarre as it is, his captain's apparently got a thing for his expanded midsection. "... that's so goddamn weird."

"Is not. I just like having more of Zoro to touch." The rubber man grins, peering up at him. "He lets me cuddle more when he's like this... and I know he's not right now, but-"

The grin spreads into an absolute leer. "Zoro's been really, REALLY horny ever since-"

"Shut up!" The swordsman can feel his face burning, and he knows he's probably beet red now, but he can't exactly argue. Not after weeks, no, months of sometimes deliberately and sometimes spontaneously jumping his lover in just about every location on the ship, including one rather memorable and rather RECENT time on deck that ended with Luffy scooping him up, bulging belly and all, and pinning his back to the main mast and doing an excellent job of trying to plough him through it. He still has no idea who was on watch that night or if they saw anything - no one's mentioned it in passing, at least - but there's no way people didn't HEAR him, not with the racket he was making, and just thinking about it makes him-

"Nee hee."

"Get your frickin' hand out of my pants!"

"If Chopper and Law wouldn't kick my ass, I'd get more than that out of Zoro's pants..."

"Law's liable to have Bepo tie you to the sub and take the whole thing underwater if he shows up and can't do the damn operation 'cause my blood pressure went through the roof." He's not sure he's got that right, because he usually just gets really sleepy after sex and that sure doesn't seem like it'd be related to elevated blood pressure levels, but Chopper's been tracking that on a regular basis and he's yelled at them both a few times to quit screwing like rabbits so close to Zoro's due date, so the two must be related somehow. Or so he supposes. He's not about to go ask- the Straw Hats' doctor already knows a hell of a lot more about his sex life than he'd like.

"Nah, Bepo knows I'd kick his butt."

The older pirate snorts. "You sound like Ace. Or maybe I should say Ace sounds like you."

He nudges his captain's shoulder with his knee. "Oi, Luffy..."

"Mmm?"

"I know you like- well, okay, maybe like's not the right word. I know you get along okay with Law, and the guy's helped us out with a lot of shit, but-"

"Zoro doesn't trust him. I know." Luffy glances up from where he's stroking the swordsman's side. "Don't worry about it- I got it covered."

"I just- he wanted One Piece, right? Only you got it, and it's kinda weird that he's still hanging around, this much later. Sometimes I wonder if- he just smiles too goddamn much, even if you tell him something you know he doesn't wanna hear. He seems like a pretty good guy most of the time, but... maybe we shouldn't be so quick to welcome him back. I'm not just saying this 'cause of the kids, you know. I'm saying it as your first mate too."

The Pirate King's expression doesn't change from its current cast of slight bemusement, but something flashes in his eyes that sends a chill up Zoro's spine.

"Law's right where I can keep an eye on him. I won't let anything happen to my family, or my crew."

He says it casually enough, but there's an edge in his voice that implies exactly how far he's willing to go to protect what he holds dear, and the swordsman hasn't forgotten that - despite his general humane- or at least non-lethal methods of dealing with enemies and adversaries - the younger pirate killed one of the men responsible for his capture and subsequent imprisonment several years before.

He knows Luffy dreams about it sometimes- that final battle on Raftel where they unexpectedly found themselves struggling yet again to protect their son, now four but still relatively helpless and highly confused by his parents' and the crew's panic at the sight of Marine vessels surrounding the Sunny. He knows that the rubber man sometimes also dreams that Usopp wasn't quite fast enough and didn't summon a tough-skinned plant pod quickly enough for Robin to bundle Ace into her arms and duck inside before Akainu hit the entire surrounding area with a heavy bombardment of brimstone and sulfur.

They've both had their own share of nightmares over the past few years, but this is one they share.

Zoro studies his captain's face, sees that there's absolutely no hesitation to be found there, and nods. "Okay."

And just like that, the tense mood breaks and Luffy's snuggling up against him and petting his belly and gleefully jabbering away to Sabo about the cute present that Grandpa Garp brought him, and the swordsman tucks an arm under his head and settles down to watch him, thinking morosely that the odds are quite good that idiotic onesie's here to stay if his lover's so damn excited about it and speculating yet again how the ex-Vice Admiral's somehow redeemed himself somewhat in his grandson's eyes- even if Zoro's still not too keen on him... because who the hell throws a little kid down a ravine or ties him to a fucking air balloon?

It's a damn good thing that Luffy keeps insisting the old man's changed, 'cause if anybody tried that shit with their kids - either the one he can hear now running around and making an unholy commotion on the deck above as he plays tag with Johnny and Yosaku OR the one they're finally going to meet face-to-face in a few days and who he can feel stirring fitfully towards the sound of his captain's voice - he'd slice the unfortunate bastard in half from the skull down, kill to protect his and Sencho's children, no second chances, no questions asked, and he feels a grim satisfaction at knowing Luffy would be willing to do the same.


	23. Not My Bag

This is so incredibly stupid, and the alt alt Crossfire stuff is eating my soul, but I just couldn't resist. I blame the seven hours my parents, spouse and I spent in BabiesRUs yesterday, setting up and then running around scanning stuff for my registry. While I saw lots of cute things, others were downright hideous.

Title courtesy of my beta/husband, who's totally right. This is so NOT Zoro's cup of tea.

xxx

"Oi- if you got everything you were looking for, then hurry the hell up so we can get back to the ship. My frickin' feet are killing me."

"Just give me one more- OH!" Eyes suddenly gleaming, Nami whirls back towards the scowling swordsman, all but dancing with excitement. "Here, you'll need this."

"... What the fuck is that?"

"A diaper bag!" The navigator exclaims, shoving something pink and bulky in his direction.

"A diaper-" Arms folded awkwardly over the bulge of his belly, Zoro eyes the monstrosity she's brandishing, glaring at the enormous star-shaped red and yellow flowers decorating the leather surface. "Nami, that's a goddamn purse."

"It's a DIAPER BAG. Look, it's cute and functional and you should-"

"No."

"We should've had one these before- it would've been SO much EASIER than cramming your haramaki full of spare diapers and making Usopp drag all those formula supplies around in his shoulder bag every time we left the Sunny!"

"I said no."

"At least just take a look at-"

She tries to force the bag into his hands - a neat trick since his arms are still crossed - and he takes a step back, baring his teeth. "Are you fucking DEAF? Forget it- I'm not gonna touch that thing, much less walk around with something that looks like a clown puked on it. And my haramaki worked just fine! I don't need some stupid pink-"

"It's not pink, it's ROSE."

"-shitty cook would never let me hear the end of-"

"Shut up and listen!" Nami hisses, forefinger stabbing repeatedly at the stitch pattern adorning one of the flowers as she leans closer, volume dropping conspiratorially. "They must've made a mistake ticketing their merchandise. Look at that logo. This is Criminal brand - high quality stuff - and it's a STEAL at this price. BUY IT. I'll give you a low interest rate on whatever you need to borrow, I promise."

"Hah- I've heard THAT one before. If that piece of junk's so great, then YOU buy it. I don't need some stupid purse. If I wanted a bag to carry shit in, I'd get something like this." He grumbles, poking at a plain black knapsack hanging nearby.

"Zoro, that one's nothing but a cheap knock-off. Not like-"

She's interrupted by Ace, who's just wandered back over to them and latched onto the swordsman's side, voice slightly muffled as he buries his face in the folds of his father's coat and sways back and forth, whining. "Daddy, are we going home yet? I'm BORED~"

The corner of the older pirate's mouth twitches, and he reaches down to ruffle the six-year-old's hair. "Sure, kiddo- as soon as Nami stops screwing around and makes up her goddamn mind."

"I HAVE made up my mind: you're buying it. I'll lend you the money- I'll even agree to a deplorably low interest rate on account of my being such a kindhearted and generous person. Ace, tell your dad he's buying this."

Turning his head slightly so he's squashing one cheek against Zoro's stomach, Ace peers up at the navigator's cajoling tone, blinks, and furrows his brow, nose wrinkling in disgust. "Why? It looks like somebody ate all of Uso-aniki's paints and then took a crap on it."

Nami, of course, immediately flies into a rage, demanding to know just what the hell the first mate's been teaching his son and loudly informing them both that they've got absolutely HORRIBLE fashion sense and NO appreciation for excellent quality or a good bargain. When he ignores her verbal attack, she also starts threatening to beat her green-haired nakama upside the head, but Zoro's now laughing too hard to care.


	24. Worst Patient Ever

Author's note: After posting that dreadful "Smoke And Broken Mirrors" drabble around 2 or 3am EST and then getting only four or five hours of sleep (no actual nightmares, thankfully, but lots of tossing and turning and watching the numbers change on the clock), I decided I needed to write something a bit more cheerful. Here's some snippets from Sabo's birth, during which Zoro inadvertently makes a complete nuisance of himself and Luffy discovers that he's actually a little more squeamish than he ever realized. No beta for this one; I'm going to surprise him with this when he gets home, since I made him read that other thing last night.

xxx

"No- no fucking way! If he tries to stick me with that thing, I'll fucking kill him, and I'll kill you too, if you try to help him!"

"But Zoro said he wanted to stay awake this time," Luffy offers helplessly, petting his agitated swordsman's shoulders and upper back despite the fists bunched tightly in his vest flaps and threatening to drag him down to where the older pirate's seated on the edge of the infirmary's single bed. "-and it'll really hurt if he's not-"

"I know, and I don't care! I did it before- I can do it again!"

"Look, Roronoa-sa-"

"Shut up, you asshole!"

Law's pleasantly neutral expression doesn't change as he meets the Straw Hat captain's distressed gaze over Zoro's head, although the surgeon's fingers tighten reflexively on the slim needle and iv line he's grasping. "Come on, Mugiwara-san. I haven't got all day- just hold him still for a few seconds and it'll be over before you both know it."

"..."

"You wanna die?" The swordsman growls, glaring balefully up at his lover with one narrowed eye. "-'cause I swear I'll-"

"Go ahead. He won't be killing anybody- not when he can't feel the whole lower half of his body and won't be able to stand up, much less chase either of us around your ship without falling flat on his face."

xxx

Law doesn't blink when one of the tissue retractors slips, sending a stray spatter onto the front of his t-shirt, but Chopper utters a horrified squeal of alarm despite his Heavy Point hands remaining steady as they quickly re-secure the loose clamp and Luffy flinches and makes a faint whining noise that sounds somewhat like Brook's guitar when several strings need replaced, face going a rather unlovely shade of green.

"Oi, Mugiwara- if you're gonna hurl or pass out, go sit outside," the Heart Pirate's surgeon warns, swiping his forearm across his face and leaving a bright smear of blood on one cheek before he diverts his attention to snap yet again at the swordsman who's craning his neck and cautiously trying to prop himself up on one elbow to peer at what's going on at the other end of the table.

"-'m fine..." the rubber man mumbles to himself, looking slightly dazed.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

"Settle down- no harm done. But that's why I wanted to completely sedate- OI, RORONOA, HOLD THE FUCK STILL AND STOP TRYING TO SIT UP BEFORE THE TANUKI CUTS YOUR GODDAMN LOWER INTESTINE IN HALF!"

"I told you to gimmie a fuckin' mirror!" Zoro snarls back, ignoring the way his captain's just gone from green to white and is now clutching his arm in a death grip. "I can't see what the hell you're doing!"

xxx

"Okay, Mugiwara-san- c'mere and hold your kid where Roronoa can see him better so the stupid bastard doesn't roll himself off the table and dump his guts all over the floor before we get the chance to sew him shut."

"Zoro-! Zoro, look-" Luffy breaks off to stare down at the wailing, fist-waving newborn cradled in his arms, nose wrinkling as he takes in the slimy mixture of blood and vernix coating his younger son from head to toe and the still-pulsing umbilical cord that's trailing over his elbow from the baby's abdomen to the incision that the two doctors are examining as they discuss the best method for extracting the placenta. He swallows hard before he glances up again. "Ah, Zoro-? He's okay, right? He's- he's, ah, kinda gross..."

"Ace looked worse. Trust me."

"Luffy-?"

"Huh?" The Straw Hat captain asks, still eyeing Sabo with consternation.

"-y-you wanna cut the cord?" Chopper asks, and his nakama looks up sharply and goes pale at the sight of the medical scissors and folded towel being offered shyly in his direction.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Zoro grumbles, motioning for both reindeer and lover to hand over their respective bundles. "I'LL do it. Luffy, give him here before you drop him."


	25. Green Eyed Monster

Hopefully the last of the alt alt drabbles, because I have quite a few other fics that I'd like to move on to, and this one's been hovering around unfinished for nearly a month while I've tried to get my shit together. Normally it doesn't take me anywhere near this long to finish a drabble, but- well, err, as those of you who also read my posts on LJ know, let's just say that I recently discovered that I've got something in common with the Crossfire-based version of Zoro, excluding the whole male thing and - hopefully - also excluding the whole ectopic/abdominal pregnancy. And Marines. If I run into any Marines - or leather-clad sadists - during the next eight months, I plan to stab first and ask questions later. Or at least run like hell.

But yes. My Luffy - my husband/beta - is quite excited and looking forward to the prospect of being a father. I think I'd be a lot more excited myself if I didn't feel like utter CRAP most of the time.

xxx

"... hnn?"

"... ungh... don't tell me he's hungry again already."

"... mmph. What time is it?"

"... dunno, but I think it's still fucking dark outside."

"... mmm... mnn... zzz-"

"Oi, damn it, Luffy- wake up!"

"Gah! Ow... Zoro must be feeling better if he can hit that hard..."

"Look, if you're not gonna bring me the kid and go make a bottle so I can feed him before he wakes up the whole damn ship, then I'll just go-"

"Law said Zoro's not allowed to climb the ladder by himself for another day or two yet, so he better stay in bed!"

"Then-"

There's a faint creaking as the door to their room's pushed open, accompanied by a small, tentative voice that's barely audible over the baby's high-pitched crying. "Daddy...? Daddy, where are you? I hear you and Daddy but I can't see you!"

"Hang on a second, Ace."

Zoro fumbles groggily for the bedside lamp, cursing as he nearly backhands it off the table in the process and is forced to grab its rocking base before it can fall to the floor. Squinting against the light, he can barely make out his equally dazed captain pausing a moment to haul on his shorts before stumbling across the room, yawning widely and scrubbing one arm furiously across his face, and then their older son's scrambling onto the bed and trying to clamber into his lap, bumping his healing incision.

"Ow, be careful, damn it!"

"Daddy-"

"Will you just hang on a second, okay? Damn it, I can barely think straight with all this racket."

"Whoa, he's definitely hungry... ah, stop squirming so much! Here, Zoro, take him before I drop him!"

"Thanks. C'mon, Ace, scoot. You can't sit there right now," the swordsman insists as he raises both arms to accept the squalling, red-faced newborn that Luffy's brought him, taking a moment to carefully adjust the blankets swaddling the baby as he arranges him in the crook of his right elbow, watching distractedly as the rubber man exits their quarters at a sprint. "Ace, NOW. Don't make me tell you aga-... shit! Shhh, shhh shh- no, it's okay, just settle down. Shhh, I'll feed you in just a second, alright? Luffy's gonna be right back, I promise."

"He's really noisy," Ace states reproachfully, scowling at his little brother. "He woke me up. All he does is cry and eat and make a lot of stinky diapers, and he's not even cute! He's all pink and wrinkly."

"He's a baby- he doesn't know how to do anything else yet," Zoro snorts, rocking Sabo steadily and hoping like hell that Luffy hurries it up, because the annoyed six-year-old's right about one thing at least- that wailing's enough to wake the dead, and it's only a matter of time before somebody in the men's quarters loses their patience and starts banging on the floor. "And you looked the same damn way when you were born, only you were fuzzy all over too and covered in a whole shitload of nasty white goop."

"Daddy's making that up."

"Am not. It was 'cause you came so early. Just ask Chopper or Robin- they were both there."

"... yeah, well, I bet I didn't cry that mu-"

The fussing infant produces an exceptionally loud squeal of indignation, just as Luffy comes flying back into the room, frantically testing the temperature of the formula he's carrying on one outstretched wrist.

"Sanji already had it started- he's on watch and- jeez, Zoro, he's really freaking out! I could hear him from the kitchen! Here, here!"

The captain's shuffling anxiously from one bare foot to another, looking remarkably like Ace when he needs to pee, and his first mate can't help laughing quietly as he accepts the bottle being shoved into his hand, because he's sure that while most of them have grown accustomed to their highly unorthodox leader, the majority of the fleet's never seen the Pirate King quite like this: still half-asleep but wide-eyed and hovering nervously by the bed, bare-chested, with his unbuttoned shorts hanging low on his hips, chewing agitatedly on his lower lip.

There's few things - beyond the thankfully highly infrequent and very cautiously worded announcement of an impending meat shortage - that are capable of sending Luffy into a paroxysm of sheer panic, but the younger pirate tends to get a bit flighty when his children turn on the waterworks. Particularly if food is involved, even if he knows damn well that every member of the crew would willingly go without before they'd let their youngest members go hungry.

It apparently began with Ace's somewhat rocky start and then progressively settled down over time, but now that they've got another one of those baby bird mouths gaping at them and demanding to be fed every two to three hours, he's abruptly dissolved into a mess all over again. Zoro's seen it often enough now to take the mini panic attacks in stride, and he calmly ignores his lover's agitation in favor of proffering the bottle to their fussing, squirming offspring.

"Oi- oi, here-"

Sabo utters a squawk of surprise at the nipple being nudged against the corner of his mouth and promptly latches onto it, crying silenced as he concentrates on sucking furiously, and there's three sighs of relief at the sudden quiet.

"See? All that yelling for nothing. Nobody, not even that damn swirly cook, is gonna let you starve."

"Heh, no, but he doesn't know that, right? Wow, look at him go, Zoro- he musta been really, really hungry!" The rubber man leans over, fingertips stroking lightly through the sparse dark fuzz crowning the baby's head. "You gonna be just like me, huh- make Sanji yell every time he sees you walk into his kitchen? Guess we'll find out what you think of meat when you start eating solid stuff, but that's not gonna be for a while yet!"

"Shitty cook's just gonna love that, isn't he?"

"... I changed my mind. I don't like him." Ace mumbles, tugging moodily at Zoro's elbow. "Make him go back where he came from."

His parents exchange an incredulous and slightly amused glance.

"Sorry, kiddo, doesn't work that way. He's here to stay- we're pretty much stuck with him." The swordsman's lips curl into a faint smile as he surveys the bundle he's cuddled just a bit closer to his chest. "You hear that? I guess we're stuck with you, eh, little guy? But I guess that's okay, 'cause you're really, really freakin' cute- everybody on the ship says so, and I bet your grandpa's gonna wanna buy you more of those stupid-"

Scowl steadily darkening with indignation, the child seated beside him suddenly reaches up and tries to smack the bottle out of his hand, narrowly missing Sabo's nose, and the baby immediately starts howling again as the nipple's yanked from his mouth when Zoro twitches backwards, forearm raised defensively.

"OI! What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demands, as Luffy hauls Ace out of reach with arms looped securely around his torso, arms and legs before he has the chance to launch himself into a full-blown temper tantrum and strike someone with a flailing fist or foot. "If you ever, EVER try that shit again, I'm gonna swat your ass so fuckin' hard you won't sit for a whole goddamn week!"

"Put me down!" The little boy snarls, struggling wildly in his father's grasp, but to no avail, because the rubber man just tightens his grip until he's reduced to helpless wriggling and biting remarks. "I hate him- I hate YOU!"

"Ace-"

"Now that you got him, you don't want me anymore! You don't love-!"

"ACE."

A hand clamps down forcefully over the six-year-old's mouth, cutting him off, but there's really no need, because the anger and disappointment inherent in that one word has already been enough to thoroughly cow the petulant child - who's no longer fighting back but trying to curl into a tiny ball, his eyes watering and wide with shock - and even Zoro's looking slightly taken aback despite his pained expression, because he's never heard Luffy using that tone of voice - growling and threatening and using the faintest trace of Haki - to reprimand their son.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, the older pirate busies himself with soothing the distressed infant squirming in his elbow, coaxing him to accept the remainder of his bottle with a slightly trembling hand and deliberately averting his gaze as his captain addresses their startled offspring in a low, warning murmur.

"I don't care if you're mad 'cause your brother woke you up. He woke us up too. Everybody's kinda grumpy right now since he cries a lot at night, but he won't do that as much when he starts getting older. And I know it seems like we're always doing stuff with him whenever you wanna play, but he needs us to feed him and change his diaper and take care of him 'cause he can't do anything by himself right now. We did all that stuff for you too, when you were really little like he is... sometimes Zoro wouldn't even let me or anybody else hold you 'cause he was afraid to put you down."

"... you were frickin' tiny," the swordsman mumbles, eye still focused intently on Sabo, who's resumed nursing and latched onto his forefinger with one small hand as though to prevent him from pulling the bottle away again. "I think your whole head fit in the palm of my hand..."

"I know it's kinda hard sharing us- I had to get used to sharing Zoro with you all the time, so I know how much it sucks when we're messing around with him and you wanna show us something or you get tired of hanging out with everybody else and wanna play with us instead." Luffy slowly relaxes his grip, because Ace has started sniffling, and the little boy immediately turns and buries his face against his father's bare chest, wrapping both arms around him and clinging to his torso.

"... don't like it."

"Nobody said you gotta like it, BUT-" That edge returns to his voice, although it's somewhat tempered by the way his hand's started petting the small back beneath it. "-that doesn't mean it's okay to say you hate Sabo- or that you hate Zoro. Nobody's trying to be mean- and Sabo's not trying to steal us from you either. All he cares about right now is having somebody feed him and change his diaper and cuddle him. HE doesn't hate YOU. And neither does Zoro."

"... didn't mean it..."

"If you don't mean it, then don't say it, okay? And don't-" The younger pirate's eyes flash up to meet his first mate's gaze, which has finally left the baby's face. "-don't think we don't love you just 'cause we're kinda busy. We love you a lot, and it hurts a lot when you say we don't, even if we know it's just 'cause you're mad, and it really, REALLY hurts Zoro. 'Cause he- he-"

"Luffy. I think he gets it." He inclines his head towards Ace, drawing his captain's attention to how the kid's shivering all over while trying very hard to ignore the steady throbbing that's started up in what remains of his right hand, which tends to get achy when it rains or when he's forcibly reminded of things that he'd rather not remember. "That's enough, okay?"

They've agreed- the entire crew's agreed, in fact, that their younger member doesn't need to know all the details behind his birth, at least not until he's older... and possibly not even then. So while he's aware that the Straw Hats were forced to rescue his father from Impel Down shortly before he was born and that the swordsman lost his fingers sometime before their arrival, he doesn't know the actual circumstances.

He has, however, picked up on quite a few things that Zoro would prefer he didn't know. It's been extremely difficult to hide the fact that the World's Greatest Swordsman sometimes has nightmares, even years after the fact, and that he's developed a severe aversion to and near-phobic hatred of Marines and a deep mistrust of anyone associated with them.

"... s-sorry," Ace whimpers, squirming around again to peer shyly over Luffy's arm. "... don't really hate you, Daddy."

"Ace..."

"... or him either. Does- does he know I didn't mean it...?"

"I'm pretty sure he does. Oi, c'mere, kiddo." Shifting a bit so his lower back's propped against the pillow behind him, Zoro raises the elbow of his free arm just enough to let the little boy slip under it and settle between his legs. "There you go. Just don't push on my stomach, okay? Chopper'll pitch a fit and string us both up by our toes if he's gotta redo my stitches."

"Did it hurt? When Law and Chopper took him out?" The child asks curiously, leaning forward and craning his neck to get a better look at the line of sutures spanning his father's lower abdomen, just above the hem of his boxers, which are rolled down a bit to prevent them rubbing against the raw skin.

"Nah. Well, maybe a little after that junk Law gave me finally started wearing off," the swordsman amends quickly before Ace can take him seriously and start poking at the incision. "Not so much while they were doing it. That just felt weird, like my legs were asleep and somebody was yanking on my guts. Let's just say it wasn't fun- although it was a hell of a lot better than the first time."

"Huh?"

"We weren't ready when you decided you hadda come out, 'cause you weren't really supposed to be born yet, so Law didn't have time to go get the stuff he needed from his ship," Luffy explains, reaching out to ruffle his older son's hair before gathering up a corner of Sabo's blanket to wipe a stray dribble of formula off the baby's chin. "And Zoro wouldn't let him or Chopper knock him out with anything else when they went in to get you out, 'cause he was afraid it might make you sick, so he could feel EVERYTHING they were doing. It was pretty scary, 'cause they kicked everybody else out - even me - and Zoro kept yelling 'cause it hurt, but I couldn't do anything to help either of you."

Tilting his head back, Ace stares up at Zoro with enormous eyes and then wraps both arms around his bicep and squeezes it tightly. "Daddy...?"

"It's okay, kiddo. It wasn't that bad."

Which is, of course, considerably stretching the truth, but he's got a feeling that he's probably heard the last of that "you don't love me" crap, considering how forcefully his son's hugging him.

Luffy hasn't moved but is regarding him with unusually serious eyes, and he doesn't need to ask what his captain's thinking to know that the younger pirate's reflecting on just how close he came to losing one or possibly even both of them.

"Anyway," he continues, clearing his throat, "-Law said he had a really easy time with your brother, so it shouldn't be too long before I can start training again."

"Is Daddy gonna start fighting again too? With all the people who wanna beat him?"

"Eventually, but it's gonna take a while. So no trying to take my challenges for me, okay? I don't wanna end up fishing you out of the water all the time 'cause you keep getting yourself thrown overboard pissing people off- and that goes for you too, Luffy," the swordsman adds, earning a sheepish grin from the other pirate. "I don't give a shit if you wanna chase 'em off if they won't take no for an answer, but saltwater fucking burns and I don't want it anywhere near me 'til this heals- 'cause I still remember how bad it stung getting dumped in there after Mihawk beat me that first time."

He conveniently neglects to mention the fact that he voluntarily THREW himself into the pool at Arlong Park shortly afterwards.

At the mention of his father's swordsmanship mentor, Ace squirms, looking hopeful. "... tell me a story?"

"Now? I thought you were all tired and grumpy 'cause this little monster woke you up? Ah, looks like he's done. Hang on, Sabo, lemme just get rid of this and we'll get the gas out of your belly. I really don't wanna have to get a shower before I can go back to sleep." The newborn tucked against his chest doesn't protest when he hands the now-empty bottle off to Luffy, too full to do more than yawn and blink sleepily when he's carefully lifted to his father's shoulder for solicitous patting.

"Why would you need a shower, Daddy?"

"'Cause sometimes babies swallow a lot of air while they're eating and if they can't get it out, they get really frickin' cranky and spit up all over the place. You want stories, I can tell you about all the times you barfed on me. Luffy was such an ass about it too- he'd give you a bottle and then hand you over for me to burp and fucking LAUGH whenever you threw up on my shoulder or in my lap."

"Zoro got a lot of showers for the first few weeks," the rubber man teases. "-at least 'til we got used to feeding you."

"Did a lot of goddamn laundry too- between that and all the shitty diapers. Guess we're back to the diapers, although I'm hoping I won't have to wash so many shirts this time around." He eyes Sabo cautiously when the baby hiccups. "Guess I probably shoulda put one on before I did this, 'cause if he does spit up, I'm gonna stink like warm milk 'til your dad helps me get upstairs to the bathhouse."

"Eww."

"Yeah, eww is right. Although maybe I could go give the ero-cook a nice big hug, huh?"

The older boy giggles and then laughs out loud when his infant brother suddenly produces a surprisingly loud burp. "Haha, that was a good one!"

"Yeah, wait'll he gets a little bigger, and you guys can have belching contests with us and drive Nami crazy- she really hates that!"

"You know she's gonna have a fucking fit if she finds out you told him that." Zoro smirks, seeing the look of delight that's spreading across their older son's face. "Don't get your hopes too high, kiddo, 'cause none of you guys are gonna beat me. Undisputed champion and all that shit."

"I don't know," Luffy hums doubtfully. "Franky's pretty good. And Brook too."

"Still beats the hell out of me how a skeleton can belch anyway, without any- oi, you all done?" He can feel Sabo relaxing under his hand, slumping against his shoulder with a tiny contented sigh, and gently lowers the newborn to the unoccupied side of his lap. "He should sleep for a while now, if you wanna go back to bed."

"... can I stay in here with you?"

"I guess so- as long as you promise not to steal the covers. Lemme get your brother settled real quick first."

Ace curls up against him, watching closely as he goes through the familiar and oft-repeated routine: a quick diaper check - nothing yet, although there's sure to be an unpleasant surprise either later this morning or possibly sometime this afternoon - a cursory investigation of the umbilical stump - healing nicely - and a slightly more thorough inspection of the baby's fingernails, which he discovers will need to be clipped again soon so the kid doesn't scratch the crap out of himself.

"Here, lemme do it," Luffy demands when the older pirate moves to ease himself towards the bed's edge, quickly stealing Sabo from the swordsman's arms before he can protest. "I wanna hold him for a little when he's NOT yelling his head off."

Zoro contemplates arguing - he's spent entirely too much time lounging around and it feels weird having his lover waiting on him hand and foot, regardless of Chopper and Law's orders - but there's a small hand patting impatiently at his chest, and when he looks down, there's a small resolute face peering back at him, and he bites the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing out loud, because Ace is so determined to regain his attention without actually complaining that he's making the same puckered, lip-biting expression that crosses the captain's face whenever he encounters something particularly unpleasant.

"Alright, alright," the first mate grumbles softly, scooting down until he's sprawled beside his older son. "-but if you start having some weird dream about sea kings trying to eat you and kick me in the gut in the middle of the night, I'm gonna dump your ass on the floor. You got that?"

"Like to see 'em try- I'd just beat 'em up and give 'em to Sanji-ani so he could cook 'em for dinner," Ace mutters back, but he's grinning as he snuggles into the arm curling around him, and he's still grinning half an hour later, after Luffy's turned down the lights and slipped into bed with one arm flopping carelessly over them both, and he's STILL grinning fifteen minutes after that as he lies curled between his parents, listening to their deepened breathing and faint snores, because while Sabo might get a ton of their attention, HE'S still too little to sleep with them.

He eventually falls asleep with that enormous grin plastered on his face and dreams he's fighting back-to-back with both of his fathers, triumphantly defending not just his baby brother but the entire fleet from wave after wave of invading Marines and sea kings and Marines RIDING sea kings, and when he does accidentally punt Zoro in the hip during one particularly pitched battle, the older man doesn't dump him on the floor as promised but rumbles groggily and menacingly about sending him back to his own room, until he hears the six-year-old's hissed explanation that "I'm sorry and I didn't mean to hit Daddy but I hadda really go all out with those final moves, 'cause the guy I was fighting was really tough and he was an ADMIRAL, goddamn it!"

"... you beat him?"

"I kicked his ass!"

"Good- now go the hell back to sleep and lemme get some shut-eye before your brother starts screaming 'cause he's hungry again."


	26. Third Time's The Charm, Or Not

/dying. Got the idea for this drabble a while ago, before the whole alt alt thing started, but I'm glad I waited to write it until now.

Looks like Zoro got in the last word for once.

This one's for Ewim. I was totally thinking of Luffy swinging Ace around upside down by his ankles near the end. It's also a response to all the people who keep asking me a certain question; here's Zoro's final answer for you, lol.

xxx

"My mother says your father and his nakama are pirates. Does that mean you're a pirate too?"

He stares at her incredulously. "Well, DUH. Of course, I'm a pirate! What are you- stupid or something?"

"But-" The girl bristles, obviously offended but apparently still too curious to actually whirl around and storm away despite the indignation burning in her eyes. "Y-You're just a little kid!"

"I am not! I'm almost seven and I'm a pirate and my dad told me that I'm older than you anyway, SO THERE."

She fumes, but she doesn't accuse him of lying, so he supposes she already heard the same thing from her mother. Her mouth works helplessly as she struggles to formulate a retort. "Well- well- well at least I don't have to live somewhere that stinks like rotten old fish!"

Ace's hands immediately ball into fists, his face flaming bright red. "Our ship doesn't smell like rotten fish! And the sea's a hell of a lot better than all your dumb sand!"

Her eyes widen a little, and for a moment she looks a bit like a fish herself with her parted lips and all that blue hair waving around behind her stunned expression, but then her eyes narrow. "I bet your ship's got rats."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" He roars before he wades in, intent on wiping the self-satisfied smirk off her face. "SUNNY NEVER GOT RATS, SO YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

xxx

"Shit! Luffy, you better grab him before he clobbers her, or Kohza's gonna have a fucking fit," Zoro groans, envisioning the potential fiasco of an international incident involving the Pirate King's unruly offspring and the young heir of Arabasta. The Queen's consort has already cornered him twice during their visit, demanding to know just what sort of language "that boy" might be teaching his daughter. "I'd do it, but I kinda got my hands full."

"Yosh. OI-"

"Let him go, Luffy-san," Vivi calls from where she's standing beside the Straw Hat's first mate. "They'll be fine."

"But-"

Their old friend smiles. "Don't worry, Mister Bushi- err, Zoro-san. She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

"If you say so," the green-haired pirate agrees hesitantly, casting another dubious glance at the ruckus occurring beyond the courtyard pillars and the rubber man who's watching with interest- and, oh hell, loudly offering ADVICE to the combatants. It's not that he doubts Vivi's judgement - he's sure she knows her daughter better than anyone - but the girl sure doesn't look like much of a scrapper, not like Kuina as he remembers her, and-

Movement stirs against his chest, inside the sling he's wearing beneath his coat, and he peers down to find Sabo stretching lazily, yawning and regarding him sleepily from beneath drooping eyelids. "Oi, squirt- you finally awake?"

At the sound of his voice, the three-month-old breaks into a toothless smile, tiny hands waving rather aimlessly as he gurgles and reaches for his father's face, and Zoro can't resist smiling back.

"He's adorable," the woman beside him coos as she reaches over his elbow to tickle the baby's cheek, unaware of the momentary tension that seizes the swordsman's frame before melting away. "And getting so big already! It's a shame you couldn't come sooner after he was born, but I suppose it was safer to wait."

"Yeah, that's what we figured." He grimaces, vividly recalling the trip over Reverse Mountain. Bad enough WITHOUT one cantankerous infant to placate, one terrified boy to reassure and one overly excited, whooping captain to restrain from unintentionally bouncing himself overboard. Not to mention keeping a cautious eye on the other fleet ships selected to accompany them back into the Grand Line.

At least Ace had been quickly distracted from his fear at his first sight of Laboon, although he'd overwhelmed the crew with a torrent of questions regarding the whale's size, diet and unusual internal structure. After being forced to admit that he didn't have a fucking clue whether or not the overly-large mammal strained plankton or devoured whole sea kings - Robin was reading to the kid again, no doubt - Zoro had turned the astounded six-year-old over to Brook, agreed to let Nami watch the loudly fussing baby for an astronomical fee that she'll hopefully forget to collect and promptly ducked into the aquarium bar for a much-needed breather.

While he loves his children, he loves Luffy and he loves the rest of the crew - although "grudging respect" might be a more appropriate phrase to describe his feelings pertaining to that goddamn swirly-brow cook - sometimes he thinks he'd gladly defeat an entire armada of Pacifistas just for five minutes of peace and quiet.

"Oi, Zoro-"

He blinks, startled out of his thoughts when he realizes his lover's nudging his elbow. "Wha-"

Luffy jabs a thumb over his own shoulder to indicate the two small figures sprawled in the dust beyond them, panting exhaustedly- and uttering high-pitched giggles. "I think they're done trying to kill each other."

Zoro takes a closer look and winces. "Oh great. I hope that thing's not bro-"

"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?"

Forget five minutes of peace and quiet. He needs a nap and a few more weeks in the crow's nest gym if he's going to do something about his shoddy guard. It's embarrassing, letting this many people sneak up on him.

Kohza yanks his sunglasses off his face to reveal eyes full of murder. "YOUR SON gave MY DAUGHTER a bloody nose."

"And your daughter punched my son in the face," the World's Greatest Swordsman responds coolly. "He's gonna have one hell of a shiner by tomorrow morning. Chopper's gonna pitch a fucking fit."

The Environmental Minister reaches out to grab a handful of the pirate's coat- and stops abruptly when he discovers Sabo goggling at him. He withdraws slowly, face reddening. "You need to- your son's a-"

"My son's a WHAT." Zoro snarls, advancing after him.

Vivi and Luffy exchange a wry look and step in, collaring their respective partners.

"Settle down, Kohza- she's perfectly alright."

"Let go of me, you idiot. That bastard insulted our kid!"

"But- but- Vivi, darling, that brat-"

"Oof! Zoro, if you're gonna beat him up, at least gimmie the baby first, okay?"

"I think you're forgetting something, LEADER."

The squabble's interrupted by a pair of excited voices as two children launch themselves into the fray, clinging to their respective parents and babbling a mile a minute.

"Look, Daddy, look! She knows how to fight pretty good- she hit me in the EYE!"

"Mommy, Mommy, Ace says the Pirate King is his father, but so's the man with the funny green hair! How'd he get two of them, when I've only got one?"

The adults stare at each other, speechless, until Sabo starts whimpering. Luffy leans closer to check on him, ignoring the panic-stricken expressions on Kohza and Vivi's faces as they struggle to formulate an answer to their daughter's question. "Whassa matter, huh? You hungry?"

"Daddy, you got beat up by a girl before too, didn't you?"

"I want a little brother or sister!" The princess demands, tugging at her father's sleeve.

"He yells a lot," Ace warns her from where he's standing at his own father's side, hanging onto the swordsman's belt. "And he steals everybody's laps too. He even did it BEFORE he came, 'cause he made Daddy really, really fat and kicked me when I tried to sit in HIS lap."

"He KICKED you?"

"Yeah! It was kinda cool though- it made Daddy's tummy do this weird wobbly thing."

"Wow, really?"

Kohza eyes Zoro incredulously, and if his face was red before, it's now scarlet. The older man, slightly flushed himself, is studiously checking Sabo's diaper and refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

Vivi is now laughing helplessly into the hand clasped over her mouth.

Luffy is grinning. He nudges his first mate, nodding towards the little blue-haired girl who's now asking Ace if he means wobbly like a bowl of pudding or- "She's really cute, isn't she?"

"Hmm," the other pirate states noncommittally, suspecting he knows where this is going.

"Nami and Robin keep saying we need another girl on the ship."

"Hmm."

"I think me and Zoro should have a girl next."

"Sure, why not? But you're gonna have to wait until Sabo's a little older and-"

Kohza makes a faint gurgling noise, as though someone's trying to strangle him.

"-figures out how the hell I keep getting knocked up, so YOU CAN DEAL WITH BEING PREGNANT," the swordsman snarls, glowering at his beaming captain. "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?"

"But Zoro~"

"You don't get to PICK which one you want- I keep TELLING you that! We'd just get another boy and then you'd wanna try again and I'm not gonna crew a whole bloody ship with Luffy Juniors. And besides, I'm twenty-seven and I'm the World's fucking Greatest Swordsman- I'm gonna have idiots popping up all over the place to challenge me now that we're back in the Grand Line and I'd like to actually beat a few more of them before I get my ass handed to me by some two-beli punk who gets lucky 'cause I'm too fat and slow from lounging around with my feet up, stuffing my face full of-" He breaks off, breathing heavily, and shrugs out of the sling, pushing it and the baby into his lover's arm and then nudging Ace in his direction as well. "Here, it's your turn to watch them for a while. Just don't do anything stupid, and I'll be back in an hour. I need a fucking nap."

Expression slightly bemused, Luffy cuddles his younger son against his chest and pats his slightly bewildered elder on the head. "Don't worry, he'll be back before you know-"

He stalls, his nose wrinkling as he gives the fussing infant, now squirming unhappily in his grasp, an extremely suspicious look and lifts him a bit higher to peer hesitantly into his diaper. "Oi, did you-? GAH! Sabo, you STINK!"

Vivi, giggling hysterically, grabs Kohzu's elbow for balance.

"Zoro? Zoro! Sabo needs a-" He pats his pockets, face going slightly pale as he realizes that Zoro's carrying all the spares. "OI, ZORO, WAIT A SECOND!"

"I told you, it's your turn," the swordsman calls back over his shoulder before he disappears into the palace. "You've got a shirt, don't you?"


	27. No 1 Better Look Out For No 2

I wish I could say this wasn't based on a true story, but- ah, the joys of parenthood.

xxx

"What the fuck?" Zoro demands, mouth twisting in a grimace of pure disgust while he uses his fingertips to pinch his freshly soiled haramaki away from his midsection. "Shit! I thought he was done!"

"Eww..."

"Wow, Sabo, you fart louder than Franky!" Luffy tells the wriggling baby, ignoring his swordsman's continuing curses as the older pirate tries to wrestle free of his clothing without actually letting it touch him. "Oi, Zoro, remember when Ace used to do stuff like that?"

"No way; that's gross!" Ace protests indignantly, his tone making it rather clear that he doesn't believe he was ever responsible for anything quite so repulsive. "Da- DAD, you're making that up! I never fired poo cannons at anybody!"

Slinging his shirt and haramaki across the room into the overflowing basket by the door - and hoping like hell that it's not his turn for laundry duty this week - Zoro reluctantly takes over the diaper change that the Straw Hat captain's laughing too hard to finish. "Are you kidding? I've never had so much shit, piss and spit flung at me in my life. Although-"

He's about to claim he's pretty sure that his younger son's well on his way to outdoing the older, but he's interrupted by Sabo uttering happy squealing noises that sound remarkably like an overexcited puppy. The pint-sized monster even has the temerity to SMILE up at him like he's bloody proud of himself for making such a mess, but there's also pudgy hands waving in his direction and even though the kid just crapped on him, he's also too freaking cute to stay pissed at for long, so the growl in the World's Greatest Swordsman's voice loses most of its vehemence when he glares down and tells the little brat to wipe that damn smirk off his face.


	28. Sound Investments

Author's note: So Ace is a bit on the precocious side. Not all that surprising, considering Sunny's crew.

xxx

Zoro garners more than one second glance and a few chuckles when he bustles into the dining hall with an indignantly protesting Ace - "Damn it, Dad, I can walk, so put me down already!" - tucked under one muscular arm and a puzzled-looking Sabo perched on the other and clinging around his neck like a small monkey.

Ignoring his wriggling seven-year-old, the green-haired swordsman scans the room, considering its occupants.

He quickly eliminates Nami as too expensive and Usopp and Chopper as too likely to find themselves fast-talked into something regrettable. Or possibly the origin of it themselves, given their propensity for - along with the absent captain - being the original Trio of Trouble.

Brook? Not after last time.

The shit cook? Forget it. The corner of his mouth quirks slightly in amusement; Sanji still hasn't forgiven him for letting Sabo, who's finally getting enough balance to cruise falteringly around the ship using nearby furniture and the adults' legs to steady himself, yank open the lower kitchen cabinets and drag out all the pots and pans.

Franky's on watch.

Shit. If he can't find someone, he'll have to go back and tell Luffy that-

There's the faint rustle of a page turning and his eyes automatically gravitate towards the sound.

PERFECT. He's not sure how the hell he missed seeing her in the first place. Probably because she's so damn quiet when she's utterly engrossed in what she's reading. Hopefully he won't get his head bitten off for interrupting; the woman can get pretty tetchy if she's reached what she refers to as "the good parts."

Which sometimes makes him wonder just what the hell she's reading anyway.

"Oi, Robin?"

The historian glances up from the kitchen table, casually closing and sliding her book aside to keep it safe from the string of drool that's dangling like a wet pendulum from the baby's lower lip.

Zoro follows her gaze and grimaces, then uses the hem of his shirt to mop the nine-month-old's chin. The kid must be getting ready to cut another tooth or something, the way he's constantly leaking spit and gnawing determinedly on anything he can cram into his mouth, and anyone who holds him these days is liable to find themselves with a dinner plate-sized wet smooch on their front.

And the little monster's also waking up at inopportune moments in the middle of the night, which reminds him why he's standing in the dining hall in the first place.

"Was wondering if you can do me a favor? I'll find a way to pay you back."

Robin glances down at Ace, who's stopped struggling and apparently resigned to dangling from his father's arm like an awkward piece of baggage. He returns her gaze with bored indifference.

"Could you, ah-"

"Watch the children while you spend some quality time with our captain? Certainly."

Her ability to read people and situations at a glance has long since ceased to amaze him, although he's still not quite sure just how the hell she does it. "Uh-"

The boy under his arm reaches up and pokes him in the armpit hard enough to make him jump, squirming free when his grasp automatically loosens. He straightens, dusting himself off, and then reaches up to pry his younger brother from Zoro's arms. "Dad, seriously, just GO. You get really grumpy when you're not getting laid and-"

Robin hides a smile with her hand at the sight of the swordsman gaping like a land-stranded sea king before whirling and fixing a furious one-eyed glare on the cook who's seated at the bar counter, staring forlornly at the stubbed-out cigarette resting in the ash tray before him.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING MY-"

"-Dad says you start picking too many fights with Sanji-ani, and then Franky-ani and Nami-aneki get pissed off because you guys break shit." Ace finishes dryly, making a face when he realizes that Sabo is soaking his shirt in a determined attempt to eat his shoulder. "Really, just go. We'll be fine."

"Beat it, Marimo." Sanji smirks. "Last I heard, Luffy was still talking about baby girls."

Chopper giggles. Brook chortles. Usopp and Nami snicker, eyes flashing to Zoro's face to see his reaction, because ever since their stop in Arabasta six months ago, the Straw Hat captain's been talking nonstop about Vivi and Kohza's daughter and casting meaningful glances at his green-haired swordsman until the older pirate threatens to dump him overboard- but to their surprise, their crewmate's not scowling but rather grinning wickedly.

"Yeah, even after I told him that it's HIS turn if he really wants one."

They're all staring at him quizzically now, except for the historian, who's chuckling softly.

"I have no freaking clue if this shit's gonna work going the other way- but I'm sure gonna have a hell of a lot of fun trying." His grin expands, and he's whistling when he strolls back out.

"Quite interesting," Robin remarks into the silence that follows after the door clicks shut behind him. "I wonder if Sencho realizes just what he's gotten himself into, with a promise like that."

"I doubt it," Nami snorts. She tilts her head slightly, considering, and then nudges Usopp's shoulder. "Five thousand beli says he won't be able to sit in his chair for more than five minutes at dinner."

The sniper strokes the scruff on his chin, considering, but to their surprise, it's Ace who speaks up first. "Nah, Dad only looks that happy when he's getting ready to beat the crap out of a really good swordsman. Five says it'll be a week before he can WALK."

"Yohohohoho."

"I believe he's made a very good point."

"Yeah. One that I really didn't need to hear."

"Ace- do you actually HAVE five thousand beli...?"

"Nami!"


	29. The Sand In Your Wounds

Temporarily posting this without a beta reading, because I need to get it off my desktop and my brain. Started in January, finally finished today. OTL

Title based on Company of Thieves' "Past the Sleep" which I discovered thanks to an anonymous song recommendation/request when I was asking for prompts on tumblr a few months ago.

xxx

Sanji's not particularly surprised to find the lawn deck deserted when he and Franky return to the ship, cautiously scanning the surrounding harbor before they board the Sunny, their arms laden with a myriad of bags and boxes containing much-needed food supplies. The cloud-scattered sky's been steadily darkening since they first reached the island, and it's now been raining steadily for well over an hour.

"Who the hell's on watch?" The cook demands, surveying the deserted decks with growing irritation as he fumbles for the dining hall doorknob and succeeds in dropping several packages on his feet. "Oh, shit, I hope that wasn't the-"

The state of eggs, bread and other easily-damaged perishables are momentarily forgotten when Luffy abruptly slams down beside the two men, startling and nearly sending them tumbling - groceries and all - as his sandals skid on the wet Adam wood and he's forced to grab their arms to avoid falling on his rear.

"Damn it, Luffy!" Sanji barks, resisting the urge to seize the younger pirate by the scruff and shake him senseless because doing so means loosening his grip on the bags he's still clutching. "What the hell do you think you're-?"

"Oi, hold up, Curly-bro," Franky cautions the fuming cook, frowning as he takes in their sodden captain's pinched demeanor. "Everything okay? You dropped outta the bloody sky like a seagull with its ass-feathers spittin' fire."

"I was on the crow's nest roof," Luffy explains, raking his wet bangs out of his eyes and ignoring the raised eyebrow that the cook's giving the shipwright for his rather unusual analogy. "Where's Usopp?"

Franky winces. "Uh, well-"

"Long-nose bastard ran off on us," Sanji grumbles, scowling. "Said he had some shit on his list that he couldn't find in the regular marketplace, but he'd meet us back here at the ship. I could've used another pair of arms."

"Damn," the younger pirate mutters, flicking water from his fingertips. "I was hoping- oi, Franky, do we have enough cola to get out of here really fast, if we need to?"

"... sure." Franky shifts the trio of barrels he's supporting on one shoulder, exchanging a worried glance with the cook beside him, because Luffy is entirely too serious and that never bodes well. "Mugiwara-bro, what's-"

"Just get it to the engine room and make sure we're ready go as soon as Usopp gets back."

"Wait a minute- what's going on? Why do we need to-?"

But Luffy's already gone from earshot, having flung himself over the railing with one hand clamped on his hat to keep it from sailing off his head. As they watch, he hits the lawn deck and immediately slips on the grass, whirl-winding his free arm to keep his balance. It should be funny - he looks utterly ridiculous, dripping wet and charging around like a wayward cannonball - but the underlying tension evident in his frame bears no resemblance to anything humorous.

"Looks like he's head for the men's quarters. Maybe something happened while we were gone," Sanji says slowly, feeling disquieted. "Here, hand over the rest of those bags. I'll get this shit put away and find out what the hell's got him so worked up while you take care of the cola."

His initial intention to neatly shelve each of his new purchases in its respective appropriate place doesn't last long because that sense of discord keeps building, and he tosses the last few packages into the refrigerator with an absent-minded promise to deal with them later.

When he steps outside and finds the deck deserted, he can't shake the eerie feeling that he's alone on the ship. But it's a notion that's dispelled the second he reaches the door to the men's quarters, opens it and steps into chaos. Everyone - with the exception of Franky, below decks, and Usopp, still absent - is packed into the men's quarters, all of them agitated and more than a few speaking in raised voices.

Nearly everyone's seated, except for Luffy, who's restlessly pacing the floor with Sabo hoisted against one shoulder. The toddler, howling unhappily at the top of his lungs, has one hand knotted in his father's shirt and the other in his hair, and from the slight grimace on the captain's face and the way his head's being pulled at a nearly unnatural angle, it's a good grip.

"Where's Usopp?" Nami demands immediately on seeing Sanji, rising from the low-lying sofa where she's seated beside Robin. From the opposite side of the table, Brook volunteers a polite nod, bony hands preoccupied with the violin he's tuning.

"Yes, that's correct, Jinbei-san," the historian is telling the tiny portable Den Den Mushi perched in the palm of one slender hand. "Sencho wants the rest of the fleet ready to go at a moment's notice and- no, no one else was injured. I understand. You can expect us as soon as Usopp returns."

"Sanji-"

"He should be back any-" The cook trails off as his eyes move to the huddle of people on the carpet beside the box hammocks. "Shit! What happened?"

He's tempted to ask Zoro whether he's capable of going ANYWHERE without stirring up trouble but refrains from actually doing so as he drops to his knees beside Chopper, who's busily tending what looks like a soot-ringed gouge or puncture mark in the swordsman's arm. Zoro's unexpectedly cooperating with the doctor for once, his lips mashed together in a straight emotionless line, although his expression of disregard is somewhat marred by the furrows creasing his brow.

"The idiot got himself shot." Nami remarks tightly as she joins them, voice raised to make herself heard over the din. "During a match."

Sanji's sure he misheard her - his brain is insisting that it doesn't make any sense given that their moss-headed nakama is a SWORDSman and wouldn't give two shits or one flying fuck about dueling a GUNman - but sure enough, there's a metal pan resting on the floor by the Chopper's left hoof, containing bloodied linen and medical instruments in addition to what's obviously a small misshapen lump of lead.

Chopper's grumbling under his breath as he works, and when he speaks, it's with badly feigned composure. "I don't think the muscle's too badly damaged, but you'll need to take it easy with that arm for a while."

"Taking it easy is what got me into this mess in the first place," Zoro growls back. "I should've been paying closer attention and-"

The heap of blankets resting against his thigh twitches, and Sanji finally notices that there's a pair of wide, frightened eyes peering out from between the fabric's overlapping folds. Ace is curled up inside, huddled as close to Zoro's lap as possible without actually being sprawled in it.

"Oi, it's okay." The swordsman assures his older son, suddenly looking more tired than irritated.

Ace says something that Sanji can't quite make out, and Chopper shakes his head. "Not yet- I need to finish-"

"Chopper, can't you just- I don't know- work around him?" There's a startlingly pained note in Zoro's tone that goes beyond whatever obvious discomfort his wound is giving him, and Ace doesn't bother waiting for the doctor's reluctant approval, scrambling into the circle of his father's arms and burying his face against the green-haired pirate's chest with a muffled "Daddy" that alarms the cook even more than anything else he's seen. Ever since he turned seven, the boy's been absolutely adamant about not calling either father by that name, insisting that it's far more appropriate for babies like Sabo.

"Zoro, what the hell happened?"

"I..." Zoro trails off, watching Nami reach out to stroke Ace's hair and then glancing up at Luffy, who's now wandering in increasingly erratic figure-eights with their other still-screaming child cradled against him. "Sencho- maybe- try bouncing him some more or something, see if that helps?"

The rubber man drops onto the abandoned blanket beside him, peering helplessly at Sabo's tear and snot-smeared face. "Jeez, calm down- you were already so red, you looked like a tomato, but now you're turning purple!"

"No wonder- he's been like this for almost two hours." Nami flashes Sanji a distressed glance. "He wouldn't even listen to Brook's playing, and he usually loves that…"

"Perhaps I'm a bit off today," the skeleton calls across to them, and that sense of wrongness increases, because the remark isn't immediately followed with a comment about ears and the lack of them.

Clinging to Luffy like a small irate monkey, Sabo sucks in air, falling completely and utterly silent for several moments before belting out another piercing wail. Zoro, who's shifted Ace to one side so Chopper can resume wrapping a lengthy strip of gauze around his right bicep and shoulder, grimaces at the sound. "Ah, I hate when he does that... Luffy, switch with me?"

"Okay. Sabo- Sabo, listen, I'm going to-" The exchange is barely audible over the ten-month-old's increasingly hysterical crying, and when Luffy passes him to Zoro and tries to pull Ace into his own lap, the older child resists and wraps both arms tightly around the swordsman's torso. Another halfhearted attempt to pry him loose results in a shrill squeal of protest, and Sanji finds himself cringing, hoping they're not seconds away from listening to both kids shrieking their lungs out.

"No, it's okay- just leave him alone. He's fine just the way he- I SAID LEAVE HIM ALONE," Zoro snarls, bristling. Ace whimpers in response. Sabo is shocked quiet for approximately five seconds and then starts up again, even louder than before.

Chopper, crouching with his ears flattened completely against his skull and looking as though he'd like nothing more than to bolt from the room, shoots a somewhat desperate glance at their captain. Luffy looks somewhat taken aback as well, but then he visibly steels himself and lays a hand on his first mate's uninjured shoulder, leaning close to murmur something in his ear.

Zoro flinches, then takes a deep breath and buries his nose in Sabo's hair, nodding. Sanji realizes for the first time that their crewmate is shaking. The movement's not violent enough to be immediately obvious, but there's a definite tremble in the hand clasped against the baby's back.

He nudges the red-head beside him. "Nami, what the hell happened while we were gone?"

She hesitates, evidently uncertain, until Luffy - now leaning against Zoro's side and gently rubbing the back of his neck as Chopper ties off the bandage - gives a pointed nod towards the sofa where Robin's still sitting and observing the scene in silence. Once they've seated themselves with Sanji nonchalantly claiming the spot that puts him between the two woman, the navigator combs her fingers nervously through her bangs. "While you guys were-"

He frowns, inclining his head closer to better hear her, and when she continues, she's nearly shouting in his ear. "While you were doing the grocery shopping, Zoro and Brook decided they wanted to stock up on supplies for their maintenance kits, so Luffy and I were watching the boys while they figured out what they needed."

"And some shitty bastard challenged him? But why the hell would he-?"

"He DIDN'T, Sanji- he tried to turn it down. You know he doesn't like accepting those things around Ace and Sabo unless he's sure there's no way they'll get caught in the crossfire."

"Yeah, but-"

"Kenshi-san's challenger refused to accept 'no' as an answer," Robin interjects. "I didn't arrive until after the fact, but Brook assures me that Zoro did nothing to encourage such a violent response."

"Oh, shit." Sanji's fingers dig in his shirt pocket, seeking a cigarette which he tucks into the corner of his mouth unlit. "This was bad, wasn't it. No wonder they're such a mess."

"He pulled a gun on us. S-Some kind of revolver." Nami leans her face into her hands, fingertips rubbing either side of the bridge of her nose. "I don't know what the hell made him do it. Maybe he thought he could intimidate Zoro into accepting. I guess it says how little the asshole actually knew about who he was asking for a fight. Anyway, we would have been fine- Luffy was right there, and between the two of them, he and Zoro could have handled everything just fine."

"But..."

"But the guy was yelling stuff at Zoro, and Ace-" The navigator raises her head, and there are tears glistening in her eyes. "You know how he gets- it's one of the reasons why Zoro's so goddamn careful about taking on challengers. I- Luffy had his hands full with Sabo, so I was supposed to be watching Ace, and- Sanji, I couldn't hang onto him. He just took off, ready to kick ass and take names, and if Zoro hadn't shoved him out of the way..."

"Shit," the cook mutters, sliding an arm around her shoulders and hugging her against him. "Nami, you couldn't have known what he'd-"

She doesn't try to pull away, but her body's stiff as wrought iron in his grasp. "That's not the worst of it, okay? Zoro getting shot was bad enough, but he- he-"

The tendril of unease worming its way through the pit of his stomach unfurls into outright nausea. "Tell me."

"Sanji- Sanji, I'm not even sure he realized he'd been hit." Nami pushes back to regard him with troubled, watery eyes. "If he did, I don't think he cared- one second, he was throwing Ace at me, and the next-"

"The body was being removed when I found them," Robin says calmly. "Although I believe it's likely they were still collecting the pieces for some time after we left the marketplace. Asura is nothing but thorough."

Sanji inhales so sharply that his parted lips produce a faint unintentional whistle, because the historian's morbidly-worded statement explains everything. No wonder he found the tension so stifling the moment he stepped into the room. His gaze darts to the other side of the room, where Chopper's methodically reorganizing his bag and their captain's doing his best to console his overwrought family.

"I heard you telling Jinbei that no one else got hurt...?" He asks cautiously, watching as Luffy and Zoro exchange a few words spoken too quietly to make out before turning their attention back to their offspring. "How many of you guys did it take this time to-?"

"We were fortunate that Luffy was able to calm him rather quickly."

_Fortunate_, he thinks, is probably the understatement of the century. The last time their first mate lost control and unwitting sent Asura's dark presence rampaging through an unsuspecting Marine regiment, it had taken far too long subdue him in the aftermath, and only Luffy and Robin had been able to get close enough to touch him. Seeing the normally sedate swordsman pinned to the ground by disembodied hands, kicking and screaming and trying to bite their anxious captain as the younger pirate sat on his chest, cradling his face between both palms and assailing him with a torrent of soothing reassurances while the remainder of the crew corralled a confused and distressed small child- well, it hadn't been just unsettling. It'd been fucking heartbreaking.

It's no wonder Ace thought it necessary to come to his father's rescue, although his actions had unfortunately exacerbated the situation rather than aiding it.

"If Zoro killed the guy-" he lowers his voice, hoping both women can hear him without it carrying to the opposite end of the men's quarters. "-do we need to be concerned about…?"

_Shit- if the goddamn Marines turn up NOW_-

"It appears unlikely. From what I understand, the man had already been making a serious nuisance of himself prior to challenging Kenshi-san," Robin gestures smoothly with the snail nestled in her hand. "-although Luffy requested that I alert the other ships to post extra sentries just in case a… vessel of that nature… ventures into the area."

"Good. Franky's down in the engine room right now, adding cola to the-" He falters, realizing that he's speaking loudly into a suddenly hushed room.

"Like flipping a switch," Nami remarks, sounding bewildered.

Luffy peers down at Sabo, now furiously sucking his thumb and blinking away his remaining tears as he wriggles around until he's resting comfortably against Zoro's chest. "Oi, what happened, huh? You okay?"

"Finally…" The swordsman sighs, his shoulders slumping a bit as he relaxes a bit more. "Maybe he just started getting tired and decided to-"

The door to the men's quarters bangs open suddenly, startling the hell out of everyone, and Usopp staggers inside, soaked to the skin and clutching a small crate and several bags. "Oi, Sanji, it's really coming down out there! You wanna help me get-"

He stops and stares at everyone, water dripping from his nose as he surveys the unexpectedly full room and takes in the women and the group on the floor. "O-Oi- …did I miss some-"

"Fill you in later." Sanji's already rising and headed for the open door. "Nami-san, Robin-san- would you be so kind as to chart a course and let the others know we're on our way? Brook, lend me and Usopp a hand with the sails. C'mon, guys, let's get out of here."

He ignores the sniper's quizzical expression, turning back to address their captain before he's able to do more than gain his feet. "Luffy- stay here, deal with the kids. You too, Marimo. We got this."

Zoro doesn't even notice, too preoccupied with the toddler who's now reaching up to pat his face with one hand, but Luffy opens his mouth to protest. Sanji widens his eyes slightly, inclining his head pointedly towards the swordsman and hoping he'll succeed in getting the point across without speaking. He doesn't want to get in a confrontation with Zoro. Not now.

_Stay here. Take care of _all three_ of them_.

To his relief, the Pirate King takes the hint and doesn't argue but merely offers him a hesitant nod before dropping his gaze to regard his family with troubled eyes.


End file.
